Need your thoughts

NickiChick

Hi ladies! I hope that this is a good place to ask this question. I normally lurk somewhere for a while before posting, but I just need your advice. I mostly lurk and occasionally post on the TTGP board and I know sometimes people post and offend people, so I hope this is not the case with my question here. 

 I know a couple that has been trying to adopt. They have had a really tough time. They have been selected and gotten a nursery ready and bought clothes on two different occasions only for the birth mom to change her mind. After these two painful situations, they were selected yet again. This time they got to the hospital only to have the same thing happen again! My question is, how can I best support this couple? I don't know them really well, but I'd like to reach out to them. Have any of you been through this? if so, how has someone reached out to you in a caring way?  

  

ellekae

I haven't been through that yet, but I think a nice gesture would be a card and/or some flowers. The card could just say that you were sorry to hear about their recent loss and wanted to let them know that you are thinking about them.

NickiChick

ellekae:

I haven't been through that yet, but I think a nice gesture would be a card and/or some flowers. The card could just say that you were sorry to hear about their recent loss and wanted to let them know that you are thinking about them.

Thanks, this is what I was thinking.  

DaisyZH

I agree with a Thinking of You card - just to acknowledge that you know they are going through a really tough time.  I'm so sorry for your friends, thoughts and prayers for them.

silliestbunny

That's kind of you to want to help.

I have been through a lot including failed matches (after births) and I can say that no one could make me feel better or experience the pain with me except my husband.  I appreciated the calls and cards but it was a very private time and a loss that was just between the two of us.

So my advice is to send a card, email, or letter letting her know how you feel and then don't expect much back... it's super hard.   Letting her know she can count on but then walking away is important.  I didn't even want to be w/my BFF... only my husband could support me in the loss.

NickiChick

silliestbunny:

That's kind of you to want to help.

I have been through a lot including failed matches (after births) and I can say that no one could make me feel better or experience the pain with me except my husband.  I appreciated the calls and cards but it was a very private time and a loss that was just between the two of us.

So my advice is to send a card, email, or letter letting her know how you feel and then don't expect much back... it's super hard.   Letting her know she can count on but then walking away is important.  I didn't even want to be w/my BFF... only my husband could support me in the loss.

This is what I expected and needed to hear. Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry for your losses.