no presents at party issue

KathrynMD

DD's birthday is in December.  We're on the birthday party circuit w/ all her friends now and DD's is the last.  I am planning on doing a "your presence is all the gift the birthday girl needs" kinda thing for all her friends.  But, I don't want anyone to feel awkward that we got their kid a gift, but I'm declining theirs.  Should I give people a heads up now?

74dragonfly

.I wouldn't. That would make me feel awkward, guilty for not doing a no present party

neverblushed

No.  It will seem like you are pressuring them to do the same.  Just put a "no presents please" on the invite.  Know that some people will still bring presents, though!  It always seems like there's some parent who can't come empty-handed!

One of DS's preschool buddies collected pet food to donate to a local animal shelter, instead of having guests bring him a present, which was a nice touch.  People still felt they were bringing something to the party, and it helped people to not feel compelled to get a gift anyway.

I'm a big fan of the "no presents" party.  Now, if only I could get my kids on board with that.... 

74dragonfly

We are doing a no present party too

Sawyerplus1

No, i wouldn't give them a heads up at this point. Save it for the party invite. I am totally on board with "no present" parties, but I like the donation idea too! It gives people the chance to satisfy the need they feel to bring something. 

Littlejen22

Don't do it especially since you are the last. If you wnt to forgo gifts talk to each of the parents and see of they would agree to no gifts or maybe a 5 gift.

ETA that I meant don't do it on the invite, most people hate it and few do it IRL. And if someone brings a gift the others will be embarrassed.

ElatedMom2B

I would definitely say something along the lines of "in lieu of presents please bring a donation for ____".  I think asking people not to bring presents to a birthday party is pretentious.  It not only insinuates that you automatically thought that everyone was going to bring a gift - yes, that's what people do at bday parties - but I just always thought it was tacky for people to assume.  I also feel like someone is asking this to present themselves in a better light.  Its a choice that people make to bring gifts, even though it is the normal, its not mandatory. 

Aside from the above being just my opinion (though one that I have shared with friends of mine when this same situation arose), I also agree with pp that if someone does bring a gift - which is bound to happen - others will be embarrassed or feel bad that they didn't bring a gift.

Sorry - not trying to belittle your decision or put you down.  I am just giving you a different perspective - maybe? 

jlw2505

No, I would not give people a heads up - that would be strange if I received an email or something about it.  If you want to do a no present party - go for it.  Maybe include a note that says something along the lines of "No gifts please, if you wish, please bring a book (or whatever) for us to donate in honor of our childs birthday" or suggest that people can make a donation to xyz charity in her honor.  DD has been invited to a party for this Sunday and the invite asked the kids to bring a wrapped book rather than a gift and that the kids would do a book exchange at the party so I am assuming that will the "party bag" that the kids all leave with.  At least that is how it worked a few years ago at a party that did the same thing.  The kids loved it.

NerdyMama2

I wouldn't.

brewcitybride

My friend just did something really cool for her DD's second birthday. She has two girls, 4 and 2. They don't need anything. They have so many toys it's really outrageous, like a lot of us have too many toys. On her DD's party invites, she said the typical no presents please, BUT if you'd like to bring something, please donate a book or two from your own library.

It worked like a charm! I think some people did actually go out and purchase books, but it looked like the majority brought books from their own kids' rooms. My DD (age 3) loved picking out two books of her own to give to the birthday girl. I'd give it a shot!