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ILoveRedVino

MrsRiceARoni

I'd say over all my experience with this pregnancy has been pretty numb. I do have moments of happiness and moments of excitement and I am slowly starting to feel a little more connected but it has been very different around. My loss was so close to the end that I don't think I'll really ever get to the point where I feel I am far enough past my previous loss to become more confident. Once she is born I'm sure I'll be affraid of SIDS for a while, as I lost a brother to it and than of course there are always the fears that any parent has for the rest of their lives. This pregnancy has also been much more difficult for me physical but I try to remind myself each day that this pregnancy is so different from the one with my son, so I should expect a different outcome. I find that makes me feel a little better.

drvst8

All I can tell you is that its definitely not easy. Sure I have moments where I'm so totally excited...but those other times always sneak up.I've tried really hard not to compare my two pregnancies but its hard. Every appt, every doppler check and every ultrasound is so hard. I hold my breath everytime untill I hear or see that beautiful heartbeat. I would like to say it gets easier but in my case it hasn't yet. We lost our son at 40wks and 2 days. And we are coming up on his first birthday so it makes it so much harder. I feel a little better knowing that all my doctors have a  plan this time around...and with my induction now set I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

littleusfamily

My loss was at 18w5d.

I'm very excited about this pregnancy but very cautious as well. I don't have the same relief that so many other women feel at 13 weeks. I'm not in the clear my scary stage is just beginning. 

You take it day by day and you try and have faith that it won't happen again but it is so so hard. 

holly321

Mine wasn't really a late loss, 14 weeks (plus a c/p, if not 2).  But my mom had two late losses, and they never had testing, so I have a constant fear, that there could be something genetically wrong.  I am very happy about being pregnant, but I am very anxious.  I will probably feel better once I have the a/s and can see everything is ok.  I had to have a lot of u/s early on, but I haven't had one since about  9 weeks, so I am just scared something is wrong. 

philfemgal

I'm still pretty early in this pregnancy compared to when our loss was (well technically we had two losses last pregnancy at 14 and almost 18.5 weeks).  But "enjoy" and "excitement" aren't words I associate with this pregnancy at all.  Our aim is to be "cautiously optimistic" and I think we are achieving that for the most part.

I am hoping that a some point--maybe past our loss milestone, maybe viability, maybe 3rd trimester--we can find some enjoyment.  Right now I just feel such a need to emotionally protect myself that I just can't bring myself to enjoy or relax.

Chocodoxies

I have not had a late loss, all mine have been before 12 weeks, but even then I just can't relax. I am always nervous and scared. I have tried to revel in the moments of comfort immediately after I hear a heartbeat or feel my LO kick. After a positive appointment I always do something that would scare me otherwise, like pick up the baby stuff from my SIL. One time I broke down and bought a baby blanket, which I cuddle when I am feeling anxious. I can't even fathom what a loss at the point I am at now, 22 weeks, would be like so I can't tell you I understand, but even I can't relax and enjoy "the ride". I wish you the best of luck and that when you do decide to TTC, that we see you here quickly and for a healthy and uneventful 9 months. 

ally2011

I have been peaceful, calm....and yes, even happy.  I still miss Grace and always will (losing her brought on despair that I did not know existed)...and sometimes that hits out of the blue.  But, I have still been able to enjoy this pregnancy (well, not feeling sick so much, but that is what it is).  We did not really try again until nearly a year after we lost our daughter Grace.  I know people do different things, but this was good for us....we were able to really work through our grief and that (in my opinion) has made a difference.  A lot of people are praying for us, and I credit that the most for my mental state.  Left to my own devices I would probably be in a padded room with pills  In our case, they can't say for sure one way or the other, but the best information is that we have a 25% recurrence chance.  I have not let that dominate my thinking and instead have focused on the fact that I have my baby today, and for today we are ok.  I am aware that these could be the only days I have with him or her....which I do not dwell on at all, but instead really want to appreciate this time since there are no guarantees.  We have our anatomy scan next Thursday and will know then how things stand.  Of course we are hopeful that this baby will bury us many, many years from now.  

Hugs to you, I hope you can find some peace and enjoy yours as well.   And I am very sorry for your loss.