Was this offensive?

wychets

I was talking with a co worker who just had a baby girl about 8 weeks ago. Her DD was born at 28 weeks and was in the NICU for 3 weeks. So we often talk about our kids. Well yesterday she mentioned that my DD was small for 9 months and I said "remember she is a premie so she tends to be smaller than FT babies" she paused and said "I am a little offended that you call your Daughter a premie when she is basically FT" I was speechless. I said to her "well she wasn't born at 37 weeks so she is a premie, late term but still a premie" then she stormed off. I have played this convo over and over in my head thinking "did I say something wrong?" I never want to offend anyone!!

So my question ladies is would you be offended? If you have a micropremie do you feel offended when a late term premie mom calls her baby a premie?

Missa_g

No, it wouldn't offend me. But her baby was only in the NICU for 3 weeks? There is absolutely no way that is true.

katie4253

No, it wouldn't have offended me. It sounds like she's got some issues she needs to work they. Having a preemie isn't a contest. My baby is more preemie than your baby is a slippery slope.

katie4253

I also do not believe her baby was only in the nicu for 3 weeks.

Mrs. Alice

Offended?  No.  I will admit that when the NICU was still fresh I was way more sensitive and once had a stranger tell me about her 36 week preemie and it made a me a little irritated because I felt like she was comparing out experiences.  Keep in mind I was still completely stressed from the NICU and all we went through before that.  I will also admit that before I was more knowledgeable about preemies I didn't really know or consider that 36 weekers were considered preemies (at least not in the sense that most people think of).  Maybe it was because I worked in mother-baby and we regularly had 36 weekers who did fine along with the FT babies.  However I know better now and have learned that there is a wide range and not to try to compare my experience to another. 

Also her baby would been in the NICU for longer than 3 weeks, was that a typo?

wychets

Very good point about being in the NICU for 3 weeks! I didn't even think about it when she told me that. Interesting. That can't be true. I can't see a 31 weeker being sent home. However I am surprised that she commented on DD size as well considering the source. Thanks ladies!

urbanflowerpot

Does she really have a preemie? JK ;D

jacque_z

I wouldn't have been offended by what you said.  Also I have to agree with PPs.  I'm surprised that a mom to a 28 weeker would even make a comment about size and there is almost no way a 28 weeker only spent 3 weeks in the NICU. 

Missa_g

BostonKisses2:

wychets:

Very good point about being in the NICU for 3 weeks! I didn't even think about it when she told me that. Interesting. That can't be true. I can't see a 31 weeker being sent home. However I am surprised that she commented on DD size as well considering the source. Thanks ladies!

Wait, was it a 31 weeker or a 28 weeker?  I'm so confused! 

I think she meant that a 28 weeker would be 31w gestation if they went home at 3w actual. There is no way that would happen.

Bluebird2318

DD is "extremely premature," so a bit farther along than a micro-preemie, but... That's not even remotely offensive. Preemie isn't exactly a flexible term. I vaguely remember one of the NICU nurses telling someone (another parent perhaps?) that even if a baby was 36 weeks 6 days they would be sent down to NICU/SCN initially. To be as honest as I possibly can though, if it were absolutely in the cards for me to have my next baby be a preemie as well, I would be relieved if he/she did make it to 36 weeks (only because I've already been a preemie mom, and I've acquired that mindset that every extra day is a blessing). But I would never think, even for a moment, that he/she was "not a preemie." I think I risk being offensive by saying that more than you do by calling your late-term preemie a preemie.

Sherry414

My girls were born at 27 weeks and I wouldn't have found your comment offensive. Though I did roll my eyes when a girl posted on Facebook 'finally after 2 LONG days in the NICU my baby is coming home!'

I agree with everyone...no way her 28 weeker was only in the hospital for 3 weeks. Two of my three girls had a smooth NICU stay and were in for 72 days.

wychets

Missa_g:

BostonKisses2:

wychets:

Very good point about being in the NICU for 3 weeks! I didn't even think about it when she told me that. Interesting. That can't be true. I can't see a 31 weeker being sent home. However I am surprised that she commented on DD size as well considering the source. Thanks ladies!

Wait, was it a 31 weeker or a 28 weeker?  I'm so confused! 

I think she meant that a 28 weeker would be 31w gestation if they went home at 3w actual. There is no way that would happen.

Yes this exactly. She was born at 28wks but she told me that she was only in the NICU for 3wks so she would have been 31weeks when she went home. Which I agree with PP's I find that hard to believe, crazy how I didn't even think about it when she told me.

wychets

Thanks for all your replies ladies. I didn't think what I said was offensive and just wanted other opinions.

As far as the 3 week NICU stay it never occurred to me that she was saying her baby came home at 31wks:() I am hoping I misunderstood her. I understand she she may be a more sensitive to the issue, but having a premie is a sensitive subject all togther.

CTbride79

I know I'm late to this, but totally agree with PP that first, there is NO way her 28 weeker was only in the NICU for 3 weeks!  I had a 32 weeker, who was the size of a 29 weeker due to IUGR, and even with no breathing assistance, he was still in the NICU almost 6 weeks. She is definitely not being truthful about that! 

But as the mom of a moderately premature baby, I would not be offended and storm away if someone called their 36 weeker a preemie...they ARE a preemie.  Just like FT babies, preemies come in a wide array of sizes and ages.  Just like there is a wide span of what is considered FT, the same goes for preemies.  She needs to get over herself. 

IncogNeato

I can see why she might FEEL a little weird about it, but you weren't trying to compare anything and I think it was rude of her to say it.

A friend of mine had her son at barely 25 weeks. He spent 90some days in the NICU and whenever I talk to her about preemie stuff I make a point to say that I now our experience was nothing like hers and that DD was a late-term preemie but she usually just rolls her eyes and says, "You had a preemie!" She knows that even though our experiences were VERY VERY different that I still understand her experience better than most full-term moms would. 

In fact, when I talk about DD's size, or getting sick, or my current pregnancy, she's usually the one who points out that "Of course you worry- you know what it's like to have a preemie."

And yeah, the 3 weeks thing???? Is she like a real-life troll? Or maybe she meant to say 3 months?

snoangel79

No not at all a preemie is a preemie... Yes, some have had a lot harder roads to travel but I seriously would not be insulted by what you said. I don't understand how her 28 weeker would only be in a NICU for 3 weeks though... that's fishy as hell...