Am I expecting too much of him?

sunandsand

Without writing a novel, we've had a few experts tell us our 3 yo MIGHT have ADHD, but pedi says he's too young to do anything differently at this point and we should wait 6 months and see how he does at preschool before making a plan. And see if its still just his age. Has had an OT and BT eval but not going to see dev pedi yet. 

I like this approach. I don't want to rush a diagnosis or anything...he's not in school yet so he won't get behind in anything, and infact we are told he is ahead right now.

However, occassionally I feel guilty disciplining him and I'm wondering if I can and should be using the same techniques as a child with no behavior issues.

For example...repeatedly getting up from the table. I give a few warnings, and then take his food. Then I feel bad because I think maybe he physically can't sit still that long. Then I think no, he needs to learn to sit in his seat for when we are out to dinner, at someone elses house, etc. FYI we go outside about an hour before dinner to get energy out, and he winds down with TV and toys while I cook 

 Another example...most nights he does beautifully reading 2 books with me before bed. Some nights he wont sit still, interrupts me repeatedly, gets up, etc. Same deal...a few warnings, then book goes away and he goes to bed. 

Someone assure me I'm doing ok by him... 

Sawyerplus1

Funny you should ask this...I was JUST today talking to a friend about this. My sons pediatrician is pretty sure DS, 4.5 years old, has ADHD and my friend asked if the dx has helped me cope/understand his behavior better. I was talking about that same thing; it gives me an understanding of why he cant sit still at the dinner table, but it can't be an excuse to get away with things either, and I'm not really sure how to approach it now. I dunno, I still have some more evaluations and meetings with the pediatrician, so I can't offer you much else at this point! I'm interested to see answers from more experienced parents. 

malcivar

You seem like a very thoughtful and proactive mom.  

I can tell you one thing about dinner - DS still eats his lunch and dinner in a high chair because he's a wiggle monster otherwise.   I've not picked that as one of my battles.  For us right now it's about getting him to sit still and focus while doing an activity (puzzle, blocks, whatever).  No idea if he has ADHD though he's eerily like his dad sometimes who does have ADHD so who knows.  It hasn't come up with any of the evaluators yet so I don't know.

I can relate a funny story about my own childhood though and dinners - my mom had to contend with twins and oddly enough, my special needs sister sat quietly at her chair and ate her lunch while the other one (me) had to be fed in the following fashion.  

One spoonful of food in mouth.

Toddler runs into her bedroom (small apt).

Tap the bed

Run back to mommy

Next spoonful in mouth

Run to the bedroom

Tap the bed 

Repeat until dinner was finished.   

Go figure.  The times that we've found our little guy to be successful at eating outside his highchair and making it through almost the entire meal without running away or trying to move to another activity is PB&J.  He looooves this stuff or cut up hot dogs.  Basically - finger food.  Maybe try finger food dinners and take it from there?

good luck!