I'm gonna be stabby!

Christina_Diane

DS is having another horrible night. Dh isn't helping because 1) I won't do CIO, which he wants to do, so he won't help, and 2) his neck has been hurting more, he has a bulging disc in his neck, and it has gotten to the point where he is actually considering surgery once his shoulders are healed.

It is 1:30. I put DS down for bed shortly before 8. He has been up at 8:20, 9, 10:30, 11, and now 1. I have to work tomorrow. Dh is staying home.

He told me under no circumstance is he okay with me taking DS in the spare room and sleeping with him. I want to. It is the only way I will get decent sleep before my alarm goes off in 4 hours. 

metucker

Omg. I had a rough night with dd, too, so I'm dreading work, but if MH said any of that, I'd be beyond pissed. I'm sorry 

dubs3

Do it! You need to be able to function for work, and what happens if your LO decides to wake up a bunch tomorrow night? It doesn't doesnt sound like your DH is up for helping then, either, so get sleep where you can! Your DH can go fly a kite I bet it's reeeeaaaall easy to make demands from his cozy, comfy bed where he's getting loads of beautiful, uninterrupted sleep. Try to get some sleep!

TrudyCampbell

I don't think your husband can have much of a say in what you do if he's not at all willing to help. I'd probably be in his room turning on the lights and making him get up too especially if he stays at home. Hope you get some serious rest soon.

dojo1

So your DH either calls all the shots or doesn't participate?  I'd be ticked! 

Marie509

Ummm...yeah, no. Take your Lo in the spare room and get some sleep. If your h doesn't like it maybe he should help out.

ADub09

I think at this point you need to do whatever you need to do to get some sleep. My DH doesn't get up in the night either but I also don't go to work. You need some help and not just the telling you what to do kind of help.

Ladybug32110

I'm so sorry :[ sounds beyond frustrating/tiring! You guys really need to talk and figure out a plan you both agree and feel comfortable with, but don't do it when either of you are upset! I hope you get some sleep! In the meantime can you just try saying that until you talk about it, you're going to do what you need to do to get sleep so you are safe driving, etc?

eav2c

Hugs! What did you end up doing!? C and I have been cosleeping. Honestly you need to do what you need to do. Cosleep if you must, your H will get over it.

Christina_Diane

I didn't co sleep. I sucked it up and slept in my bed, but DS did give me a 3 hour stretch from 2-3' so I probably got at least 2 hours and 45 minutes of uninterrupted sleep.

I totally get that dh is in pain. He still needs to have surgery in his other shoulder and now he is considering neck surgery, but that can't excuse him from everything at night. The last time DS had a night similar to this I co slept for the remainder of the night and got some okay sleep. However, the night after that dh let DS cry in his crib for 4 minutes while I was downstairs packing my pump and lunch for the next day. DS wasn't going to sleep and dh said it was because in one night I started a bad habit. Eye roll. 

The thing that sucks the most about this is that we disagree about parenting styles for getting DS to sleep, and neither of us is right or wrong - we just disagree.

I am going to try to tell him that I am going to bed immediately after I nurse DS the last time tonight. He has agreed to do that before, so I just really hope he isn't in any extra pain, but he will be since he has physical therapy today.

jacka02

I am sorry!! Hang in there, i so hope it passes soon for you. When lou woke up at 130 this morning, H and i got into a fight about what to do. We all have to get on the same page, but it is hard.

huahualove

I'm sorry. You should tell him that you are going to do what is best for your son no matter what and he should respect your decision since you are the mother. There is no reason why he can't help out since he is staying home. You don't want to be so sleep deprived to where you could get in a wreck or something. When I was working full time and going to school full time I go no sleep an actually fell asleep driving a few times and I don't want something like that to happen to you. If he isn't going to help and respect you parenting choice then you should bed share. On bad nights I slept on ds's floor with him even, it sucked but sometimes it was the only way for me to get any sleep. Another suggestion would be to compromise on a modified CIO. I'm sorry he is being a jerk about this.

JFH2010

I'm getting stabby on your behalf. It's true that neither of you is right or wrong in terms of parenting style, but he's handling it like a petulant child. It's bad enough that he won't help because you won't do it his way, but it's completely wrong that he then wants to tell you how YOU should do it. He needs to get his sh!t together and help out while you hammer out a compromise. You've said you're willing to do Ferber if you do it later. That sounds like a compromise to me. You'd rather not do it at all, but you're willing to do it later. IMO YH should help out until then, read the book, then do it when you're ready.

laurack

I get (sort of) where he is coming from. Not that I agree with him but I see his thought process. We just do CIO -- crying stops. If we dont do CIO -- why should I deal with it when I want to do CIO?

However two things. ONE: has he read any books on CIO or sleep training in general? Tell him to read Ferbers book, you'll read it and then you can discuss it together and go from there. 

TWO: if he is not helping out then he does not get to decide how YOU try to deal with it. So if you want to cosleep with the baby in another room for a while then you can do that if you want. It's not up to him.

Good luck, sucky situation but baby is still so young! That's what I think to myself as I drag myself out of bed for her MOTN feedings. Eventually she'll not need MOTN feedings and until then she needs me. Hubbys don't really get it. Also I think they say "oh just let the baby cry it out" when they don't really understand how bad the crying can get and how hard it is to listen to and how impossible it would be to sleep through (unless you are a man,lol).

gisa886

I'd tell him to go eff himself and take the baby to the other room and sleep! Or I would leave one night for about 30 minutes and let YH attempt CIO and see how he handles it.

BelleWithABlade

I agree with everyone else, he is being a douche.  He seriously needs to man up.

Christina_Diane

Well apparently dh said I should have woken him up. Uuuuugh. Why are men so frustrating? He is going to put j to sleep tonight and stay awake a lil while longer so that I can sleep. Yay.