LGBT Parenting

Have you ever regretted choosing your donor?

We're narrowing donors down today, and I was wondering have any of you seconded guessed your donor after you BFP?

Or have you changed donors at the last minute?

 

TTC With PCOS
Me: Witty Comical Southern Girly,Relocated To Wonderful Seattle.
DH: Charming Introvert, Perfect father material.
9/5 First Re Appointment: Good to go on next cycle!
Waiting October IUI, Wish me luck!
Causes I support: GLBT Rights, Children Rights, Animal rights.

Re: Have you ever regretted choosing your donor?

  • Not after a BFP, but I do sometimes regret our first donor choice.  We originally chose a donor with no reported pregnancies.  He'd only been on the market for about 6-7 months at the time and was otherwise our favorite, so we went for it although I was apprehensive.  He did eventually have a reported pregnancy, but it took a while, and there were some messages posted on the CCB message boards from a couple of women who'd tried quite a few cycles with him with no luck.  When we switched from the midwife practice (which did not do sperm analysis) to the RE (who does), the two vials we had left from him had total motile counts around 4 and 7 mill. (the guaranteed minimum for CCB is 10).  Although we were able to get our money back for those two vials, we couldn't get anything for the first four we used with the midwives, and I have a hunch that they weren't great.

    When we decided to switch donors, we had actually decided on one and were all set to order, then at the last minute reviewed his medical history again and saw that he had a first-degree family member with lupus.  We knew it did not mean our child(ren) would have lupus but felt that if they did, we would feel responsible.  We switched to our back-up choice at the last minute, and we're still using him.

    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

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  • Yes and no.

    Do I regret using a donor who has so many reported pregnancies (ie. 1/2 siblings) that he's been the source of multiple articles? Yes. Had I known that prior to picking him, we probably would have chosen someone else.

    But no, I don't regret using him because we have 2 awesome kids and if we hadn't of used that donor, we wouldn't have had them.

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  • Short answer: no. Smile
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  • Short answer: no. Smile
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  • No - our first guy sold out before we bought any, and we switched our second guy at the very (VERY) last minute because we realized he was CMV+ and Jen is CMV-. (Low risk, but potentially high consequence.) Guy #3 gave us some awesome babies, and I'm pretty sure the babies from those other guys would have been just "ok" ;) 

    Of course, I learned reading The Paradox of Choice that the brain works very hard to justify past choices and help us be satisfied with them, no matter the outcome, so I'm sure part of my lack of regret is just my brain tricking me. But the other part is my AWESOME BABIES. :-) 

     

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  • Thanks to everyone who replied.

    Were deciding on a donor this weekend, more than likely tomorrow when we both have some free time. The constant "matching" with common personality traits and looks can be stressful not to mention we want someone with a reported pregnancy, but not a donor to half the population. 

    TTC With PCOS
    Me: Witty Comical Southern Girly,Relocated To Wonderful Seattle.
    DH: Charming Introvert, Perfect father material.
    9/5 First Re Appointment: Good to go on next cycle!
    Waiting October IUI, Wish me luck!
    Causes I support: GLBT Rights, Children Rights, Animal rights.
  • image2brides:

    Yes and no.

    Do I regret using a donor who has so many reported pregnancies (ie. 1/2 siblings) that he's been the source of multiple articles? Yes. Had I known that prior to picking him, we probably would have chosen someone else.

    But no, I don't regret using him because we have 2 awesome kids and if we hadn't of used that donor, we wouldn't have had them.

    Wow, that could be overwhelming.  Was he from a bank?  How many reported sibs are there?

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  • imageTaylorandMel:
    Wow, that could be overwhelming.nbsp; Was he from a bank?nbsp; How many reported sibs are there?


    Yes, he was from Fairfax. Per the article, there are 50ish reported siblings. And those are just the ones that reported. Sigh.
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  • image2brides:

    Yes and no.

    Do I regret using a donor who has so many reported pregnancies (ie. 1/2 siblings) that he's been the source of multiple articles? Yes. Had I known that prior to picking him, we probably would have chosen someone else.

    But no, I don't regret using him because we have 2 awesome kids and if we hadn't of used that donor, we wouldn't have had them.

    what do you mean source of multiple articles?

    - 2 Moms 2 Twins Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
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  • image2brides:
    imageTaylorandMel:
    Wow, that could be overwhelming.nbsp; Was he from a bank?nbsp; How many reported sibs are there?
    Yes, he was from Fairfax. Per the article, there are 50ish reported siblings. And those are just the ones that reported. Sigh.

    i thought they have a limit at fairfax? Dont most banks have a limit ? I am so on the fence about 1/2 sibs ...

    - 2 Moms 2 Twins Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
    image
  • When I Google the donor number, there are several journal articles and excerpts of a book that reference the donor and the number of reported pregnancies.

    Plus, there is a private message board (aside form DSR) just for families of our donor. I can see that there are a lot of people registered, though because I have chosen not to go down that path, I don't know the exact number.

    Yes, they limit the number - and I don't know if it has changed since we started this process in 2004 - but the limit was per region.  Plus, there are people who don't/forget to send in the pregnancy form.

    When we chose, we used Fairfax because we could pick up/drop off and save on shipping, but there were only a small handful of donors with L's coloring. We changed donors 3x during our 9 tries and changed the cycle that I got pregnant because the donor we had been using was out and we had to make a choice on the fly between a couple of donors - with one having significant medical history - and this one.

    I, in no way, regret using that donor because we got a couple of awesome kids. But I do wish that we didn't have to consider that there are so many 1/2 siblings out there that one day we are going to have to deal with (in telling the kids and/or making inquiries if the kids so desire.)

     

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  • image2moms2twins:

    i thought they have a limit at fairfax? Dont most banks have a limit ? I am so on the fence about 1/2 sibs ...

    I think most, if not all, banks have a limit, but the number varies.  We checked this out a few months ago when we were looking for a new donor, and I think the highest number I found was Xytex, which allows a maximum of 40 families to conceive with any given donor.  Fairfax is 25-30.  California Cryobank is 20-30.  But the number is by family, not by child, so a limit of 40 families could be 80+ kids.

    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • no, but he is sold out and off the market (only donated once i think) and i'm bummed about that. we only have one vial left.
  • image2moms2twins:

    image2brides:
    imageTaylorandMel:
    Wow, that could be overwhelming.nbsp; Was he from a bank?nbsp; How many reported sibs are there?
    Yes, he was from Fairfax. Per the article, there are 50ish reported siblings. And those are just the ones that reported. Sigh.

    i thought they have a limit at fairfax? Dont most banks have a limit ? I am so on the fence about 1/2 sibs ...

    Yes, but people need to report the pregnancies/births for the limits to mean anything. Otherwise they are useless.  Last time this was discussed here there were ladies on this board who had never reported their pregnancy. So, I can't totally fault a bank if the people using it don't hold up their end of the bargain.

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  • imagemrsemily08:
    no, but he is sold out and off the market (only donated once i think) and i'm bummed about that. we only have one vial left.
    Ditto this. Our donor donated twice. We're on the wait list in case some gets released (i.e. people sell vials stored at the bank back to the bank), but I'm not hopeful.
    married 03/08/08 -- ttc with PCOS (dx 2005) & DS
    IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
    Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
    image
    finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
  • imageTwo*True:
    image2moms2twins:

    image2brides:
    imageTaylorandMel:
    Wow, that could be overwhelming.nbsp; Was he from a bank?nbsp; How many reported sibs are there?
    Yes, he was from Fairfax. Per the article, there are 50ish reported siblings. And those are just the ones that reported. Sigh.

    i thought they have a limit at fairfax? Dont most banks have a limit ? I am so on the fence about 1/2 sibs ...

    Yes, but people need to report the pregnancies/births for the limits to mean anything. Otherwise they are useless.  Last time this was discussed here there were ladies on this board who had never reported their pregnancy. So, I can't totally fault a bank if the people using it don't hold up their end of the bargain.

    It also depends the methods people use to get pregnant-- our RE reported our pregnancy directly to the bank (which I found out when we went to report), and I think some others may as well. But if people are insemming at home, obviously there may not be that automatic feedback to the bank.
    married 03/08/08 -- ttc with PCOS (dx 2005) & DS
    IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
    Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
    image
    finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
  • imagethiswillbe:
    imageTwo*True:
    image2moms2twins:

    image2brides:
    imageTaylorandMel:
    Wow, that could be overwhelming.nbsp; Was he from a bank?nbsp; How many reported sibs are there?
    Yes, he was from Fairfax. Per the article, there are 50ish reported siblings. And those are just the ones that reported. Sigh.

    i thought they have a limit at fairfax? Dont most banks have a limit ? I am so on the fence about 1/2 sibs ...

    Yes, but people need to report the pregnancies/births for the limits to mean anything. Otherwise they are useless.  Last time this was discussed here there were ladies on this board who had never reported their pregnancy. So, I can't totally fault a bank if the people using it don't hold up their end of the bargain.

    It also depends the methods people use to get pregnant-- our RE reported our pregnancy directly to the bank (which I found out when we went to report), and I think some others may as well. But if people are insemming at home, obviously there may not be that automatic feedback to the bank.

    Right.  But I still put the responsibility on the person who purchases the sperm.  Our paperwork stated very clearly that we needed to report any pregnancies so even if we had TTC at home the onus still would have been on me to report.  It's nice that my doctor did it for me (and like you, I called as well) but it's not their responsibility.

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  • imageTwo*True:
    imagethiswillbe:
    imageTwo*True:
     

    Yes, but people need to report the pregnancies/births for the limits to mean anything. Otherwise they are useless.  Last time this was discussed here there were ladies on this board who had never reported their pregnancy. So, I can't totally fault a bank if the people using it don't hold up their end of the bargain.

    It also depends the methods people use to get pregnant-- our RE reported our pregnancy directly to the bank (which I found out when we went to report), and I think some others may as well. But if people are insemming at home, obviously there may not be that automatic feedback to the bank.

    Right.  But I still put the responsibility on the person who purchases the sperm.  Our paperwork stated very clearly that we needed to report any pregnancies so even if we had TTC at home the onus still would have been on me to report.  It's nice that my doctor did it for me (and like you, I called as well) but it's not their responsibility.

    Agreed. I was just meaing that the counts may not be as far off as I think we sometimes assume they are.
    married 03/08/08 -- ttc with PCOS (dx 2005) & DS
    IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
    Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
    image
    finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
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