Hi Dad's :) — The Bump
Dads & Dads-to-be

Hi Dad's :)

Since the majority of the women on here are hormonal and pregnant, I figured they aren't the go-to people for advice in this situation! Stick out tongue

 

I've been with the father of my children for 4+ years now. We've been living together since about 3 months before my first pregnancy. When we first moved in together, everything was great. We both worked full time, and any money we had was just "our money", we never really had an issue with sharing the income, making sure we were both getting all the things we wanted.

Skip forward to now, with a toddler and a baby on the way.

 He has a different job now, and lately he's been working 15 hour days. I understand that he's working his ass off for the money he's bringing home. However, there are simple things that I'm having to go without because "he's the one that's actually working"

I could understand if I was asking for ridiculous things like designer bags and new clothes, but I'm not, I swear!

Our son just turned 1 in July.  I printed off thank you notes for people, and let him know that I needed stamps to get them sent out. He said that he shouldn't have to spend money on thanking MY family for a bunch of gifts. The only family he has is his mom/siblings.

Well, those thank you notes are still sitting on the counter. Guess those aren't going out this year!

I wear contacts, and I was down to my last pair. I wear disposable contacts, which are 2 weeks maximum wear. When I put the pair in, I commented to him that I would need some new. He kept saying "next pay check". Well 6 weeks later, my eyes have severe irritation, and we still "don't have the money for that. I ended up having to borrow the money from my grandma just to buy a couple boxes of contacts.

My car has something wrong with it. I have no idea what. I have no idea how much it will cost to fix it. But it's been sitting, parked in my grandma's garage for a month now, and not 1 penny has been put into saving for a new car, or fixing this one, so everyday I'm stuck sitting in a 1 bedroom apartment with no way to leave, while my grandparents bug me about when the car is going to move. 

 

But, there's always money for him to make a last minute trip to the bar with his buddies.

 

I know he's working 15 hour days, and he's got the stress of a toddler AND a pregnancy on his shoulders, but  I'm feeling a bit neglected here!

Is there any way I can talk to him about this without coming off as a complete ***?

 

Re: Hi Dad's :)

  • It is so hard to have that "money talk" when a couple is not married, in my opinion. From how this read, it appears that the two of you are not married, correct?

    I know that this is 2012 and the days of the traditional family only route are a thing of the past, and I can respect that.

    But marriage is a legal contract, and it is the one thing that many men that I know who are living with their family, unmarried, remain that way because they feel that they can have complete control of the money that they bring into the relationship.  Marriage kind of forces that whole shared property mentality that leads to houshold budgets and a sense of partnership.

    Try to have the money talk, but recognize that unmarried men have specific ideas on how "their money" should be incorporated into the household. I knwo many men who avoid marriage for that precise reason.

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  • Unfortunately I agree with the above.

    It's rough when you are not married...try to have the talk and have some realistic expectations and some pro-active solutions. Maybe you get some funds every week to save and do whatever you need to with them. Or you get a chance to see the cash flow and where everything is going so you get a better perspective on how the house is managed. Something.

    But definitely prepare for the talk with actionable items. We don't do well with pointing fingers and emotional conversations. You will not get anywhere is you start that way and IF he is not your husband and is acting the way you say, you will only get more of the same.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • imageDavidStamps:
     

     We don't do well with pointing fingers and emotional conversations. You will not get anywhere is you start that way and IF he is not your husband and is acting the way you say, you will only get more of the same.

    I agree with this completely.  This needs to be handled with tact and as two equals trying to better their household.

    A man without a band on his finger.....good luck!

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