Grandma Daycare Issue

sf00041

I am fortunate in that my mom is my sons daycare. I pay her $100/wk so it is not free but it is slightly less than the daycare we were contemplating and it comes with a loving devoted grandmother.

The problem I am having, though, is my mom does not take suggestions well, does not communicate well and is very sensitive and easily angered by perceived criticisms. What that means is I have little to no control over his eating habits during the day. I buy purees and other foods for her to feed him but I don't know when she feeds him and it is taken as an insult if I ask these kinds of things.

 Yesterday I was at her house and went to feed him lunch and found remnants of a pop-tart in his seat. This is not something we would choose to feed him at this point (he is 13 months old but we try to avoid all sweets other than fruit). She stormed out of the room and yelled that she fed him a donut too when I asked if she is feeding him pop-tarts. She also likes to feed him goldfish all day long. A few weeks ago I found out she had stopped feeding him any formula during the day because she thought I said that after he turns one he shouldn't have anymore bottles. I was talking about physical bottles (transitioning to cups), not their contents and was waiting for her formula to run out to switch him to cows milk. 

 I guess I am mostly just venting and wondering if I am over-reacting. As she likes to say - I grew up on this kind of stuff and I am just fine... Other than putting him in daycare, I'm not sure what to do. 

dglvrk2

No, you're not over reacting.  Some practices since we were babes may not need to change. Consistantly feeding your LO all day, not to mention foods like doughnuts and gold fish? Not that I have a gold star in late twentieth century history or anything,  but I think that has always been unhealthy. 

I'd have a serious talk with your mother.  Let her know what you appreciate about the care she gives your LO (eg. you know he's in a loving, safe enviornment).  Also remind her what you have asked of her before.  And let her know that you will consider daycare if she cannot meet your requests. 

Could you bring in DH for support? 

Good Luck!

 

AZ123

I don't think you're overreacting because the food problem of donuts and goldfish throughout the day can actual cause malnutrition. Also, when you switch from formula to milk you look at the entire eating of the day and make sure he's getting those nutrients elsewhere. The donut has no nutritional value. Also, the constant goldfish can cause tooth decay.I personally would outline a few specific rules that you aren't willing to bend on and ask her if she can adhere to them. If she says no and this is how I raised you etc, tell her Thank you but I'm putting him in daycare and now you can just be fun grandma on the weekends.

madamsmurfette

Without knowing the dynamics of your relationship with your mom, I'll say that I would be completely and brutally honest with my mom about this.

Yes, your mom is doing you a favor to some extent, but you are also paying her. She is providing a service for you and you should be able to voice any and all concerns you have, just as if LO were attending a day care center.

If your mom cannot accept your rules, then maybe she shouldn't be your daycare provider, esp if the amount she is saving you isn't much. Any other provider would give you paperwork daily detailing what LO ate and when, diaper changes and naps.

Sounds like your mom is being grandma and not daycare provider.

dairygirl19

I am by no means the food police. I would go down in flames on the Bump for some of the stuff I think is okay to feed my child.

However, it's my kid my choice. I also do it as a treat once in awhile not for 3 meals a day.

I would be livid with your Mom for sure and not much gets me worked up either.

She needs to listen, respect you and follow through on the rules. If you're not willing to speak to avoid family drama (which I understand) I would get LO signed up for daycare stat. Cheap daycare isn't worth the stress or making the next 8 Christmas gathering awkward.

 Usually I'm very "give a little take a little. Don't b*tch about cheap daycare." But in this case I side with you all the way. This is a pretty big issue and not one of those nitpicky situations  I'm used to seeing on here (As in OMG, my Mom doesn't use the suggested sippy cup!).

 

rosesandpeonies

That is why I don't have family members watch my kids on a daily basis.  However, financially I understand and it isn't truly harming him.

I would talk to her in a non confrontational way and just explain why it upsets you ,etc.  I would hope you could work it out because it sounds like a good situation emotionally and financially for your child.

My Mom and Dad are pretty much the same in parenting as I am so I don't come across many issues, and my sister who actually watches my kids a lot now is stricter than I am

Ugh its always something isnt it, but I would definitely talk to her because he is spending most of his time there.  An occastional pop tart is not the end of the world but it really has no nutritional value for his everyday food.   

rlyttle

You are the mom, you are the boss! Why don't you ask her to fill out daily report sheets? I like looking at the sheet everyday knowing what DS ate, how long his nap was, and any other comments about e day. $100 is good, but it's not amazingly cheap either. We pay $135/week & I feel like I have control over what goes on. My DCP takes suggestions very well! You might just have a heart to heart with her about making some changes so DS can stay in her care.

septmom11

I have the same issue.  A family member watches DD once a week for free.  They love having her and would refuse money.  When DD goes there i pack 2 nutrious meals and a snack.  Everytime i go to pick her up she is munching on goldfish ( not a few but the whole bag on her lap), or graham crackers or some other treat.  I will ask oh did she eat her lunch and they will say "no she didnt like it so i gave her...(all sorts of things i dont give DD).  But she eats what i pack at home all the time  THATS WHY I PACK IT, she does like it.  Im not sure how to approach the sitation because it is only one day a week and this family member is a bit of a self proclaimed baby expert.