Adoption and school: here we go

Dr.Loretta

I had read so much about handling adoption in a school-aged child, and I finally got to put it into action. DD starts preschool next week, and I wrote them a note for her file. I told them she joined our family through adoption, she probably won't talk about it much for now (she's 2.5), but if it comes up, she really was adopted and isn't just talking smack

I was pleasantly suprised that the director didn't say anything one way or another. No "Oh you're so wonderful to adopt" or being negative about it. Yay.

DaisyZH

That's really nice, I'm glad the director was so cool about it.  That's very exciting that she's starting pre-school, I love back to school time

ctbride08

You know what, it never even occured to me to mention that (my daughter started preschool this year as well)...

then again, we are 2 white moms to 3 black children so i'm sure the teacher has drawn her own conclusions!

Rachel Sonnier

That is great! I am so glad that it went well. I am sure her teachers appreciate knowing, even though they might never need to use that information. 

I'm sure that some parents don't think to mention it, but as a former teacher, I strongly urge AP's to please talk to their child's teacher about their adoption. I know its probably not a big deal in preschool, and I know that there are reasons that some parents choose not to disclose that info, but giving a little FYI at the beginning of each year, is much better than having the teacher blindsided when things come up that she doesn't know how to handle.

The first year I taught 5th grade, I had an adopted student that I didn't know about. The day we did a punnett square activity my student seemed upset, and said she didn't know her parents eye colors. I didn't perceive it as a being big deal, so I just told her to guess, and I moved on. There were 2 or 3 other kids who had said the same thing, but it was just an activity sheet to introduce the concept. I guess I should have realized something was wrong when I saw she was worried about it, but I didn't really think anything of it.

When I came back to her, she was CRYING uncontrollably, with her head on her desk and I had no idea why. I took her out into the hall, where she told me that she had been adopted as an infant, and that it bothered her that she didn't know who she looked like, etc. I felt horrible!!! Completely horrible. I could have handled that MUCH better and more compassionately, even with my limited adoption knowledge, had I known what her situation was. Even after that, her mom never sent a note, or mentioned anything about it. I don't know if she didn't tell her mom and dad what had happened in class, or if the parents just didn't want to discuss it, but that really stayed with me. 

Sorry that comment turned out to be so long and PSA like!! But please parents, unless there is a good reason not to disclose, tell your kid's teaches. They spend a lot of time with your child and things eventually come up.  

francophonia

I'm glad you had a good experience! I find the best places don't make a big deal out of it. Our preschool is a wonderful co-op, and none of the staff have ever asked me questions about my family. We're a lesbian couple with two children- DS we conceived with sperm from a close friend and the DD we adopted a child of a different race than us. People don't often ask about DD because it's pretty clear she's adopted, but DS people are more comfortable asking about (is he adopted? Did you do IVF? Did you get a sperm donor?). Our preschool has never made a big deal about our family unit, and I love it. Making a big deal about it one way or the other makes it feel like our family is a novelty, like some curiosity in an exhibit. Not making a big deal recognizes that our family is just as normal and valid as the next.