Am I being an allergy mom mess?

SallyJean95

Last night we went to DS's preschool orientation.  He starts next week.  Because of his late birthday he has an extra year of preschool.  We debated sending him because of his allergy but found a great private preschool that seemed like they handled allergies well.

So at the orientation the director goes on and on about peanut free and labels.  They provide the snack but were giving instructions on sending birthday treats.  She said that if it is not safe it will be sent back, all packaged food must have a label.  But she said nothing about homemade items.  So we waited until after and asked a teacher.  She really didn't know as this was her first year but assumed homemade was allowed and that kids usually know what they can and can't eat.  ok, so we talked to the experienced teacher.  She said that homemade is allowed. 

I was floored.  How can you say a homemade treat with no package associated and no kitchen cross contamination safety measures is safe?????  So the teacher said that we could make our class no homemade and treats from a store have to have a label.  She was going to talk to the director about it.  She said they've done it in the past. 

But the comment about a 3 year old knowing what they can and cannot eat? Is this realistic?  If my kid is sitting in a class of 15 other kids and they are eating a cupcake he is not going to say no or ask the teacher if it is safe.  We've been teaching him to ask first and that he can't have this or that because of his allergy and it makes him sick but he is no where near doing this by himself. 

Am I overreacting?  He has been in a parent tot class last year and that was a nightmare with the homemade treats but we were there to intervene.  Several times he ended up alone eating his safe snack in the office with us with him crying hysterically. 

 

ZacksBride

i personally think you are overreacting.  ds has allergies (hives) to milk, eggs, peanuts and pretty much all tree nuts - so i get your concern.  however, imo, you are never going to be able to control completely what other people are doing.  to expect parents of children without allergies to NEVER bring in treats for birthdays etc to a classroom is unrealistic.  you will be dealing with this for the rest of his childhood life in grade school, etc.  he cant be expected to know what he can and cannot eat at his age, that is a little unrealistic of them as well. 

ds is in a daycare. they have signs up on the fridge/places where food is reminding teachers what our son is allergic to.  he is the only one with allergies in the classroom. they know that he is only allowed to eat food that we send in.  if another family brings in treats for the class, he unfortunately doesnt get that treat.  however, we have provided the teachers with a box of cookies that are safe for him and is kept in that classroom, so if someone brings in treats from home, our son just gets a different treat.  he is almost 3 and understands enough about the allergies to know that he can't eat everything others do, but as long as he has a substitute, he has never gotten upset. 

 

maddie789

We have been very adament with our daycare provider that DS is to never get homemade treats at daycare. Obviously I cannot dictate what other parents bring in, and while they are a "peanut-free" daycare facility, there are still those risks with homemade items.

When there are times a homemade treat is being brought in, I will provide my own treat for DS. Cupcakes were being brought in once, so I made safe cupcakes at home and brought one to daycare for DS to eat. While he is still young, so far that has worked out for us.

funchicken

My DD's nut allergy is severe, and we just had to use the EpiPen for the first time a few weeks ago, so I think your concern is justified.  I would just make it clear that your DS is not allowed to have any homemade treats, and if someone brings something in that's store-bought you need to check the label before he can have it.  My DD's teachers give us a calendar at the beginning of each month with the kids' birthdays listed, and I bring a special cupcake for DD on those days.  I also leave a big pack of mini-oreos at school in case I miss a treat day.

I usually make DD's cupcake look really special, so she doesn't get upset about not having what the other kids are having.  She also remembers both of her ER trips, so she's as careful as a four year old knows how to be with this stuff.  

ababymaybe

Personally, I would just say that he can only have food you provide. Period. Label or no label, homemade or not. Even "safe" items can change so you have to be careful to read the label EVERY time. I wouldn't trust someone else to know/do that.

I would just provide all snacks and treats. They don't have to match-- it's actually probably better if they aren't identical to prevent confusion. But if they're having crackers, have a box of crackers for him. etc.

It might seem OTT to some but I have to know everything DS is eating, it's just too big of a risk.

Lil Kate

I told DS's preschool he is not allowed to eat any homemade treats from any home (even if they say it is safe) NO EXCEPTIONS.  DS is allergic to eggs and peanuts.  I looked at all the snacks the kids will have and they are all safe on regular days but it is the birthday parties that worry me.  They said they will give me enough warning to bring a comparable treat for DS or they will have frozen treats ready to defrost for him that I prepared.  They did say they would try and avoid treats that he is allergic to that are messy...no cupcakes scince the icing and crumbs get all over.  I don't think it is a big deal for them, tomake some exceptions for the classroom if there is a highly allergic child. My LO is only 2 and has no clue what is safe to eat or not. I don't think you are overreacting...that was a bizzare statement that most kids know what they can and can't eat...I would question that teacher's ability to manage my child's food allergy.  GL

luvmagoldn

I agree that the message is inconsistent. I would not be ok with homemade treats being allowed in the classroom. I crossed many schools off my list because of that. I would talk to the director about reviewing the policy school wide. Having a no homemade treat "policy" only apply to certain classrooms is an excellent way to create tension between allergy and non-allergy parents.

blue33

Okay, maybe it is just where we live, but no one is ever allowed to bring homemade anything into our daycare to serve to children. If a parent wishes to bring in cupcakes, snacks or the like for a birthday, etc., it MUST be store brought, labeled, and sealed, and the parents of the classroom are asked if their child can have a cupcake when they drop off their child. I ALWAYS SAY NO. Now, my son is not the only one that can't have certain treats. Usually, I will send a safe treat for him to have if I know the day before, or if not, the daycare teacher will take the kids who can't have the treat to see a video and enjoy a safe treat that they can have. My son loves icees. So, he usually doesn't mind watching elmo and getting to eat an icee in another room. Do I think it is ridiculous to expect a 3 year old to turn down a cupcake because they are allergic, absolutely, and they should not have to make that choice. The adults at the school, ie the administrators and teachers should make sure that your child remains safe and follow allergy care plans. As a part of my son's orders and my directives, he is not to have ANY CAKES, PIES, COOKIES, SNACK, FOOD, BEVERAGE, or LOTIONS OR CREAMS that I did not pre-approve for him to have.

Bride-hilda

You're not overreacting. I'm betting that these allergies are more sever than just hives, and even then, hives aren't fun.

I'd find a preschool that didn't allow homemade treats, period.

My nephew has sever nut allergies, and it has been a battle for his parents his entire life. Once I was out with his dad and him, and his dad pointed out an almond that had gone on walkabout. This almond, should it be consumed, could kill my nephew. So yeah, I'd find a preschool that didn't allow homemade treats.