BM sent an email to DH...showing her feelings!! Kind of long...

jkacera15

DH sent BM an email last week stating he believes since the CO states they are co-parenting that she needs to remember that and discuss things with him concerning sports/activities/dr. appt's. She had just taken kids to a dental appt and almost ran into DH's time with them which wasn't a huge deal but we found it a lack of concern/attention to scheduling. So at that appt she apparently made another appointment for a procedure to be done on SD, during DH's time with the children. She did not tell him about it until a week later in an email and told him she will take SD to the appointment and he can get them later that night instead of normal scheduled time. Being tired of being told what to do he sent that email stating this isn't how things are supposed to be done. (sd had told us right after the first appt when we picked them up she had a new appt made already for something to be done to her teeth but at her age didn't know any details)

Fast forward to her email....She writes back nastily saying she has rescheduled it so it doesn't interfere with his schedule. (obviously he would be more than willing to take her to the dentist appointment but BM told him SHE would take her to the appt not him) Then she states she has never signed them up for things without asking him about it first. Thats a lie because many times it has happened and SD tells us...not even BM! Then she tells him that I am NOT a parent to the children and have no say in anything they do. First off...yes we know I did not give birth to them, but I am a stepmother who does a lot for them and we have them 45%-50% of the month. I don't make major decisions but my input is well appreciated by my DH and the kids and I have a very great loving relationship and they come to me with mostly everything as well as their parents. She tried stating DH and I decided SD would be playing soccer. When in reality one evening during a drop off, we spoke with BM after the children were in the car and explained that SD wanted to play and we had forms printed for a league and theres openings on a team with her classmates we found out about. She became flustered, almost angry we could see...told us she has looked into it but can't find teams for her and that she wants to play with her t-ball girls. SD only knew 1 girl on her tball team. BM wanted her on that team because she knew the moms. they weren't even the same age as SD. Comes down to it, she agreed to let SD play on the team she wanted to play on thankfully for the childs sake!

But why be so upset because I'm caring for the child and helping out with DH in making sure the children get to do what they want? I didn't sign any papers. I haven't done anything but listen to the children and support DH when he goes to her with suggestions and things the kids have told us. I also make sure the kids have appropriate supplies/equipment for school and sports with DH is not able to do it himself. I help him. He's my DH and thats what we do as married couples right?

 I understand she wants 100% control but when you divorce somebody and the childrens time is split between parents almost 50/50, you do lose some control. We know she doesn't like that we are so invovled in the kids lives but I see other BM's on here who are upset with BD's who aren't involved in the kids lives. Its like it could be a lose/lose situation. Or maybe in our case, BM would be much happier if we were just a glorified babysitter who only watched over them when she's not available? Just frustrating because we would never be angry if her boyfriend that lives with them is invovled. My DH said he'd love to see him be at their sporting events and things (but we've only seen him attend one tball game).

I guess this was a little more of a vent. Thanks for anyone who paid attention!

Holly_1007

I definitely see where you are frustrated, you can't change what happens in her house, just in yours.  just be supporting of your DH, and the skids and don't worry about BM.  our BM has control issues as well , we just brush it off the best we can and roll with it for SD's sake. 

new+tothis

I'm a BM and honestly, I don't see her side at all. If my X got a serious gf or wife I'd appreciate her being involved as long as it was good for DS. I would see if he could get time off work and go to the appointment with his DD if he wants to be there. Other than that I'd just ignore her crazy comments.

bdbelladonna

She wants control and she doesnt get to have it. Keep doing what you are doing. Your step kids will appreciate what you do for them. I would love for BD to be involved and if he is in a serious relationship for his partner to be involved as well, as long as they are doing whats best for kids. As the kids are what matters.