gf is pregnant — The Bump
Dads & Dads-to-be

gf is pregnant

just saw this board.... my gf just told me she's pregnant last weekend.... trying to be supportive of her but i really dont know how.

Re: gf is pregnant

  • Be supportive by listening for starters.  Her body is going through crazy changes right now and she may want to talk/vent.  If you are living together, try taking over more of the household chores, as there are some that she shouldn't be doing much longer anyways or should stop now (i.e. changing cat boxes if you have a cat), and even if she is still able to do them physically, she's not likely to have the energy to do so anyways.  Tell her she's beautiful, she may not always feel like she is.

     

    Couple of notes that may help you in the near term:

    Her boobs will likely become really sore, if they aren't already, so she's probably not going to let you touch, even though they've gotten bigger.

    There is a good chance she will become increasingly emotional due to hormone fluctuations.  This can include her crying at commercials, or just about anything.  She's not crazy and she can't help it.

  • Your life is over.

     

    Nah, just kidding. You will hear that a lot though from other guys. Especially if you are in the 18-25 age bracket and friends with childless guys.

     

    Really there is nothing you can do to be supportive except make her feel loved, relaxed, and appreciated it. Listen to what is on her mind. She is going to be upset at things she wasn't before. She is going to change a lot. The biggest thing is just smile, nod, and say "Yes, dear." Sometimes.. leave off the smile. My wife told me "I hate your smile and stop smiling at me" once. But to be honest, we are a few weeks from the 3rd trimester and it seems that the 2nd trimester was much better than the first temperament wise.

    How old are you? How long have you guys been together? Do you guys live together? Do you have some kind of financial plan together? I would highly recommend hammering out some issues that concern both of you sooner rather than later. As time goes on your girlfriend will start to change- you will soon find out the gender (around 20 weeks she should have an ultrasound that will reveal it if you want), she will get big, you will be able to feel the baby etc. As it becomes more real of a situation it will only signal to you that it is coming sooner rather than later- and the more things you have ironed out the less stressed you will be about the situation.

    So for now.. relax.. make her feel relaxed.. and seriously come up with a game plan post baby. Will she work? Do you make enough for her to stay at home? Does she live with her parents? Have you guys told your parents if they will be needed to help raise the baby, watch the baby, etc? The more things you have planned out the less stressed you will be about the whole situation.

     Good luck man.

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  • First off, congrats!!  I can totally understand being lost when it comes to supporting our women. At normal hormone level that is hard...at pregnant hormone level....OUCH!!!

    My Golden Rule:

    For the next nine months, whatever issues you may be having, physically or emotionally, keep them to yourself. Whatever you are going through is nothing compared to the emotional and physical rollercoaster she will be going through.  So if you have heartburn one night...KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!

    Sore back???  KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!!

    And pick it up when it comes to keeping the house clean.  Little things like doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, etc. can go a long way towards helping her relax and feel at ease.

    The main thing is to keep her comfort level as high as possible.  Taking some of those house duty tasks of her plate will go a long way in that area.

    Your most important job is to not complain at all during the next 9 months. Anything short of cancer or a heart attack is not worthy for her ears to hear!!

    image

  • well she was already an emotional person before this whole thing came up so i guess that's why it's been a lot worse?

    she still lives with her parents. so like the cat thing, does that just apply to the liter?

  • She shouldn't touch the cat boxes at this point.  Toxoplasmosis is not something you want to deal with while pregnant.  She can pet the cat (probably would want to wash up before eating) and such, just no dealing with cat poop.

  • imageladyjenna13:

    First off, congrats!!  I can totally understand being lost when it comes to supporting our women. At normal hormone level that is hard...at pregnant hormone level....OUCH!!!

    My Golden Rule:

    For the next nine months, whatever issues you may be having, physically or emotionally, keep them to yourself. Whatever you are going through is nothing compared to the emotional and physical rollercoaster she will be going through.  So if you have heartburn one night...KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!

    Sore back???  KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!!

    And pick it up when it comes to keeping the house clean.  Little things like doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, etc. can go a long way towards helping her relax and feel at ease.

    The main thing is to keep her comfort level as high as possible.  Taking some of those house duty tasks of her plate will go a long way in that area.

    Your most important job is to not complain at all during the next 9 months. Anything short of cancer or a heart attack is not worthy for her ears to hear!!

     

    I am sorry, I think that is horrible advice. Pregnancy affects both parents, sure the woman's body goes through hormonal and physical changes that guys don't understand that doesn't mean you need to ignore your needs/feelings. If you let things build up you might explode unintentionally. Do not downplay anything that she feels, being moody, tired, hungry, or in pain. I encourage my husband all the time to tell me about how he is feeling and what concerns or questions he has. Just don't put her down and be patient. I get mad at my husband for little things and sometimes nothing but after a couple hours if I am in the wrong I realize and apologize. It really is a two way street, you need to be mindful of her needs and feelings and she needs to be mindful of yours, even though it will be harder for her sometimes;)

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • imageLorie+Elizabeth:
    imageladyjenna13:

    First off, congrats!!  I can totally understand being lost when it comes to supporting our women. At normal hormone level that is hard...at pregnant hormone level....OUCH!!!

    My Golden Rule:

    For the next nine months, whatever issues you may be having, physically or emotionally, keep them to yourself. Whatever you are going through is nothing compared to the emotional and physical rollercoaster she will be going through.  So if you have heartburn one night...KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!

    Sore back???  KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!!

    And pick it up when it comes to keeping the house clean.  Little things like doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, etc. can go a long way towards helping her relax and feel at ease.

    The main thing is to keep her comfort level as high as possible.  Taking some of those house duty tasks of her plate will go a long way in that area.

    Your most important job is to not complain at all during the next 9 months. Anything short of cancer or a heart attack is not worthy for her ears to hear!!

     

    I am sorry, I think that is horrible advice. Pregnancy affects both parents, sure the woman's body goes through hormonal and physical changes that guys don't understand that doesn't mean you need to ignore your needs/feelings. If you let things build up you might explode unintentionally. Do not downplay anything that she feels, being moody, tired, hungry, or in pain. I encourage my husband all the time to tell me about how he is feeling and what concerns or questions he has. Just don't put her down and be patient. I get mad at my husband for little things and sometimes nothing but after a couple hours if I am in the wrong I realize and apologize. It really is a two way street, you need to be mindful of her needs and feelings and she needs to be mindful of yours, even though it will be harder for her sometimes;)

    No one said ignore his feelings.  Learn how to read......

    The last thing my wife wanted to hear when she was pregnant, hormonal, and not close to being herself was me whining about a sore back, or a headache, or a rough day at work, or all the extra chores I now had on my honeydo list, etc.

    His focus needs to be on his pregnant wife first and foremost.  Guys are not like females...we do not sit around thinking about our feelings and needing to talk about our feelings to work through them. We are men, we are not programmed that way.

    He is a big boy, and all the men here know exactly what I am talking about.

    image

  • imagepolooo26:

    You said he should keep his emotional issues to himself. I can understand how Lorie thought you met that your feeling need to be ignored. I don't think a "learn how to read" comment was needed there.

    You came off as advocating that the guy should keep everything to himself and work through it. That's not going to work in most relationships. If the guy needs to vent about a bad day at work then his wife should be there to listen to him. And he shouldn't feel like he can't say his back is killing him if it really is. Yes, he should be more supportive and understanding than normal. He should also know the time and place for talking about his own issues. I agree with that. But that doesn't mean he should stop focusing on his own needs.

    The OP asked how to be supportive of his wife. I don't think he was looking for an answer of "whatever you do, don't complain". I think there are better ways of showing support than that.

    Thank you. My husband works 12 hour shifts and I know that by the time he gets home his back and feet hurt and he is tired, just because I am pregnant doesn't mean that he shouldn't voice it.  I've seen many family members who ended up divorced because they didn't talk things though and let stuff build up. I wasn't say he needed to sit around and talk about his feelings but he shouldn't be afraid to speak up if something is bothering him.

    BabyFetus Ticker
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