Adoption Fundraisers

Wine O Mite

Recently, I've been invited to 3 adoption fundraiser events through FB for friends of friends (one was a friend of a friend of a friend).  Does anyone find this weird?  I completely understand wanting to donate to a close friend or family member, but why are people sending out mass FB invites??  

Am I just an a$$ even questioning this?  Should I feel bad that I'm not going or donating?

 

andyyougoonie

Are these all for the same person or different people?  I'm surprised you know that many people adopting, but not surprised you're being invited to the fundraisers.  It is incredibly expensive to adopt and a lot of the people that find themselves adopting have already been through expensive medical procedures while TTC.  I have one friend that was making mom & daughter aprons to help fund their adoption.  I think it's just like any fundraiser, help if you want to.  If you don't want to, don't help.

ETA: I should add that my friend eventually gave up on the aprons because she wasn't making nearly enough to cover the amount of time it took her to make the aprons.  She has since turned to hosting fundraisers in her loft and catering (she's a baker). 

quidditchcapn1120

I have been invited to several of these lately also.  I think it's a "trendy" thing right now.  I've never gone because I don't feel I'm good enough friends with the people who have invited me, and it would feel kind of invasive to me if I did go.  I understand the sentiment, and wish finances weren't such a barrier to adopting for families who would really like to do it.  But I don't really understand this event trend.  I had another friend who had a friend who was a photographer.  The fundraising was advertising the photographer's services, and for every photo session booked by mentioning the friend who was adopting, the family got a certain percentage of the proceeds to their adoption fund.  This seems more appropriate to me for a mass FB invite.

blush64

I wouldn't be upset at being invited. I also don't think it's wrong not to go or donate.

[Deleted User]

I side eye any kind of "give me money" party, regardless of what it's for.  If it was someone else's idea and threw it for them, it wouldn't be as weird, but...still kind of weird.  Maybe just because I've never heard of this before.

Wine O Mite

All different people and andyyougoonie, I don't know any of them.  They are not even people I've ever met before IRL or on the internet.  

I do understand that adoptions are expensive, but I guess I just find it weird that for such a personal life event, people are mass inviting through FB and just including everyone on their friend's list.

Maybe it's because it's the new popular thing to do and I'm just starting to notice it now.

 

 

Wine O Mite

mbenit4:

One of my coworkers and wife were selling t-shirts to raise money to adopt an infant from Ethiopia. I didn't mind. The t-shirt was cute.

 

But you actually know these people and that makes sense to me.

I have never met the people that these events are for.  Just friends of other friends.

I'm not even that bothered by it, I just thought it was odd and wanted to hear what other people thought about it.  

 

MoonlitPlumeria

BostonKisses2:

Wine O Mite:

All different people and andyyougoonie, I don't know any of them.  They are not even people I've ever met before IRL or on the internet.  

I do understand that adoptions are expensive, but I guess I just find it weird that for such a personal life event, people are mass inviting through FB and just including everyone on their friend's list.

Maybe it's because it's the new popular thing to do and I'm just starting to notice it now.

The bolded is what I think is a bit odd, but it's also striking me as one of those "to each his/her own" type of thing.  The fundraising overall isn't weird to me, but personally I'd like to know the person/couple I was donating to for something like this. 

I agree with BK. 

klondikebar

I've never heard of an adoption fundraiser before. I think it's strange ask a large group of acquaintances for money over the intenet for any purpose. I wouldn't be opposed to purchasing something or giving money to a close friend or family member though.

NerdyMama2

I wouldn't feel bad about not going or donating. I'd only go if they were my close friends.

Wine O Mite

fredalina:

But I hardly think it's a "trend"; pretty sure no one is adopting so they can have cool parties.

I don't think anyone means it's a trend like you described, because that would be ridiculous.

klondikebar

Scout2005:

fredalina:

The ones I've seen have all been at a place like Chik Fil A (yeah yeah, before the kerduffle) that gives a percentage of the proceeds to the "charity" or lets them wait the tables for a night and keep the tips (I think Pizza Hut does that sometimes). And there's often a donations box or other things for sale. I don't see it as a big deal since it's kind of a place people might go anyway. I have seen similar things for other nonprofit ventures like dog rescues or an inclusive preschool. But I hardly think it's a "trend"; pretty sure no one is adopting so they can have cool parties.

I think you are confusing her use of "trend" with the concept of "trendy."

 

I agree. I don't think anyone was implying "trendy."

example: The school systems in our area used to sell candy to raise money. Now the trend is to have a walk-a-thon with sponsors for a fundraiser.

Wufroggy79

I find mass FB invites tacky as can be, especially if you don't even know them well.  I wouldn't go or send a gift.  I don't see any problem with having a baby shower for the adopted child or family, but the fundraising part seems a little off for me.  Things in life are expensive.  I would like a new car and a better house, though I don't ask people I know to donate money towards those causes. This is probably majorly insensitive, but just speaking my feelings.

Littlejen22

andyyougoonie:

Are these all for the same person or different people?nbsp; I'm surprised you know that many people adopting, but not surprised you're being invited to the fundraisers.nbsp; It is incredibly expensive to adopt and a lot of the people that find themselves adopting have already been through expensive medical procedures while TTC.nbsp; I have one friend that was making mom amp; daughter aprons to help fund their adoption.nbsp; I think it's just like any fundraiser, help if you want to.nbsp; If you don't want to, don't help.ETA: I should add that my friend eventually gave up on the aprons because she wasn't making nearly enough to cover the amount of time it took her to make the aprons.nbsp; She has since turned to hosting fundraisers in her loft and catering she's a baker.nbsp;

Let me start by saying I am adopted and love my family very much.

What was written above annoys the crap out of me, people putting all their money tryin to have a "child of their own" and then they run out of options and the decide to adopt and could have had the money and now do not. I really wish more people would turn to adoption as a choice instead of last resort.

quidditchcapn1120

I think people are mistaking my use of the word "trendy".  The word was used to describe the fundraising methods, not the actual adopting of a child.  There is a HUGE difference.  Also, just because it is a popular new way of raising money (i.e. trendy) does not mean it is bad.  It's just something the general public is not yet familiar with.

CoffeeBeen

fredalina:

Also, switching to a different post, having a family is not like an expensive car or a nicer house. That IS insensitive. You can think it's tacky to do a fundraiser but you really shouldn't compare a child/family with material possessions.

ITA.  Even though I think it's a bit tacky to invite strangers to an adoption fundraiser, I do not put it in the same category as spam invitations for trivial fundraisers.  If I'm going to be invited to a stranger's fundraiser, family is one of the most legitimate reasons I can think of. 

FezzesAreCool

I think it's weird. 

Really really weird.

This is going to sound bootstrappy, but why do they need fundraisers? Can't they just save their money for the adoption?

Why do they need a kid rightfuckingnow? 

I don't get it. 

andyyougoonie

Wine O Mite:

All different people and andyyougoonie, I don't know any of them.  They are not even people I've ever met before IRL or on the internet.  

I do understand that adoptions are expensive, but I guess I just find it weird that for such a personal life event, people are mass inviting through FB and just including everyone on their friend's list.

Maybe it's because it's the new popular thing to do and I'm just starting to notice it now.

Yeah, that is a little strange.  I guess they're just trying to invite as many people as possible?  I mean, what's the harm in inviting, you know?  Maybe you're party people and you just want to go to socialize.  Or maybe you're new to the area and want to meet people.  People go to those things for all different reasons.

I don't think it's strange that they're doing a fundraiser though.  How else are normal people supposed to raise that much money?

I personally wouldn't go.  Especially for people I don't even know.  But I'm not much of a party person anyway.  If they were close friends of mine, I would probably donate in some way.

andyyougoonie

Littlejen22:

andyyougoonie:

Are these all for the same person or different people?nbsp; I'm surprised you know that many people adopting, but not surprised you're being invited to the fundraisers.nbsp; It is incredibly expensive to adopt and a lot of the people that find themselves adopting have already been through expensive medical procedures while TTC.nbsp; I have one friend that was making mom amp; daughter aprons to help fund their adoption.nbsp; I think it's just like any fundraiser, help if you want to.nbsp; If you don't want to, don't help.

ETA: I should add that my friend eventually gave up on the aprons because she wasn't making nearly enough to cover the amount of time it took her to make the aprons.nbsp; She has since turned to hosting fundraisers in her loft and catering she's a baker.nbsp;

Let me start by saying I am adopted and love my family very much. What was written above annoys the crap out of me, people putting all their money tryin to have a "child of their own" and then they run out of options and the decide to adopt and could have had the money and now do not. I really wish more people would turn to adoption as a choice instead of last resort.

WTF dude.  I get that you're adopted so this is a sensitive topic for you, but you are totally putting words in my mouth.  I never said "child of their own" or that the only people adopting were people that had "run out of options".   I said that "a lot of the people that find themselves adopting have already been through expensive medical procedures while TTC" as a reason for why many people looking to adopt may have already depleted their savings account.

Many people do adopt because it is their first choice or how they planned their family.  And many of those people need help funding their adoptions, because again, they are expensive as hell.

Don't look for a reason to get your feelings hurt.  No one here is looking down on adoptions.

jorkz821

I agree with GM and car seat. I've never heard of this kind of fundraiser and I would be surprised to be invited to one, especially if I didn't know the people.

Can I ask a naive question though?

How much does adoption cost? I know it's expensive, but like in the 5000 range, or more like 30,000 or more? Does it depend where the child is from?
Sorry for my nosiness, I'm just curious.

andyyougoonie

jorkz821:

I agree with GM and car seat. I've never heard of this kind of fundraiser and I would be surprised to be invited to one, especially if I didn't know the people. Can I ask a naive question though? How much does adoption cost? I know it's expensive, but like in the 5000 range, or more like 30,000 or more? Does it depend where the child is from? Sorry for my nosiness, I'm just curious.

From what I've been told, it's in the $15-20k range.  I know there are a lot of factors that affect that though - like whether it's domestic or foreign and if foreign, what country.

quidditchcapn1120

jorkz821:

I agree with GM and car seat. I've never heard of this kind of fundraiser and I would be surprised to be invited to one, especially if I didn't know the people. Can I ask a naive question though?How much does adoption cost? I know it's expensive, but like in the 5000 range, or more like 30,000 or more? Does it depend where the child is from?Sorry for my nosiness, I'm just curious.

The "friends" I have who have invited me to their fundraisers had a goal of $25,000.  I assume that adoption costs including travel would approach this. 

shortstuff15

fredalina:

If you happen to know a woman considering adoption and you don't use an agency and you don't have to travel and you don't have to pay to put your profile on a website or advertise in some other way, it may cost 7,000 to 10,000. If you use an agency it can cost 15,000 at a sliding scale agency if you are at the bottom of the income scale up to 50,000 or more including foreign or domestic travel, birthmother expenses, medical costs for the birth if the birth.other doesn't have health insurance. Some of the expenses are not refundable or transferrable if your match fails and the expectant mom decides to parent. Plus with the variability of travel, birthmom expenses, legal fees for tricky situations like if there are multiple possible birth fathers or the birth father doesn't want to parent but doesn't want to sign the papers, etc, you may not have a good idea of the final cost until after it's all over with. The fundraisers I've seen are people with other children called to adopt from a religious standpoint. One adopted a baby with Down Syndrome from Russia which tends to be the most expensive country, and another adopted three sisters from Ethiopia. Ethiopia isn't a super expensive country, probably 20,000 to 25,000 now that they've raised the travel requirements to multiple visits, and many of those costs would now be tripled, except travel costs of course.

Thank you for this.  I had read this thread last night but was watching a movie at the time so I didn't want to formulate a reply then.

We are a couple who, as you see in my siggy, are planning on adopting.  This isn't necessarily because of a religious viewpoint, although that does play into it, but because it has been a desire of ours from even before we got married.  When I was young I always figured I would adopt at some point regardless of whether I could have kids on my own or not.  We do know it is expensive and so while we are just at the very beginning stages of this process and haven't actually put out any money yet, we will likely so some sort of fundraising at some point.  We will likely be adopting from either Haiti or Ethiopia (or both countries) so niether country is on the overly expensive side (about $25,000 for Haiti and probably closer to $30,000 for Ethiopia) but we will still be accepting all the help we can get regardless. 

Now I wouldn't necessarily go inviting people I don't know, but I wouldn't make an event on FB a private one so that means that some people may actually forward or invite other people to that event too and I wouldn't know them, but I'm not the one actually inviting them.

morayme1

I would not donate money to help someone buy a child, just as i would not expect anyone to donate money to me to buy a boat.

A child is a want.

delg23

Strange I never heard of this. Its not a fundraiser to help families adopt in general? Its for a specific family? 

insertclevername

I have no problem with people having adoption fundraisers.  When DH and I thought we would be adopting, the cost for the potential adoption was estimated to be between $25,000-$40,000 when all was said and done. 

If my friends invited me to one, I would most likely attend and donate.  If it was only an aquaintance I probably wouldn't go but would check out their blog if they had one and potentially make a donation. 

racegrrl714

overture:

I side eye any kind of "give me money" party, regardless of what it's for.  If it was someone else's idea and threw it for them, it wouldn't be as weird, but...still kind of weird.  Maybe just because I've never heard of this before.

I agree. I also see it like GhostMonkey, right on par with asking for money for fertility treatments. which is just weird to me.

I hate it that anyone has to have a fundraiser just to be able to adopt, when there are so many kids out there that need to be adopted. It really should be much cheaper to adopt than to do IVF, and sometimes, that's just not the case.(I'm not knocking anyone who has done IVF)

hmp1

NerdyMama2:

I wouldn't feel bad about not going or donating. I'd only go if they were my close friends.

This. My church did do a fundraiser for a couple of families trying to adopt but it was a kid's carnival that was really fun for DS. So even though we didn't personally know the families, we paid to go just to get DS out of the house. If the invite wasn't for something I wanted to attend anyway, I wouldn't feel bad about not going.

MissNikki007

car seat:

GhostMonkey:

I see it no different than asking for donations for fertility treatments. Which is tacky as hell.

What, you mean you wouldn't auction off your potential future baby's middle name on ebay in exchange for IVF funding?

lolol, throwback!

Wine O Mite

morayme1:

I would not donate money to help someone buy a child, just as i would not expect anyone to donate money to me to buy a boat.

A child is a want.

In case someone isn't aware....

This is the troll formally known as Annaruiz, annaruiz2, annaruiz3.

 

 

morayme1

twatley:

morayme1:

I would not donate money to help someone buy a child, just as i would not expect anyone to donate money to me to buy a boat.

A child is a want.

Maybe to you, but my child is much more than a want to me. 

If I lost my child, it would hurt a hell of a lot more than losing my favorite pair of shoes. Losing my child would damn near kill me. 

So, while your children might be the same as a boat, my child is most definitely a need.

Losing a child is not the same as one that never exists.

morayme1

Wine O Mite:

morayme1:

I would not donate money to help someone buy a child, just as i would not expect anyone to donate money to me to buy a boat.

A child is a want.

In case someone isn't aware....

This is the troll formally known as Annaruiz, annaruiz2, annaruiz3.

 

 

Uh, not something I have tried to hide dipsh1t. And Im not a troll.

morayme1

twatley:

morayme1:

Losing a child is not the same as one that never exists.

People can and do mourn the loss of knowing that they will not become parents. I'm sorry, but you're just wrong. It's easy for you to think that children are "just wants" when you're able to conceive.

I know that empathy isn't your strong point, but really, your argument is just as invalid as it is insensitive. 

Im sorry but I disagree. Sometimes not having a child is a part of life, you grieve it and you get on with things. You don't beg for money to help you get one.

morayme1

fredalina:

I hate to feed the troll, but adoption is not buying a baby.

Yes, it is. You pay money, you get a child.

morayme1

twatley:

morayme1:

fredalina:

I hate to feed the troll, but adoption is not buying a baby.

Yes, it is. You pay money, you get a child.

I paid my doctors to deliver my kid. Does that mean I bought my baby, too?

No, you could have done that on your own.

morayme1

twatley:

morayme1:

twatley:

morayme1:

fredalina:

I hate to feed the troll, but adoption is not buying a baby.

Yes, it is. You pay money, you get a child.

I paid my doctors to deliver my kid. Does that mean I bought my baby, too?

No, you could have done that on your own.

Oh. So I should just skip the $15,000 bill this time and get pregnant with no prenatal care and deliver the baby myself? 

Why didn't I think of this before?

You could. Having medical care is a choice, it's a good choice, but you could quite possible get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby all by yourself. It has been done before. :rolls eyes:

morayme1

twatley:

morayme1:

You could. Having medical care is a choice, it's a good choice, but you could quite possible get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby all by yourself. It has been done before. :rolls eyes:

You're right. I should just do it. 

Quick question, though. Which is more risky, pregnancy with no prenatal care and delivering at home all by yourself OR formula feeding?

I don't know, I wouldn't do with one of those things.

andyyougoonie

morayme1:

twatley:

morayme1:

You could. Having medical care is a choice, it's a good choice, but you could quite possible get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby all by yourself. It has been done before. :rolls eyes:

You're right. I should just do it. 

Quick question, though. Which is more risky, pregnancy with no prenatal care and delivering at home all by yourself OR formula feeding?

I don't know, I wouldn't do with one of those things.

So then you did pay whatever it cost to get prenatal care and deliver in a hospital or birthing center with a doctor or MW present?

I guess you bought your baby too.

LuckyDad

Eh. I find a FB invite to be the easiest to simply ignore.

morayme1

andyyougoonie:

morayme1:

twatley:

morayme1:

You could. Having medical care is a choice, it's a good choice, but you could quite possible get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby all by yourself. It has been done before. :rolls eyes:

You're right. I should just do it. 

Quick question, though. Which is more risky, pregnancy with no prenatal care and delivering at home all by yourself OR formula feeding?

I don't know, I wouldn't do with one of those things.

So then you did pay whatever it cost to get prenatal care and deliver in a hospital or birthing center with a doctor or MW present?

I guess you bought your baby too.

No, I created my baby by fu3king. I paid a professional to help me safely get it out of my body. I bought medical care, not a baby.

And I bought that medical care myself without begging for charity on facebook.

morayme1

twatley:

Remember when arruiz had chlamydia? 
That was hysterical.

Remember when you wanted a government funded baby? Equally laughable and equally gross.