Introduction! PPD mixed with other medical issues. (long)

celestialnyte

Hello everyone -

I've been a lurker for a little while now. I have a 3 month old (well, he'll be 3 mths on the 15th!) little boy. I knew I had PPD at around 5 weeks but thought that it'd just "get better." That I was overreacting. That it couldn't happen to me. (I worked with families in crisis, so I know all the tell tale signs and somehow I thought that knowing the signs and knowing what to look out for somehow equated to it not being able to happen to me.)

I got myself help at 8 weeks PP. I'm on Lexapro and Xanax (I started on Atavain, but it made me dizzy and I hated it.) The Lexapro is starting to work. I'm not feeling so much like a failure as a mother all the time.

Unfortunately, I'm also dealing with other medical issues as well. I've got intestinal troubles - bleeding that has caused me to have 13 colonoscopies, 3 surgeries, and a combined 29 other tests and over 100 medications, none of which has fixed the problem, nor do my doctors (over 12 of them now) know why its happening. I went back to the doctor yesterday and they are going to have to do another colonoscopy on October 8th and told me to not be surprised if it leads to another surgery. I'm absolutely petrified that I won't wake from being put under...even though I know its so rare. I'm finally starting to feel better as a person and a human and a mother with my PPD, and now I have to go back to dealing with this. The intestinal issues are so bad that my dr has taken me out of work until Jan 1st. (Which, to be perfectly honest, is actually okay with me, because I will collect short term disability and I'll be able to stay at home with my baby. But I also am having a difficult time not being able to work because leaving the house and working was helping me feel productive but it also was causing me to have anxiety/panic attacks due to my medical issues.)

Anyways, if you made it this far congrats! I hope to gain some support here for my PPD and to offer it as well! 

emnoahmom

Welcome! I am new here too:) Seems like you have a lot you are dealing with, sorry about that. I hope you find this board a good supportive place. I find it's a bit slow, which is disheartening since I feel many of us ppd mom's could really use a lot of feedback and advice and reassurance that we are not the only ones going through these feelings!

cbmp06

Hi and welcome!  I am sorry to hear you've been going through all that!  That's a lot to deal with on top of PPD.   But I'm glad to hear the Lexapro is starting to work!  That helps As PP mentioned, the board tends to be slow, which is unfortunate because out of all the boards, we probably need the most help! (in my opinion!) But I'm glad it's here.  Welcome aboard!

tidetravel

Hello!

As the other ladies have said, this board does tend to be slow.  When I first started here, about a year ago, I was like, "HEY!  I see you people reading these posts!  Why aren't you commenting!  Lets all come out of lurkdom!"  but that didn't really happen.  I think the reason that this board is so slow is two fold:

1)  there is such a stigma surrounding PPD that people are afraid of talking about it

and

2)  it's difficult to support another person when you're in the depth of PPD yourself. 

I haven't been active on this board because of that reason.  I was diagnosed w/ PPD at 4 months PP, and it's really only now, a year later, that I feel well enough to come back here and start supporting other people.  Before now, I felt that coming here, trying to support others just put too much weight on my shoulders.  

 

I am sorry that you're going through all of this.  I can understand what you must be feeling:  you're finally starting to feel better and enjoy spending time with your baby and now you are afraid that you're not going to get the chance.  That must be a terrifying thought.  I'm not sure that I can give you any words of wisdom.  Just try to take it day by day and not let that thought hold on too tight.  My coping mechanism in the face of PPD was to allow myself 5 minutes a day to completely break down and give into my fears.  I could cry, scream, punch the wall, etc. within those 5 minutes, but after that, my cry time was done for that day and I made myself "pull it together" and go about my day as much as I could.