How to tell..

JulyMomma2U2

I'm unsure weather I'm bordering on PPD or if this is just natural "sadness" due to LO being such a difficult baby..

DS is extremely colicky.. he has terrible reflux.. has had awful digestive issues (though, we've finally found something that seems to help those), etc.

He spends such a large portion of his "awake" time crying.. it's so difficult.  For the longest time, he was crying because he was clearly uncomfortable.. but, this past week that we've had him on special formula and increased his reflux stuff, he's been much better.. but, still has bad days.  On the bad days, like earlier today, he cried for 3 hours straight.  Unconsolable.  Screaming.

On one hand, I feel like anyone who's going through this would be feeling like a failure.. but, I can't help but worry if this could be the starts of PPD.

You know.. the helpless/hopeless feelings.  Baby is screaming.. Mommy is sobbing.  The vicious cycle where baby starts screaming.. I can't stop it.. I get frustrated because baby won't stop screaming.. I have to walk away to control frustration (usually happens after an hour of non-stop screaming -- that's about when I can no longer keep my cool).. I walk away, baby screams more.. then I feel guilty.. guilty that I have to walk away in order to not let him sense my frustration.. then I'm sobbing.. sobbing trying to console the screaming baby.. baby eventually is calmed down, Mommy keeps sobbing.

Sigh.  Today was just a bad day with LO.. he was in an exceptionally foul mood.. but, I can't seem to shake it.  When he has good days, I'm okay.. but when he has these bad days, I fall to pieces.  I feel like a complete failure not being able to make him happy.. I feel like a failure because everyone around me keeps giving me "advice" on what I should and shouldn't be doing, but it's not working/helping, and so I get the "well, you just didn't do it long enough" comments.. ughhhh.  It's such a cycle, and I feel like I'm emotionally spiraling out of control.  

At what point is this no longer "normal" stress from handling a high needs baby and crossing into the PPD areas?

Oh, I should mention.. the stress and anxiety is so great at times that I'm having chest pains.. I had this happen once before, years ago, (chest pains), and saw a cardiologist and had testing done.. they didn't find anything wrong (other then pericarditis) and it eventually stopped.. now I'm having those same pains again, which is why I'm thinking maybe they are stress induced... 

imimahoney

Those pains sound like the start of an anxiety attack.

I would talk to your ob and maybe a therapist and get an rx for zoloft. Sounds like ppd to me and if its not treated now, it will likely get worse.

Good luck! 

emnoahmom

My first was a colicky baby and I'm pretty sure for the first three months of her life she just screamed. It was horrible and I cried all the time. I understand the cycle because they do sense when you are upset. Do you have enough help? The only thing that got me through besides taking anxiety meds was being able to call my mom or DH's mom to take her for a while.

  I agree with pp that the chest pains sound like an anxiety attack coming on. I had one last week due to an immense amount of stress, it was terrifying and I wouldn't want that to ever happen if it were just me and my children at home with no one else around. I would talk to your doctor about what you are feeling.

  I hope that your little one get's past this stage soon and that you both can feel more relaxed to be able to enjoy this time. It's good that you can walk away to compose yourself. You always here this stories about mothers hurting their children because they wouldn't stop crying and I always think, "why didn't they call someone?"  Ppd is such a terrible thing to go through and made even more difficult by having a trying baby. Feel free to PM me. Sometimes it helps to know you are not alone when your baby is being especially difficult and just getting out your frustrations does wonders. Good luck:)