Foster Parents- Dealing with "The System"

elissaann26

I'm having a really hard time dealing with "the system".  You know the mess of social workers that are supposed to have the best interest of the foster children at heart?  There are a select few who are trying to make things right.  But there are others who are breaking policy, violating the court order, and now breaking the law.  I am livid to say the least.

I am a vent-er by nature and it drives me batty to not be able to discuss the details of the craziness here or on my blog or with my friends or with my family.  It is just hard to process it all and even try to come to terms with things that are continually seeming to go wrong.  I try to vent through blogging, but vaguely venting can be frustrating since I would love nothing more than to give my readers a true and accurate picture of what fostering is really like.  Instead I feel like I'm just saying- this is frustrating and it wasn't what we expected.

Am I the only one that struggles with this?  How do you keep your sanity during the craziness of foster parenting?  If you blog, do you struggle with how to keep your blog real without compromising the details of the case?

Foster1Mom

Have you thought about making a private blog entry just to let it all out. That way you get it out but you do not compromise the case? I feel so bad you are going through this. I am a vent-er too. I totally understand where you are coming from on that.

Hang in there. Things will get better !

DaisyZH

Ugh, that is so frustrating.  I've read your blog, I think you do a great job talking about what you can and it's absolutely helpful in giving a little bit of insight into foster parenting.  I'm sorry, I'm a vent-er too so that would be so hard.  I like the suggestion of a therapist or counselor, no worries about confidentiality that way.

elissaann26

Thanks so much for the suggestions, letting me know that I'm not alone and hope that it will get better.  I'm not really sure that it will, which is the hardest part.  There are some pretty egregious errors being made, which makes it hard to keep hope.  Ugh- so annoying!

I have been seeing a therapist, who is fabulous.  She really does help me process the craziness.  I strongly recommend a therapist for any foster parent since it is such a crazy ride.

I did send out a few emails expressing our concerns tonight (again), so at least I feel like I am doing something to try to right the situation.  Hopefully, we'll see if that changes anything.

ctbride08

Are there any support systems for foster parents in your area? Support groups? Get togethers, ect?

I found it really helpful to make friends with other foster parents because they were really the only ones that I could go to and vent everything - because they understood completely (and often had the same experience with a lot of the same caseworkers!).

Sadly, its proably not going to change.  This is a terribly difficult thing about fostering and the #1 reason so many foster parents stop fostering after their first couple placements.  But, there are good SWs out there - when you find one, cling onto him/her! Also relish in the fact that you are being part of the change...two little boys are having a far more positive foster experience than they could have because of YOU.  Every child matters and two less is HUGE!!

The other thing that comes to mind, having made it out to the other side, and just waiting for the right time to hop aboard the crazy train again, is the sense of pride I have taken away from it all.  I kinda feel like a badass knowing that I can survive and stand up to the shizz that goes down.  Its like the ultimate powerful mama bear feeling

 hang in there!!!

F2AMom

Hi Elissa- I'm a brand-newbie, but after finding The Bump and reading some of the Adoption board, I had to join. First - NO! You aren't the only one who struggles with it. We have fostered only twice and both times I had struggles. The first was much worse, with a merry-go-round of case workers, mistakes and lots of people who really didn't seem to have the best interests of the child in mind. Now, we are adoption motivated (adopted our second foster child!), so maybe we are taking it way too personally... But don't feel like you are alone. Venting to friends helped me some, but it's hard because you can't or don't want to go into all the details. Plus, I felt bad whining to them about something they don't know much about! I find a relatively anonymous place like this a good one to be able to destress. I know The Knot helped me when I got married - I just wish I had found The Bump sooner! Good luck and try to keep the positives in mind!!!

JennaNAaron

We're right there with you.  And we foster in the same county as you   We've had a whirlwind of a week.  I never thought I would spend so much time reminding people of the age of these children and deliberating about who actually has the best interest of them at heart.  I know social workers are overworked.  I use to be a CPS worker in another state and it was the WORST job ever.  It definitely doesn't excuse what happened in our case this week.  It sucks, and we talked with the baby's baby sitter who is another foster parent (she's been foster 20+ years) and she says it doesn't get any better.