Anyone else get incredibly annoyed at times? Super long

CFjo2010

The past few weeks whenever K is here, her sass and backtalk have been more extreme.  She's only 6, but at times I swear she acts like she's 15.  To hear her tell it, every rule at our house is "stupid" and we're all "buttheads".  Yes, the 6 year old has decided that it's perfectly acceptable to call people, including adults, butthead".  She's reprimanded and loses privileges each time she says, butthead, but her justification is always, "Mommy lets me say it".  My husband has tried discussing this with BM to no avail.  She sees nothing wrong with letting her daughter call people butthead.

When I pick the girls up from school she immediately asks to play the Wii or Kinect.  And every time she asks I remind her that we don't play video games or watch TV during the week, only on weekends.  All 3 kids have homework, and that's the priority here.  Her response every time is, "Well when I'm with my mom I can play video games whenever I want."  I remind her of the rule here and leave it at that, even though I really want to say, "Well maybe if your mom's family cared more about academics they wouldn't all still be living at home and unemployed at the ages of 22-30".   Since I won't let her play video games or watch TV she complains she's bored.  I tell her to read and she tells me, "Mommy doesn't make me read".  Seriously, good for Mommy.  My actual response is usually, "Well we have different rules here".  Fast food?  We don't eat it here.  K however, eats fast food with BM twice a day (breakfast and lunch or dinner).  She is always asking for McDonalds, Sonic, Burger King, etc., and the answer is always "no".  We remind her that we prefer to cook our meals at home and only on Saturdays (or special occasions) do we go out to eat.  Well, apparently that means our food "sucks" and K is quick to tell us that.

Earlier I was responding to a work-related email and K is standing behind me reading over my shoulder.  I told her that reading over someone's shoulder is rude and she says, "So?  I like doing it".  Same thing with my and my husband's texts.  She has actually started going through our phones and reading our texts. We have since locked our phones and she doesn't have the password (which she now complains about), but I'm shocked by her brazenness.  She never used to behave this way, and it's becoming increasingly annoying.  Even the 13 and 9 year old kids don't pull this.  I'm generally more patient with K then I am with my kids, but lately I feel my patience wearing thin.

I know kids go through phases, and I'm not really looking for advice per se.  I guess I just needed to vent a bit.

Holly_1007

vent away lady, that's outrageous behavior (although I'm impressed she can read that well/ efficiently at 6)

stick to your guns, you're not doing her ANY favors by letting her sit in front of the tv or eat fast food twice a day, some day she will thank you, so there IS a silver lining, its just REALLY far away...

CFjo2010

Seriously, I don't even want her to "thank" me later on.  I just want the "Well my Mom..." to stop.  Or at least just take a break from it.  It's getting harder and harder to bite my tongue when K makes these statements. I don't like feeling frustrated with her, because I know she's only 6.  But for Pete's sake kid, give us a little credit as well.

bdbelladonna

I can't imagine dealing with this. all you can do is be consistent and if you need a few minutes to calm down when K is there take them. It's very hard and tiring when kids challenge your every rule because its not that way *insert other parent or grandparent*

CFjo2010

The rule challenging had obviously been going on forever. But lately it's her tone when she does it. Especially with the reading our texts. It's snarky and borderline defiant. I really hope it's just a phase. Because if she's acting like an adolescent at the age of 6, one of us isn't going to make it through puberty when it finally sets in.

Holly_1007

jobalchak:

Seriously, I don't even want her to "thank" me later on.  I just want the "Well my Mom..." to stop.  Or at least just take a break from it.  It's getting harder and harder to bite my tongue when K makes these statements. I don't like feeling frustrated with her, because I know she's only 6.  But for Pete's sake kid, give us a little credit as well.

maybe DH needs to have a talk with her?? I would be nervous to tell her that she needs to stop talking about BM at your house, but she needs to stop with the comparisons.  the rules are different, she knows the rules, she is clearly just trying to push your buttons.  how frustrating! 

bdbelladonna

holly71087:

maybe DH needs to have a talk with her?? I would be nervous to tell her that she needs to stop talking about BM at your house, but she needs to stop with the comparisons.  the rules are different, she knows the rules, she is clearly just trying to push your buttons.  how frustrating! 

I'd share your frustration with him and ask that he speak with her or maybe everyone sit down and have a family discussion about the rules and unacceptable attitude. Hope she gets back on track soon.

kllrbnny

I want to strangle DS every. single. time he says "daddy lets me..." or similar and it rarely happens anymore. I can't imagine hearing it constantly like that. And I know exactly the tone of voice you're talking about.

I would think about instituting a behavior chart. She shouldn't be allowed to get away with this stuff and she's old enough to know that the different houses mean different rules and to be able to follow them. It isn't like she's only with you guys for the summer. She's also old enough to know the difference between telling you what mom lets her get away with and actually talking about stuff she does with mom.

You're a saint for maintaining this degree of patience. And not b/c she's the SC, but b/c that shiz is annoying.

TheBuddha

Come up with a response for when she says "at mommys" and use the same response, verbatim, every time she makes a comparison. Maybe she will tire of your response. Perhaps, "I'm sorry you're unhappy about it but this is not mommys house, this is our house" and if you say it monotone with zero emotion she will realize it doesn't bother you.

If she knows she is getting to you and there is no punishment for her behavior she will continue.

CFjo2010

My husband has talked to her and I've talked to her. Each time she's rude or "sassy" she's reprimanded. For the most part, I think we've been good about not taking it personally when K does this. We've really exhausted the "each house has different rules" speech, and it used to be enough. I think part of the attitude and back talk is due to BM treating K like an equal and taking her out with her friends, whereas my husband and I really try and treat the 6 year old like, well, a 6 year old. Not that we baby K, but we definitely don't allow her to call adults "buttheads" or let her decide what's going to be for dinner. Tonight at drop off my husband is going to talk with Gma ad see if K is behaving this way with her also. Unfortunately talking to BM doesn't do much good since she's already said she doesn't have a problem with it.

CFjo2010

piffle42:

DS has been full of attitude lately too and I'm definitely sick of it.nbsp; He got in trouble at school last week and mumbled something under his breath.nbsp; When his teach asked him what he said he replied" I'm not talking to you" in a snotty voice per the teacher.nbsp; We're just making sure to follow through on our punishments.nbsp; DS has definitely spent a lot of time in his room.nbsp; Reading has been the main activity or I made him take a nap recently too because I'm not about to allow him to do anything else.In terms of food could you maybe find ways she could help you cook?nbsp; It might help her be more interested in what you're eating.nbsp; Or help pick recipes too?

She used to like helping me cook and bake. But lately her attitude is essentially "if it's not fast food then it sucks". Each week the kids get to choose dinner. And each week her choice is some sort of fast food, ad when we tell her "no" she says she doesn't care what we do then. She's only 6!!!

Kaeldrasmommy

I know this was a vent, not really a request for ideas, but I would start turning it around on her. When she asks to play the wii or kinect ask her what she thinks the answer is. When you usually tell her that the rule is different at your house try asking her what the rule is at your house instead. If your food sucks, I would certainly remind her that she doesn't have to eat it. I also heard a good one for boredom the other day, to say that boredom doesn't exist, only a failure of imagination.

Please don't take this as harping on my brilliant ideas or anything, I'm just very familiar with this sort of attitude and some of these have worked really well for me. I wish you extra patience, the whole thing sounds infuriating.

TheBuddha

What's frustrating is that she doesn't realize how good she's got it!! A lot of kids would love if their parents cooked during the week instead of feeding them crappy fast food.

My SS really enjoys my cooking and after reading your story I have a new appreciation for him!

It sounds like you need to keep just doing what you're doing and in your head chant "this is only a phase this is only a phase"

BirdieGirl2011

I deal with the same kind of attitude... SD 7 yo going on 17...Only mine is much more passive aggressive in her tone. It's verrrrry frustrating to say the least. Venting is good. Get it out otherwise it builds.

fellesferie

99% of what gets DS (7) in trouble is his mouth. Last week, he sat down to do his homework, and I suggested to him that he get a pencil.

My child plucked a pencil out from underneath something on the table and said, "Mommy, maybe you should use your eyes!" I didn't know whether to laugh at the audacity or scream at him, lol.  

We count him to 3, and then he gets sent to his room or 15 sentences (whichever we think he'll hate more).  After 15 sentences it's 25, then 35, etc. I think we've only had to go to 25 once.

danac2010

SD is 7 and she has started this too.  "But at mommy's...".  I'm so sick of hearing what she does at mommy's.  Mommy only feeds the kid hot dogs straight from the fridge, fish sticks, or fast food.  We go to Sonic for a drink on the way to gymnastics each week ( I love their drinks and it's next door) and every time she ask for cheese sticks and I tell her no and she says "but mommy let's me get them for dinner.  They are my favorite."  NO.  Not eating cheese sticks for dinner.  I don't know what do to anymore either.  Like you I can only say "we have different rules" so many times and talking to her isn't working.  I also told DH last night that at this rate the teen years are going to be hell.  I'm sorry you are going through this but you aren't alone!

jkacera15

My 6 year old SD has attitude at times and its always immediately after picking them up from their mother. My DH and MIL both have told me the sass that SD shows at times is from her BM....they can see it showing through.

Just the other day I followed SD to her room and simply gave her a look and told her I'm sensing attitude and its going to stop right now or there will be consequences. She hasn't quite got to the name calling and things like you mentioned though. If she ever did I have a feeling DH would be giving a quick swat and somebody would be on their bed for a while though!

I just always hope, and DH says, as the kids grow they will know the difference of how to act as long as we stay on top of discipline. I think it is a hard situation though.

CFjo2010

Kaeldrasmommy:

I know this was a vent, not really a request for ideas, but I would start turning it around on her. When she asks to play the wii or kinect ask her what she thinks the answer is. When you usually tell her that the rule is different at your house try asking her what the rule is at your house instead. If your food sucks, I would certainly remind her that she doesn't have to eat it. I also heard a good one for boredom the other day, to say that boredom doesn't exist, only a failure of imagination.

I actually think I'm going to start doing the bolded.  Maybe after having to tell me the rules at our house a few times she'll get tired of repeating herself (as much as I'm tired of repeating the rules to her).  Hahaha as for the food, I actually did tell her last night at dinner, "If you don't want what we're having, then don't eat.  Wait until your mom gets you what you want."  My husband and the other 2 kids just stared at me, mouths hanging open.  To clarify, I didn't starve her.  I set a clean plate in front of her and she was more than welcome to serve herself dinner.  I just decided that I'm not going to beg and plead with her to eat.  After about 10 minutes she  put some food on her plate and pouted through dinner. 

I know it's not a contest, but: Mama Jo - 1, K -0.

kllrbnny

jobalchak:

I actually did tell her last night at dinner, "If you don't want what we're having, then don't eat.  Wait until your mom gets you what you want."  My husband and the other 2 kids just stared at me, mouths hanging open.  To clarify, I didn't starve her.  I set a clean plate in front of her and she was more than welcome to serve herself dinner.  I just decided that I'm not going to beg and plead with her to eat.  After about 10 minutes she  put some food on her plate and pouted through dinner. 

I have done this with both of my kids from a very young age. I have no interest in cooking different dinners for everybody. They eat what is put in front of them or they don't eat. Kids aren't going to starve themselves.

Kaeldrasmommy

jobalchak:

Kaeldrasmommy:

I know this was a vent, not really a request for ideas, but I would start turning it around on her. When she asks to play the wii or kinect ask her what she thinks the answer is. When you usually tell her that the rule is different at your house try asking her what the rule is at your house instead. If your food sucks, I would certainly remind her that she doesn't have to eat it. I also heard a good one for boredom the other day, to say that boredom doesn't exist, only a failure of imagination.

I actually think I'm going to start doing the bolded.  Maybe after having to tell me the rules at our house a few times she'll get tired of repeating herself (as much as I'm tired of repeating the rules to her).  Hahaha as for the food, I actually did tell her last night at dinner, "If you don't want what we're having, then don't eat.  Wait until your mom gets you what you want."  My husband and the other 2 kids just stared at me, mouths hanging open.  To clarify, I didn't starve her.  I set a clean plate in front of her and she was more than welcome to serve herself dinner.  I just decided that I'm not going to beg and plead with her to eat.  After about 10 minutes she  put some food on her plate and pouted through dinner. 

I know it's not a contest, but: Mama Jo - 1, K -0.

Lol. That's the idea. And of course, if she is the one who has to think about it it sinks in a little better.

No she's not going to starve. But you made it very clear that if she was hungry it was the result of her own decision. Since our older two are much older, when they have the dishes as a chore and don't do them and prevent me from cooking they usually do without a full dinner. They aren't going to starve from missing a meal, but it happens less and less that they waste time doing other things before they do their chores.

KTdidit

piffle42:

kllrbnny:

jobalchak:

I actually did tell her last night at dinner, "If you don't want what we're having, then don't eat.  Wait until your mom gets you what you want."  My husband and the other 2 kids just stared at me, mouths hanging open.  To clarify, I didn't starve her.  I set a clean plate in front of her and she was more than welcome to serve herself dinner.  I just decided that I'm not going to beg and plead with her to eat.  After about 10 minutes she  put some food on her plate and pouted through dinner.

I have done this with both of my kids from a very young age. I have no interest in cooking different dinners for everybody. They eat what is put in front of them or they don't eat. Kids aren't going to starve themselves.

 My parents never let the "everybody eats something different" thing fly either.  I can't imagine why people would do that.  You're just giving in and never making your kids try anything different.  Sure sometimes I ate stuff I didn't like, but I'm still here to talk about it.

DS's BF gives him lunchables and chicken nuggets every single day that he has DS (which fortunately is about 1 week a year at this point) because he claims DS won't eat anything else.  DS has never had a lunchable from me, so he would have never known what it was.  Chicken nuggets are pretty much his go-to if we go out to eat, but we also encourage him to try different foods (which he sometimes does).  We never make them at home.  At least DS knows that the crap BF lets him get away with would never fly at our house!

 

"Everyone eats something different" never happened when I was a kid either. Even now my DS is only just over 2 and I try not to make him anything other than what FH and I are eating. With some exceptions, of course, but there's not much my 2yr old won't at least try.

Jo-I think you are handling it great. I agree with making SD repeat to you the rules of your house, she will get sick of it real quick.

FieryNutMeg

First of all: *HUGS* i know it's tough.

Second, maybe I'm lucky (or maybe I'm scary), but I flat out told SS that I would not be spoken to in that manner, and he had better change his tone if he was going to speak to me. I was really no nonsense about it. We do week on/week off, and it's not an infrequent beginner of our week, but it usually sticks. DH thought I was being "harsh" the first time or two, but when he got a dose of sass, I think he thought again. She's 6 (ours is 7), and you're the adult, right? No way any kiddo talks to me that way. He sat on the steps (time out) once or twice as a result, but he's learning.

He does the same thing about reading over my shoulder too. Drives me crazy. My other pet peeve is when he tries to jump into a conversation between DH and myself and ask, "What ___?" when he's pretty clearly not being addressed. Sometimes it's not a big deal, but our big goal is to teach him to be polite - so "excuse me" is required at the very least when joining a conversations, and learning that all conversations do not involve him is also on the agenda.

"We have different rules here" does get old, doesn't it? Sometimes you just want to say, "We actually HAVE rules here, and you're expected to abide by them!"

Again, *HUGS*!

Whew! Sorry, i think i just hijacked your vent!

FieryNutMeg

Kaeldrasmommy:

I know this was a vent, not really a request for ideas, but I would start turning it around on her. When she asks to play the wii or kinect ask her what she thinks the answer is. When you usually tell her that the rule is different at your house try asking her what the rule is at your house instead. If your food sucks, I would certainly remind her that she doesn't have to eat it. I also heard a good one for boredom the other day, to say that boredom doesn't exist, only a failure of imagination.

Please don't take this as harping on my brilliant ideas or anything, I'm just very familiar with this sort of attitude and some of these have worked really well for me. I wish you extra patience, the whole thing sounds infuriating.

Ha! I've been known to tell our little guy (SS7) that only boring people get bored. My mom helped me create a "To Do Box" when I was his age that was full of strips of paper with activities written on them, and I keep thinking that might be a good idea...

FutureMrsWittig

jobalchak:

My husband has talked to her and I've talked to her. Each time she's rude or "sassy" she's reprimanded. For the most part, I think we've been good about not taking it personally when K does this. We've really exhausted the "each house has different rules" speech, and it used to be enough. I think part of the attitude and back talk is due to BM treating K like an equal and taking her out with her friends, whereas my husband and I really try and treat the 6 year old like, well, a 6 year old. Not that we baby K, but we definitely don't allow her to call adults "buttheads" or let her decide what's going to be for dinner. Tonight at drop off my husband is going to talk with Gma ad see if K is behaving this way with her also. Unfortunately talking to BM doesn't do much good since she's already said she doesn't have a problem with it.

"This is not Mommy's house."  "Mommy isn't here right now."  And in my experience nothing gets under a six year olds skin better than "whining" back at them in the same rude tone they're using.  Then when they complain you have the opportunity to say "Yes, that is annoying isn't it.  I don't like being talked to that way either."

As for the food thing, can you talk to K about what some of her favorite dishes are from these "restaraunts"?  Maybe you can look up recipes together to replicate them at home?  And let her pick a night when she will be at your house to have that for dinner.  Your other kids might enjoy this too?

riabiron

I may or may not have let it slip once that I really dont care what her mother does. The look on SD's face was priceless. she quit the "at my mommy's house" pretty fast.

CFjo2010

FutureMrsWittig:

jobalchak:

My husband has talked to her and I've talked to her. Each time she's rude or "sassy" she's reprimanded. For the most part, I think we've been good about not taking it personally when K does this. We've really exhausted the "each house has different rules" speech, and it used to be enough. I think part of the attitude and back talk is due to BM treating K like an equal and taking her out with her friends, whereas my husband and I really try and treat the 6 year old like, well, a 6 year old. Not that we baby K, but we definitely don't allow her to call adults "buttheads" or let her decide what's going to be for dinner. Tonight at drop off my husband is going to talk with Gma ad see if K is behaving this way with her also. Unfortunately talking to BM doesn't do much good since she's already said she doesn't have a problem with it.

"This is not Mommy's house."  "Mommy isn't here right now."  And in my experience nothing gets under a six year olds skin better than "whining" back at them in the same rude tone they're using.  Then when they complain you have the opportunity to say "Yes, that is annoying isn't it.  I don't like being talked to that way either."

As for the food thing, can you talk to K about what some of her favorite dishes are from these "restaraunts"?  Maybe you can look up recipes together to replicate them at home?  And let her pick a night when she will be at your house to have that for dinner.  Your other kids might enjoy this too?

Um, her favorite "dishes" are chicken nuggets, fries and quesadillas.  Stuff that isn't difficult to replicate, but isn't nutritious either.  The kids each get a day once a week to "pick out" dinner.  For right now K's night is being suspended until she starts eating what we make.  Maybe that's an extra harsh punishment for a 6-nearly-7 year old, but I'm done catering to her at this point.  If she wants to sit and pout during dinner, then so be it.  But I'm not going to reward her bad behavior.  This is all relatively recent, she used to eat whatever we put in front of her with no complaints.  But this past month she's been in rare form.

Again, I know this is all (hopefully) a phase and she'll eventually move on.  It's just extra annoying since she's always been the "easy" child.  Now she's the more difficult of the 3 kids and is back-talking more then the 13 year old and 9 year old combined.  I feel like K's about 3 more reprimands away from calling me the "evil SM".  I actually breathed a sigh of relief today when I realized she's not with us this weekend, and that makes me really sad.  I genuinely love when she's with us and the whole family unit just feels more complete.  But I feel like I need a break from the negativity.

lb1212

Oh my gosh!!!  I get the same thing! "But Mommy lets me" or "Mommy says it's ok"..... and I want to scream. "But I think your Mommy is wrong!" - SD thinks BM is the best thing since sliced bread, so I obviously refrain, but I do get lots of pleasure when my "rules" are reinforced by outside sources. Our latest battle involved what she was wearing to school. SD came home with a copy of the school's dress code on Friday. SD was very upset, "But Mommy said I could wear this" and we could say, "Well this letter from your school clearly states that you can't."

I agree with PP's about the whole, "what do you think the answer is?" as an alternative to "At our house, we...."