Misbehaving 3.5 year old at preschool

Printergirl

My son (3.5) is at a daycare/preschool program. This summer he started having some behavior issues but we (teacher/director/us) figured age and stage he was going through. A group of 3 boys were going through it together and they were working on them. We've had a few calls, had to pick him up early once and basically have just had to chat with him about respectful behavior and making wise choices.

The 'trio' has been split as one boy moved up classrooms and they have kept my son and the other boy apart as much as they can while still allowing them to play and work through this. They see my son as the 'follower' and the one who understands the best of how this behavior is not acceptable.

That's great except the behavior is NOT stopping. We're trying positive reinforcement, talking about feelings, taking toys away. We're consistent with daycare and are firm about how he needs to act and rewards will be for good behavior. Well today I had to go to daycare as he and the other boy pretty much trashed the room. Toys everywhere, chairs pushed/thrown, yelling that they wouldn't stop or listen to the teachers. The other kids were taken out for playground time and when I got there he was cleaning up with one teacher while the other boy was cleaning with the director.

I talked with him again about why this was wrong, that mommy shouldn't have to leave work to clean his classroom and that his friends were sad about the room being trashed. He did pretty well with clean up while the other kid was tantruming. DS had one small tantrum which we ended pretty easily and then while we finished cleaning I saw just how my son is being treated by the other boy (I told him to pick up a toy and when he went to the other boy ran over to grab it before he could. Happened twice and made for lots of crying). Normal stuff but if this is what's going on when they are cleaning up obviously this little boy is doing it during playtime too. I'm going to talk to the teacher about it but aside from that I'm at a loss for how to curb this behavior. Ideas? Support? Liquor for me?

MLR04

Oh, man! I hate to hear things like this especially since my four-year-old has some behavior issues as well.  We're trying everything.  The punishments/repercussions you describe sound similar to ours.  Have you ever tried giving out tickets as a reward for good behavior and when he gets a certain amount of tickets he can choose a toy or something? Bad behavior gets tickets taken away.  When I say tickets I mean something like what you'd get at the fair.  It might sound weird and I have yet to try it but I hear sometimes it's effective.  My son loves showers as opposed to baths.  If we promise him a shower we sometimes see a benefit.  Just some suggestions...  Good luck.  

KathrynMD

why is the school calling you to clean up?

this is a behavior management issue the school should be handling there w/ the kids.

 

Printergirl

Thanks ladies. We are doing a sticker chart for good behavior (manners,  good pick ups, trying new foods, playing nicely with little brother, etc) and it is going okay. Not working as well as I would have liked.

I think they are trying to let the boys work on it together however I do think they need to step in before they start to get out of control. That's what I need to chat with them about tonight.

The calling the parents thing is something I'm mixed on. I want to know if he's not behaving and sometimes just hearing my voice telling him to get back to being a good boy works. But calling me to go to the school to 'see the damage' and 'impact him' is not what I want to be doing when I'm paying for them to deal with this stuff and I'm at work. I didn't have to stay to clean up but at that point I was there, needed to talk to him and wanted him to see that I was going to be happy when he started behaving again. After seeing the room I almost asked why they didn't remove the boys when it started happening instead of letting it get that far and then calling. Like I said, I need to chat with them.