Help with tantrums and DH

Mrs.EMS

My 16 month old is begining to excercise her right to disagree. I can handle the tantrums which are small melt downs due to not getting what she wants.... nothing Extreme , yet! BUT my husband...UGH....... For example she was mad i took the remote, went SCREAMING to daddy. Daddy says, IT's ok honey, you not suppose to have that... he says sweetly... I get mad becasue 1) when he isn't there she never has an issue giving me the remote with out incidemt 2) he makes it sound like i am the bad guy.  AM i over reacting....? Someone talk me off my ledge...

rnbeth477

It does not sound like he was making you into the bad guy at all. I'd be mad if he gave it back to her and did not back you up, but that's certainly not what he did.

Ive realized DH and I have different parenting styles, but we both enforce the same rules. He is a bit softer than me. It sounds perhaps like your DH is the same.

Choose your battles...this is not a big deal.

dairygirl19

I guess I don't see the big deal either. It wasn't like he gave her the remote back and taught her to say "mean mommy."

LO does that all the time to H and I. If i take something away she looks at/runs to H who says, "Mommy said we can't have that. It's okay or play with this instead."

I do the same when H confiscates or tell her No too.

I think it's a pretty normal reaction. You can't really ignore her when she's on your legs, it's not worth getting upset about/discussing it further with her.

I mean what else do you think should be done? I feel like it just validates the response so we all quiet down and move on.

It's also a very common kid reaction to act differently when other people are around. It's an attention thing, and they're learning to see who will help them, what kind of reaction they'll get from someone else, etc.

blueandgray

Its a little bit good cop/bad cop.  But as long as you both are "cops" sending the same message to LO and not contradicting each other, doesn't seem to be a problem.  As long as your hubs is consistent with saying No and putting his foot down when needed too. 

But yes, I hear your frustration.  I feel like the mean mommy a lot since I spend more time with her and have to say No more often, so of course Dad looks like the nice guy.

natvo1983

I am DEFINITELY the bad cop.  I am with our son the majority of the time because I only work PT 2 days/week.  When we are both home, I notice my hubby gives in a lot - not sure if it's because he doesn't have the patience I do, he doesn't want to hear the screaming baby, or he doesn't know how to handle the tantrum when it arises.  I feel like whatever discipline I'm teaching my son, we take 2 steps back because my hubby gives in too much.  I've discussed this with him and he knows how I feel about us having conflicting discipline styles.  It just takes some getting used to and a lot of team work.

On a side note:  Does anyone feel they are just constantly yelling/reprimanding their kids?  I've talked to a lot of my friends with kids and they feel the same way.  We all have kids around the same age and they say they feel bad because it's always NO or it's always them reprimanding their kids.  I hate to be so negative with my son all the time though, even though I know this is a learning stage and he needs to know right from wrong.  He will be 18 months old and people just keep saying it's a phase.

Mrs.EMS

thank you all, I like the analogy good cop, bad cop....it puts it in perspective.