Rough spell with 3 y/o DD

penguinem

I have been following this board since DD was an infant but am not a frequent poster. However, I'm at a loss and hoping other moms have some advice.
My DD just turned three and I have a 7 month old DS. She has been wonderful in adjusting to him but we are in a rough patch and it's affecting my relationship with DD.
I work full time and DH is a full time SAHD. She is in a great routine with them, but with me she whines and fusses for my attention constantly, only to struggle to enjoy it when she has it. If I make 1:1 time, she often runs away from me, cries and says she wants me to go back to work, or says she only wants to spend time with daddy. Often instead of taking advantage of time we could have together, she'll throw a huge fit and then eventually throw herself on me and apologize, but often by that time I have to nurse DD, it's bedtime or mealtime, etc. It feels awful.
I have tried setting aside extra time, normal and special activities, outings, and ignoring it and continuing with the task which works sometimes.
Any tips? Has anyone had a similar experience?

nosoup4u

Wait for her to turn four. I wish I was kidding, but three was horrible for DS1. Horrible! Things have gotten much better overall since he's turned four. Hang in there!

penguinem

Ha ha! That is NOT what I want to hear.., she has only been three for about five weeks :. I forgot to mention I've also tried reasoning with her, lol. As you can imagine, that hadn't worked either!

ncbelle

My kids have a similar age gap.  Callum didn't do what you are describing but when Eleanor was about the same age as your DS (so about when she was really mobile) he definitely had some "issues" - I'd guess he was experiencing the same sorts of feelings your DD is just that the manifested in different ways.  At our house we started having night wakings again and a couple of "poop regressions" even though he'd been PTed for months.

I think it came out of a realization that Eleanor was another little person and not just a little lump that I carried around and nursed sometimes.  So maybe secondary sibling jealousy?  We are actually going through a bit of this stage again now as Eleanor is talking and being even more "person like" (although it doesn't seem as bad as it was before since he is also seeing that she can be fun to play with).

I know you said you are making some 1 on 1 time - have you tried doing that away from the house?  Could be something as basic as a "date night" with just the two of you where you go out to dinner (we made a big deal out of things like that that Callum could do that Eleanor couldn't).  It also helped a lot at our house for me to do bedtime with Callum while DH did bedtime with Eleanor - I'd nurse her and then hand her off to daddy and hang out with Cal a bit as he fell asleep.  Or maybe a special outing with just the two of you on the weekends?  Although those may be things you've already tried!

 

aglenn

We have almost the same age gap and I am right there with you. DD alternates between being all over me literally and telling me to go away. Both are frustrating and tough to deal with. I wish I had a solution! Like you, special time with DD seems to have no impact in fact, I feel like sometimes it makes her behavior worse.