Vent, but making progress..

crene84

So, I've been a bit anxious and frustrated for the past week.  BM made BF sound so supportive, so great..but so far, he's proven to be a bit difficult.  He lives 2 hours away so my attorney has set up an agency he can go into near his home to sign his paperwork in front of a notary.  We were just waiting for him to give us his address so my attorney could complete the paperwork.  He is keeping the adoption a secret from his family so he refused to give his address.  I explained we did not need to mail him anything, but he still refused. Finally, my attorney agreed to send the paperwork with the address blank and we're hoping he'll fill it in when he goes to the notary.

I feel like I have a pretty negative picture of BF now.  BM went through this entire pregnancy without any help from him (he didn't offer to help her pay for appts or an u/s, etc), and now he is barely doing the tiny part he has to do to make this go smoothly.  Also, I found his twitter account and it doesn't paint a very good picture of him.  He is subscribed to all these raunchy websites and has tons of pictures of some interesting looking girls.  I am not sure what I'll tell LO some day..hmm

The good news, we have BM's attorney assigned, the paperwork for BF is almost done, and BM might qualify for Medicaid after all!  

Rachel Sonnier

So sorry things aren't going very smoothly with him. However, I would try my hardest to find at least one "silver lining" trait to attribute to your LO's BF (and maybe write down in a journal so you don't forget! LOL). I am sure it is terribly hard, especially if you are close to BM and you want to advocate for her. I am sure I would feel the same way.

I am only commenting on this, because our case worker made it a point in our interview to discuss with us how important it is to not inadvertently portray a negative attitude about BM or BF to our future LO. I really hadn't thought very much about it until she was explaining, but she made some very good points. I have been thinking a lot about the "what if's" over the past few weeks, and how I would potentially work through that. I think its probably really hard and frustrating. I hope he starts participating more, and I REALLY hope he gives you guys something positive to hold onto and share with LO in the future. :-)

I love reading your updates. I can't wait to hear that your LO is finally in your arms!! 

crene84

Rachel Sonnier:

So sorry things aren't going very smoothly with him. However, I would try my hardest to find at least one "silver lining" trait to attribute to your LO's BF (and maybe write down in a journal so you don't forget! LOL). I am sure it is terribly hard, especially if you are close to BM and you want to advocate for her. I am sure I would feel the same way.

I am only commenting on this, because our case worker made it a point in our interview to discuss with us how important it is to not inadvertently portray a negative attitude about BM or BF to our future LO. I really hadn't thought very much about it until she was explaining, but she made some very good points. I have been thinking a lot about the "what if's" over the past few weeks, and how I would potentially work through that. I think its probably really hard and frustrating. I hope he starts participating more, and I REALLY hope he gives you guys something positive to hold onto and share with LO in the future. :-)

I love reading your updates. I can't wait to hear that your LO is finally in your arms!! 

Thanks!  I think BF and maybe even BM will want a closed adoption.  BM originally talked about semi-open but the more I talk to her, the more "uninvolved" she seems to want to be, so we shall see.  I definitely think BF will want closed.  It'll be tough to make these decisions as my child gets older, especially since I know right now LO will have at least 5 siblings..but since both BM and BF are keeping it a secret from their families, I'm not sure how it will all play out.  I'll definitely be taking the advice of SW or counselors as this child grows up.

DaisyZH

That is a difficult situation, it must be hard to have a good impression of him based on the information that you do have.  As PP said, if you do think of something positive definately write it down, that is a great idea - that way you won't have to struggle for an answer someday if your child asks about him. 

MayDayGirl

I agree with Rachel. Our bf was difficult at first and I am fb friends with him through a private no info acct and he posts nude pics and pics of Guns and gang related stuff all the time. but I still care deeply about him because he gave us our daughter, and he loves her too. He wasn't raised in the same "world" we live in and he only does what he was raised to do.

Try for this babies sake not to focus too much on the negative.

Dr.Loretta

I"m so sorry.

We had a similar issue. DD was a surprise pregnancy, and BM and BF had broken up well before her birth. When he was notified, he chose to ignore all contact. They finally got a hold of him, and he wanted nothing to do with the whole situation, and didn't want his family knowing. He was in the reserves, so he chose to have all paperwork dealt with on base, which he only visited once a month. And our lawyer said he didn't get a good view of him from the people he talked to there.

We ended up having to wait it out so the lawyer could claim abandonment and have the court issue TPR.

I hope all the paperwork goes through OK on your end.