Hey, Oldies!!!

MrsBPO

Since some of you are still here and not elsewhere, I just wanted to share the news that GD1 has moved back in with us as of the first of the month. Her "meet the teacher" was Tuesday, first day of school was Wednesday, last night was our first PTA/ice cream social was last night and today concludes her first week of school.  Monday we have a meeting with CPS to have her permanently placed here and WE WILL BE ADOPTING HER TO MAKE IT PERMANENT! (At DD2's suggestion, not mine.  And DD2 told her before she moved here that it would be forever.)

After three years of watching and waiting and helping and suggesting and hoping and praying that things would work out, it looks like it is.

GD2 is staying with her mother at PH's house right now.  I think CPS is angling to have her place here but I'm not sure which way I want to swing on that one.  She's extremely attached to DD2 and would be devastated to not live with her (although she would love to live with GD1) and DD2 would go off the deep end, I think, if she was forcibly removed rather than it being her choice for a "temporary fix" while she gets her ducks in a row.

10-4LilBuddy

Hey there. That's great news. I've never been very active on the board but remember your story. How does she think it's temporary if you are adopting? Just curious.

MrsBPO

She has two daughters.  We raised the older one for five years and she had the second one to "show everybody she was capable of raising a child no matter what we or the courts thought!" (and also to fill the place left by having the older one placed with us among other reasons).  She had the younger one her entire life (she's six almost seven now).  Three years ago the older one moved in with her when we moved from the Midwest to the Northwest (DH got her a month before she was born and I got here a week after) so she could know her mother and sister; when the state didn't accept the transfer of guardianship she moved in with her mom.  It's been nothing but struggle since then and CPS has been involved for the last two or so years.  They were both placed with me last year for a time before they were returned to their mom (my DD2).

This summer has been a real struggle and GD1 has been very unhappy.  DD2 doesn't have a job, place to live that CPS would approve (she's now living with her dad since various friends don't pass CPS checks for a number of reasons).  DD2 has been feeling really pressured and unhappy and is trying to make a go of things while CPS is watching very, very closely to what she's doing.  So she sat down with the girls and proposed they move in with me for a short time (she wanted to come but DH is adamantly opposed and I'm just as much so for a number of reasons.)

She knows GD1 is a permanent situation.  It was her suggestion that we adopt or do third-party custody.  If we do custody she would have to pay child support but if we adopt there is no child support, so she wants us to adopt so she doesn't have to pay any support.  GD2 has been with her mom her whole life and doesn't want to leave her, even if she wants to live here with us and her sister (we're the FUN grandparents).

CPS on the other hand, has been making rumblings about removing GD2 again to get her medical treatment on track and give her a stable environment.  My worry is that DD2 would look at it as forcible and "us stealing her kid(s)" which is how she viewed it the first time we fought over returning GD1 to her in an unstable environment.

We would prefer that she see "maybe if GD2 stays with them I can go back to school, live by them and see them and do what I need to do to make the changes where I can successfully raise my child."  HER choice, not that of CPS or someone else.  And she can get her back since it would be a temporary thing while she gets her head where it needs to be.  Problem is, that's what the first time, with GD1, was supposed to be and it was five years and court battles and us "stealing" her rather than it being her choice, and CPS taking GD2 and placing her with us against DD2's wishes would replicate that and put DD2 into a tailspin rather than "fix-it" mode.

 

hopanka

Hi! I do remember your story, especially when the girls were with you and it was very uncertain what would happen next. I'm glad things are looking up and you are closer to some real, final decisions. Hopefully, your DD realizes that both girls are better off with you right now, and it will give her a chance to get her life in order. If you don't mind me asking, why is she struggling so much to raise her children on her own?

Ilumine

 

 

Yeah and huge prayers for a good outcome to the rest.