A new level of suck

fluttergirlmoonchild79

When I was pregnant with Corbin, we knew so many people who were expecting as well.  We seriously knew someone who was due every month for an entire year.  Now we're getting to a point where everyone's LO is turning 1 and I'm just so sad.  I hate that I won't get to reflect back on his first year of life or that when I go to buy him a birthday gift I have to look at it as "will this hold up in the weather at the cemetery."  Thankfully the friends we're close with have not invited us to the parties but have sent my DH emails saying "we just wanted to let you know that we are having a party for ______ and you're more than welcome to come but we didn't send you a formal invitation because we didn't want to upset you.  Just wanted you to know we thought of you guys when making the guest list."  It's nice to know that they wanted to include us and that we can come but that they "understand" why it would be difficult.  It's just so hard to even see pictures of their LOs and wonder how big he'd be right now and who he'd look like more (I still say DH).  Just hurts not having him here.

Bayberry12

I'm so sorry your dealing with all of this.  It does suck!  It is unbelievably hard to see people we know keep living and moving forward and celebrating.  At least some of your friends do understand.    

jbranden12

I'm so sorry fluttergirl. I'm glad you have understanding friends, but it doesn't make the pain any less.

tuscanbride2007

It is nice to have people in your life that "get it" but it doesn't make it suck any less. Big hugs to you!

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pottermommy

I am so so sorry. Huge hugs.

weddedwife

Seems like there's always a new level of suck, doesn't it? Just when you think you've come through the worst...bam, there's something else. I think life will be like this always; there will always be some reminders of our baby's should've beens & milestones. I think when my son would've been 18 or 21 I will still think about him and wonder.

Sounds like you have compassionate friends though, that is one small mercy. Do you think you will go to any of the parties? I don't think I could. I ditched out on my two friends' sons' 1st bdays this past year- I just couldn't handle a baby boy 1st bday party.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

weddedwife:

Seems like there's always a new level of suck, doesn't it? Just when you think you've come through the worst...bam, there's something else. I think life will be like this always; there will always be some reminders of our baby's should've beens & milestones. I think when my son would've been 18 or 21 I will still think about him and wonder.

Sounds like you have compassionate friends though, that is one small mercy. Do you think you will go to any of the parties? I don't think I could. I ditched out on my two friends' sons' 1st bdays this past year- I just couldn't handle a baby boy 1st bday party.

The only party my DH and I might go to (and it's not till January) is our friends who's little boy was born at 23w4d and spent 202 days in the NICU.  They are very close friends of ours and have been amazing to us and we've done the best we can to be there for them as they still struggle to this day with their son who's got a feeding tube and is on oxygen and stuff.  They're the people in our lives that get it the most.  Their son is the only baby I've held and think I could ever hold besides my own.  Otherwise we've been saying "thank you for thinking about us but we won't be able to make it."  It's hard enough to be at my nieces and nephews birthday parties and they're 4,5,6 and 17.  

I can't believe you're that far along already!

StephK86

 

 

 

 

 

 

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It really does suck watching your friends children grow that are the age of your angel. I have talked about it on here before but obviously everyone doesn't read every single post. I have two friends that were due with boys when I was with Gavin. Not only was it a stab in the knife when they were still pregnant when Gavin died, the one invited me to her baby shower! I was like are you effing kidding me? Anyhow those two girls also were pregnant with boys when I was with my rainbow. The baby shower girl and I had our boys on the same day actually. It makes me so sad to know what a tight bond their sons will have being so close and my son will never have met his brother. Like you those two girls weren't the only ones pregnant with me I literally knew about ten other pregnant girls and my cousin was pregnant also. It really does suck.

Your post made me realize how even more my friends suck. Mine all invite me to their parties and get super pissed if I don't go. If I try to turn to my family for support on why I do no want to attend, they tell me I have to get over it some day and just go. Um no I will never "get over it" jacka$$es.

I am sorry you are feeling thi s pain right now. The first year I know is especially hard. Sending you lots of thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS)))

P.S. That grave comment; I made almost the same exact one in a craft store when getting things for Gavin's 1st birthday. I was just so distraught and I said "This effing sucks that I have to worry about if my child's gift is cemetary acceptable."

ally2011

Grace should be one this month so I totally understand what you are feeling.  Seeing babies her age is still very hard for me.  I do not think I could go to any of their parties or would even try and people would just have to understand.  One sent me over the edge last night at a church meal.

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Corbin, though it gets easier over time, the milestones can still be very hard and the sadness can still come out of nowhere.  I would not feel any pressure to "be strong" and go to any of those parties...I would not go.

Thinking of you.

Hugs,

Jenn