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I cried last night at a party (long)

mm29mm29 member
in Infertility Veterans

I have become overly sensitive.  Last night Dh and I were hanging out with friends, dinner and drinks.  I was texting one of my my bestie from HS, who lives four hrs from me, wishing her a happy birthday.  I have known for sometime she and her husband were trying to have a baby.  I asked if she had a baby on the way.  she replied "well as a matter of fact yes.  I'm having a girl in Dec.  Sorry, it's been too hard for me to tell you."   I tried to hold myself together, but I couldn't.  

She is half way through her pregnancy and she did not tell me.  I know she was trying to protect me, but I'm hurt!  On top of everything I asked when she was having a shower, She said yes, next month.  She said I could go if I want to.  I'm not sure if she was even going to invite me.  

Am I that fragile, that my BF form HS can't tell me she is pregnant?  I would find out eventually.  I'm one who would rather know if someone is pregnant.  Get over my grief and then move on.  I find it more hurtful when ppl keep secrets.  

::: Married June 2003:::
TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
IVF# 4= c/p
***CCRM ODWU***
Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
***New RE***
DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. 
IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015

http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
imageimage image 
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Re: I cried last night at a party (long)

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    AmCheriAmCheri member

    Oh, sweetie.  I don't think you're being overly sensitive at all and I wouldn't read that into her response.  No matter how close people are to us, I truly think most don't know what to say and I think they can get uncomfortable around us when there's good news.  Your friend definitely should have handled this situation better and I believe that her choices have been hurtful.  I'm sorry this happened sweets.  If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure I would have responded in the same way.  Big hugs.   

    Baby girl Lila born 2013.
    Baby boy Henry born 2015.
    Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
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    MBfromBMCMBfromBMC

    (((huge hugs)))

    I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I don't think you are being overly sensitive -  I can understand friends who are reluctant to share with an IF friend, but to keep it a secret like this is a bit much. Take care of yourself and do whatever you are comfortable with... 

    imageimageimage

    TTC since March 2009 // Me and DH - 28
    Testing Summer/Fall 2010 - Unexplained IF
    IUIs #1-4 ~ Clomid/Ovidrel/TI/IUI ~ all BFNs
    IUI #5 ~ Femara/Ovidrel/TI/IUI ~ BFN
    IUIs #6-9 ~ Research Study Meds/Pregnyl/TI/IUI ~ all BFNs
    IVF Consultation, More Testing
    Diagnostic Cycle ~ Mucinex/Progesterone/TI ~ BFN
    IVF #1 ~ Menopur/Bravelle/Ganirelix/Novarel/Progesterone/Lupron
    7R, 6F // 2 transferred // 3 frosties ~ BFN
    FET #1 ~ Estrace/PIO/Lupron
    3 thawed // 2 transferred // 1 lost // no more frosties ~ BFP!!
    Beta #1 - 456 // Beta #2 - 1176 // Beta #3 - 2933 // Beta #4 - 6753
    EDD: May 16, 2013
    Threatened MC at 6w2d
    Bedrest for SCH // 6w2d through 10w1d
    Elevated TSH and Lazy Thyroid DX @ 10w - Started Synthroid
    Finally released from RE at 13w
    Charles Everett ~ Born 5/20/2013

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    ~~ My IF Blog ~~ 

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    amy1004amy1004 member
    I am sorry your friend kept that from you. I don't think you are overly sensitive, that is a huge secret. It's more painful when people hide things even if they thought it was best. I hope you are able to maintain a friendship but she should not have kept her pg a secret.
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    BeccaLandesBeccaLandes member

    waiting that long is more about her not wanting to deal with it than about you and your feelings. she should have told a long time ago. and to not invite you to the shower-- doesn't she think you would value her and your friendship with her over your trouble with infertility? i think it is so much more hurtful to find out now, and to have missed out on so much with her, than it would have been to tell you months ago.

    i'm sorry you were treated that way. 

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    MrkyrainMrkyrain
    I don't think that you are being overly sensitive at all and I totally see why you are hurt.  Her keeping a secret for so long ended up being even more painful than if she had just told you.  Having said all this, I would guess that she wasn't doing this maliciously.  My thought is that she just didn't know what to say and didn't want to cause you more pain than you have already been through.  I bet time just got away from her and then she was embarrassed that she waited so long.  Sometimes people can make poor decisions but for the "right" reasons.  Big hugs.
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    mtlaurelmtlaurel

    Having been in this exact situation a few months ago (friend from HS told me when she was 6 months, however, it was her 3rd LO), you are definitely not being overly sensitive. It felt like such a double-blow to me. I knew IF had robbed me of being able to handle others' happy news appropriately, but to realize that IF had also so isolated me from my friends that they wouldn't even tell me such huge news... it sucked!

    I could tell from her tears that she really didn't know how to do it and that her intentions were good. But, it didn't make it hurt any less on many levels. I cried for a couple of days. Huge hugs to you!

    TTC #1 since June 2010
    Me: 36, DH: 42
    Dx: DOR and MFI

    DH: low count + very low motility; hormones all normal; Sperm DNA Frag. test = poor to fair; male karyotyping normal
    Me: FSH 13.4 + AMH 0.26 + hypothyroidism; Scratch the hypothyrodism (?); Blood clotting and immune panel all negative; endometrial biopsy normal

    IVF #1 (MDLF - Jul/Aug 2011): BFN (9R, 5M, 3F with ICSI, 3dt of 1 10-cell grade 2, no frosties)
    IVF #2 (EP-antagonist - Sep/Oct 2011): BFN (6R, 4M, 3F w/ ICSI, 3dt of 1 6-cell, 1 7-cell, grade 4s, no frosties)
    DE IVF #1 (shared cycle - June 2012): c/p (6R, 6F w/ICSI, 3dt 1 8-cell grade A- and 1 7-cell grade A-; no frosties)
    DE IVF #2 (shared cycle with new donor - Nov/Dec/ 2012): - BFP!!!!! 12/14/12. U/S on 12/27 shows twins!!!!!

    SAIFW/PAIFW
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    GregermisGregermis member
    oh sweetie ((((hugs))))  I'm so sorry she waited so long to tell you.  No, you are definitely not being overly sensitive
    TTC #1 Since 4/2010, Cycle 30
    Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant :p
    Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
    4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
    7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
    IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
    FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
    4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
    FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
    FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
    1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB :), 2nd u/s 146bpm
    baby girl born 5/10/13

    TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
    Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28. 
    IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
    IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
    IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
    FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
    FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!!  Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl


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    lynn0926lynn0926 member
    I'm so sorry. I would have been hurt too. That is a huge secret to keep from you and it makes it more hurtful. I think you should talk to her and let her know how this hurt more and that you want to be a part of her shower, etc. I think some people just don't know how to act in this type of situation.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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    Mrs.McIrishMrs.McIrish member
    Hugs.  You have to love when friends say it was "too hard" for them to tell us. Imagine how hard it is to live with IF. She should have been thinking of you and not herself. Did she think it would get easier the more pg she was? I don't get people sometimes.  So sorry she made you cry:-(

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

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    reb259reb259 member

    imageMrs.McIrish:
    Hugs.  You have to love when friends say it was "too hard" for them to tell us. Imagine how hard it is to live with IF. She should have been thinking of you and not herself. Did she think it would get easier the more pg she was? I don't get people sometimes.  So sorry she made you cry:-(

    I agree...either way it is not easy and it hust reinforces how much this sucks!!  Big hugs!!

    I am AMA and all tests on H came back normal
    3 failed IVF with OE and 2 failed frozen DE cycles
    Last fresh hail mary DE cycle starting Feb 2013
    PAIF/SAIF always welcome
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    daisyMaryGirldaisyMaryGirl member
    (((HUGE HUGS))).  The sting will never stop hurting.  Your friend is being selfish and didn't care enough about you as a person to tell you.  I'm so sorry you had to endure that.
    PCOS
    TTC since October 2008

    IVF/ICSI #1 12/7/2011 = BFN
    IVF/ICSI #2 1/31/2012 = BFN
    IVF/ICSI #3 March 2013 Cancelled
    IVF/ICSI #4 5/30/2013 = BFP
    EDD 2/5/2014.  Baby Girl Born 1/21/2014
    FET #1 1/29/2016 = BFN
    IVF/ICSI #5 11/10/2017 = All Freeze.  Not able to access one ovary
    FET #2  4/10/2018 = BFN
    FET #3  11/10/2018 = BFP - Miscarriage
    IVF/ICSI #6  3/17/2019 = All Freeze.  PGT 
    FET #4 9/10/2019 = BFP 

    **PAIF/SAIFW ALWAYS WELCOMED**

    "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7)


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    eponine7682eponine7682 member

    This stings more then anything for me too. Huge (((hugs)))! My own cousin (first cousin even) didn't tell me he was going to be a father until the baby was born. I got a text message with his newborn baby girl photo in it and all it said is I have something to tell you...

    Ugh, it was one of the worst IF moments of my life. People just don't understand, it's like they try to do the right thing but it only makes it worse. I am sorry you are going through this, and I am sure she didn't mean any harm by it.

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    TTC since March/April 2010
    DX: MFI - less than 1 million sperm, 26% motility
    DH put on anastrozole to increase counts
    June/July 2011 100 mg Clomid + TS IUI#1 & IUI 2 - BFN :-(
    Forced break due to DH getting spinal surgery in August 2011
    IVF - January 2012: BFN
    FET in April 2012 - BFP at 6dp5dt! Beta #1 at 9dp5dt: 82.5, Beta #2 at 12dp5dt: 352 Beta #3 at 19dp5dt: 6000, saw heartbeat and one little bean at 5W6D!
    After nearly 3 years of waiting our LO was born December 18th 2012!
    image
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    AnasaraAnasara

    ((hugs))

    I am so sorry your friend hid her pregnancy from you.  My sister didn't tell me til she was 10 weeks so not nearly the same but she told me she was scared about how I would react & didn't want to hurt me but @ the same time knew she couldn't hide it forever.  It sucks that IF totally screws up our closest relationships to the point where joyous news needs to be hidden.

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    joules12joules12 member
    Oh no -- that's horrible!  I'm so sorry that she kept this from you -- it must feel awful!  I agree with everyone else, this certainly seems to be more about her own issues that her concern for your feelings.  Again, so sorry!  (((hugs)))
    TTC since honeymoon in 9/2010
    Me: 39, Dx DOR (FSH = 10.5, AMH = 0.43, best AFC = 10), AMA
    MH: 37, Dx Obstructive Azoospermia, multiple successful sperm retrieval procedures

    1/2012: IVF/ICSI #1 Antagonist = cancelled d/t poor response to max stims
    2/2012: IVF/ICSI #2 MDLF (4R, 4M, 1F) = BFP, saw heartbeat, missed m/c 9w0d, D&E
    8/2012: IVF/ICSI #3 EPP/MDLF (7R, 2M, 1F) = BFN

    12/2012: (New RE) Operative hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue

    1/2013: IVF/ICSI #4 Low-dose stim/Antagonist (AFC=6); ER=1/26 (5R-couldn't access rt ovary, 5M, 4F), ET=1/29 (trans 3) = BFP!; 2/11 beta#1(13dp3dt)=2127, 2/13=3367; twin girls due 10/19/13

    PAIF/SAIF very welcome!

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt16bf7d.aspx" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
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    may2806may2806 member
    imagereb259:

    imageMrs.McIrish:
    Hugs.  You have to love when friends say it was "too hard" for them to tell us. Imagine how hard it is to live with IF. She should have been thinking of you and not herself. Did she think it would get easier the more pg she was? I don't get people sometimes.  So sorry she made you cry:-(

    I agree...either way it is not easy and it hust reinforces how much this sucks!!  Big hugs!!

    I agree too. I'm sorry you're in this situation. ((HUGS)) 

    Dx: High FSH, stage IV endo, homozygous C677T MTHFR and PAI-1
    Early loss 10/08
    Lap 1/09
    IVF #1 "natural IVF" - 1 egg retrieved, missed m/c
    Tried several mini-stim cycles with no response
    Switched clinics - dx'd as carrier for Fragile X
    IVF #2 MDL protocol Jan/Feb converted to IUI, BFN
    IVF #2 take 2: Antagonist, one embie, BFN
    IVF #3: Antagonist, no fertilization
    One last ditch effort at OE IVF (antagonist with Clomid) cancelled
    DE cycle #1 Jan/Feb 2011, BFP, ectopic
    DE cycle #2 June/July 2011 - BFP
    10/28/11 Baby girl lost at 17 weeks due to pre-term labor. We love and miss you.
    DE cycle #3 June/July 2012 - BFP, twins, both heartbeats stopped, D&C
    2 frosties but don't know what's next
    FET Dec 2012: BFP! Praying this one sticks for the long haul!
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    orange1414orange1414 member
    ((hugs)) It was not a good call for her to keep that a secret. I'm sure it made it even more hurtful than it would have been otherwise. I'm sorry :(
    Trying to grow our family with both fertility treatments and adoption since March 2009 
    IUIs#1-4 = BFN, IVF#1 = c/p, IVF#2 = OHSS, FET#1=BFP
    BabyFruit Ticker
    image
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    SweetDahliaSweetDahlia
    I'm sorry. Hugs. It's the worst part when they don't tell you. I mean 20 weeks, that's just cruel and awful. Secrets suck. Fertile people suck! IF sucks!
    PAIF and SAIF Always Welcome!
    TTC since 2007
    6 IUIs, 3 IVFs, and 2 m/c :< PCOS, Blood Clotting Disorder & MFI
    IVF #2 Aug 2011 is a BFN:<
    IVF #3 March 2012 is a BFN
    Not sure what to do now. Sad and lost.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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    Jlynn3Jlynn3

    I agree that you are not being overly sensitive at all.  I understand the not knowing how to tell you, but to not tell you at all has to be painful.

    big big (((hugs)))

    SAIFW
    TTC since 2008 dx PCOS & MFI
    Clomid/Femara no "O"
    IVF #1 BFN
    FET #1 cancelled for biopsy
    FET #1.2 c/p, July 2012 c/p
    IUI #1 & 1.2 canceled
    IVF #2 ER 12/1, Freeze all due to OHSS
    FET #2.1 cancelled due to DVT risk, FET #2.2 Jan 2013
    my blog
    image
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