Need help with my mourning husband

bewilderingstar

Hey guys,

I had a miscarriage at the beginning of last week. We found out for sure through 2 beta tests that I indeed miscarried. MH and I got those results on Friday. Since then he has been acting weird (mostly in a goofy way). This weekend he drank a lot more than usual. He was acting out on Saturday though I nipped that in the bud because I definitely wasn't going to be brunt of his fury. But last night into today, his anxiety is getting the best of him. It's manifesting in his stomach and he is having trouble working today. He won't really talk about the miscarriage though I know he's mourning. How can I help him? I've been trying to be light and fluffy. He almost cried Friday night when he first got home but he walked away from me. He didn't want to talk about it when he returned. I just want him to be at peace with it. I know it's still new, it's only been 6days since I lost the nugget. Do you guys have any tips on how to help him?

 

Thanks in advance.

ladyjenna13

Just be there for each other.  That is how my wife and I got over losing our first via miscarriage.

It is so hard to go from that high to the lowest of lows in such a short time. I will never forget seeing the heartbeat one week, and not seeing it the next week the day after my wife went through that horrible day. Broke our hearts.

But we dealt with it together. He has to talk through it at some point, so when he is at that point, just listen. Do not try to heal him....just listen and let him vent. I know that I had to vent, and we were pretty bummed out for a couple of months. Eventually, over time, the days will be less grey and hope will be seen.

So sorry for your loss.....

Prime

Sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately it just takes time.  Best thing is to just be supportive and be ready to listen/talk when he is ready.  Everyone is different so it's hard to give exact advice.  It's hard to imagine that things can get better, but they will.

When we had our loss this spring I also went the light and fluffy route just to try to take my wife's mind off of it.  That was probably the worst thing I could do for her.  She mistook it as a sign that I didn't care about what happened. After that very unpleasant discussion I realized the best I could do was just be there.

What eventually helped her was planting a rose bush in the front.  It gave her something to take care of again.  It's something that will live on and let her know that it wouldn't be forgotten.

Coltsdad

As a dad who has also dealt with an early loss of pregnancy, best I can say is be there for him. Light and fluffy probably doesn't translate well in this circumstance, though I can see why you may want to take that route.  For my wife and I, we rarely fight, but the 2 months after the loss, we probably fought more in that time frame than we have during the entire rest of our relationship.  Everyone has their way of coping, and I would not dare to try to suggest how someone else is grieving.  The loss is still incredibly fresh, emotions are likely all over the map.

Adamant627

Unfortunately there is really nothing anyone of us can say to help you two get thought this terrible time.  i can say that i am sorry to hear about your loss and our thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband.

All I can say is the day after my wife and I went though this I had to go back to work 5 1/2 hours away got back for the d&c then had to leave again.  Working 16 hour shift in a jail I had a lot of time to think and luckily had some friends down there at work that kept an extra eye on me and kept me out of trouble.

Time heals all wounds and just be there the best you can for him.  He will talk when he's ready to talk. 

23marcus

First off, i want to say how sorry I am to hear about your loss.  I'm a father that has experienced this high and low with my wife and What I have to say is that, you will get thru this together.  Just let him grieve in the way he prefers to grieve. My wife and I decided to grieve together and it truly helped us because we drew strength from one another and if it wasnt for my wife I know I wouldnt have been able to handle the situation the way I did, and been able to move on.

 My wife and I decided to do something together that we will always remember this moment and how we drew strength from one another.  We both have tattoos so we decided a lil pain for the pain we was going thru was perfect symbolism.  My wife has always turned to music as her comfort to deal with any type of pain.  So she chose the title to The Beatles song "Let it Be", and she got the words etched on her wrist, which basically follows her each and every day shall she be faced with a challenge or disappointment.  Grieve and then once you have grieved, Let it be.

 I decided to get a bible scripture on my ribs, and the scripture comes from when we went to church the Sunday after we lost our baby.  The verses come from 2 Corinthians v 3 & 4, and are as followed, "God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."

I know this is long but you to will get thru this.  Just be there for when he is ready to talk, and just let him know that you will always be there for him to comfort him.