First week on own

jess123456

Hey ladies,

 

My mom came to visit us for these three past weeks to assist with everything relating to the loss of our baby girl. I took those three weeks off of work and having my mom home with us was so amazing and helpful. We had a small cemetery service for our baby girl on Saturday and my mom left yesterday (my mom lives out of state).  I work from home so I find myself home alone today very lonely and empty.

I work for myself so luckily I can make my own schedule for work but being here alone is very difficult. My DH is at work all day too and my friends work during the day not for themselves so aren't as flexible.  I am feeling a mix of emotions in addition to loneliness such as anger, frustration and hopelessness.

I know it is still very raw and new so I am trying to be easy on myself and not push myself too hard. I have had two previous losses (though early) so sadly I remember this feeling all too well.  However, what worked for you girls to get from one day to the next especially at the beginning? 

 I feel guilty for trying to distract myself but I know that's not right either. 

Thanks, ladies! 

fluttergirlmoonchild79

I remember my first day, first week at the house by myself.  I too work from home (not for myself) but from home.  I was still on maternity leave when my Corbin became an angel.  I ended up cutting it short but waited till the new year.  Before I went back to work, I just tried to do whatever would help the time go by.  Yes, like you I felt guilty for doing anything but always remember, your child wants you to live for them.  I did whatever could keep me occupied.  I watched movies, I read a few books (and I don't read), I did some cross-stitch (haven't done it in years), cleaned like a crazy woman, made elaborate meals, whatever.  When I started working again, it hit me really hard.  It felt so normal but yet nothing was normal (which is when I learned the phrase "new normal" and understood it).  It was hard for me because our plan was actually for me to quit soon after I returned from maternity leave.  Well, there was no point to doing that anymore so I worked.  And then I kept thinking "I shouldn't even be doing this."

Be gentle on yourself.  Do whatever it is you have the strength to do, even if it's just sitting on the couch and watching TV.  Applaud yourself for making it another minute.  Applaud yourself for making it through a day.  Write.  Take a walk.  Take a nap.  You will never forget your daughter and you will always think about her but as time goes on you will learn how to both think about her and "function" at the same time.  Trust me.  {{HUGS}}

jbranden12

*ticker warning*

 

 

 

In the beginning, I really took it hour by hour. Netflix was my go-to, I found new shows that I could just watch episode after episode to pass the time. I spent a lot of time on the bump, on this board and lurking on ttcal and pgal to try to prepare myself for the next step in our journey. I focused on eating well, I had breakfast, a morning snack, lunch, and an afternoon snack to break up the day into sections. I went for a walk every evening with my husband. I went back to work and school about 10 days after I gave birth. It was difficult, but it did give me something to focus on to pass the time. It wasn't a distraction because I was still thinking about her every second, but it was another way to pass the day.

I agree with fluttergirl, there are no shoulds. Do whatever you can, whenever you can, and try not to let yourself feel guilty about anything!

katyms7

I had my first week on my own last week when my husband went back to work on Tuesday. Putting one foot in front of the other was hard on some days. I let myself feel the emotions that I wanted to feel at any point in time which would vary from sad, angry, shocked, and a few happy times.

 What has worked for me is I tried to leave the house every day. Making a plan with a friend or family member. Most of the days I was alone because everyone was working during the day. I would go out for a drive, go on a walk, text my husband a lot, and just do whatever I felt like doing day to day. I had to learn to become selfish and that was hard for me.

Also feel free to send me a message if you want to talk since we both seem to be going through the same process. Sending hugs your way.

dandywarhol

I took 2 weeks off from work following our loss at 21w. DH is a professor and only has to be on campus 3x a week so I never had a long expanse of time alone. When he was at work I mostly kept myself busy journaling, searching the internet for comfort and answers, talking to the women here, and lying in bed doing nothing. We also had a memorial service 2 weeks after our loss so I spent a lot of time organizing the service.

Going back to work was a bit of a relief because it gave me something to focus on though there were many times when in the middle of a meeting I felt like screaming, "None of this matters. My baby is DEAD!"