Would you invite guests to a shower that you know can't come?

RachelG1016

Neither mine nor my DH's families are remotely close to where we live. The closest relatives are in Missouri and we are in Michigan.

Should we invite out of town family members to the baby shower knowing that they can't make it?

Part of me says yes because it is the polite/proper thing to do but another part of me says no that it insinuates an expectation for gifts knowing that they can't attend.

 What sayeth the board?

JennV514

I would. Your families may be upset to find out you had a shower and they weren't invited. You should give them the opportunity to send their love (gift or not), if they wish.

Lauren238

If it were me, I would probably call and invite them instead of sending an invitation, that way they are invited but won't have a reminder to get you or a present or to see where you may be registered. You could even make it to where you are calling to see how everyone is doing and then mention your baby shower, that way they can't say you didn't invite them, but not as much pressure to come. Just a thought tho. Good luck!

letitbe3

JennV514:

I would. Your families may be upset to find out you had a shower and they weren't invited. You should give them the opportunity to send their love (gift or not), if they wish.

This. They may be looking for a good excuse to come see you (not that they SHOULD need one) or other family out there and want to lump it all into one trip. Plus, the way I see it - it's not worth the cost of a stamp to possibly really hurt someone's feelings...

brianabrad

I actually ask MIL if she wanted me to invite DH's extended family knowing they wouldn't be able to come and she said no. I think she didn't want to appear gift grubby and said the family will be, and I quote, very generous when they receive the birth announcement.

On the same hand, I didn't invite DH's extended family who live in other states, etc to either wedding shower for the same reason. They wouldn't be able to attend.

tdoyen

For close family I say yes and if you speak to them, you can convey to them that they are under no pressure to attend.  You don't want to risk anyone feeling excluded.  

zonagirlie

JennV514:

I would. Your families may be upset to find out you had a shower and they weren't invited. You should give them the opportunity to send their love (gift or not), if they wish.

This. It's the polite thing to do. If you don't send an invite, it's kind of like not acknowledging them.

If you call, like I see someone suggesting, that's you inviting them to your party. You aren't supposed to be a part of invitations other than providing a guest list. Calling seems really tacky IMO. Your planners are in charge of all of that. Just put them on the guest list and let the folks in charge take care of it all. If they send their congratulations and love, YAY! 

Southernpeach80

I would. To me its so they know that I would want them there, not that i expected gifts from them. A lot of my and H's family live out of state and I feel like they might be hurt if they weren't invited.

this decaf life

Did you invite them to your bridal shower? I didn't invite many people to my bridal shower because I knew a lot couldn't come/weren't even able to come to our wedding so I didn't invite them & I will not invite them to a baby shower.

RachelG1016

this decaf life:

Did you invite them to your bridal shower? I didn't invite many people to my bridal shower because I knew a lot couldn't come/weren't even able to come to our wedding so I didn't invite them & I will not invite them to a baby shower.

 I didn't have a bridal shower or a formal wedding with invitations so this is new territory for me with my in-laws.

spartyparty

I would... I'm the one that lives far away from most of my family/friends, and I still always appreciate when I get an invite to events even though they know I can't come. It's nice to feel remembered.

==N==

My mom lives 5 hours away and I know she wont come, I'm going to tall her when we have a date and say hey, Im having a shower, if by chance you can come that'd be awesome, if not, I understand. She doesn't even know if shes coming for the birth so I wouldn't expect her for the shower...

moonglow_84

I answered ya in the Baby Shower Board.

I'm scared of the baby shower board... it's really unforgiving on there lol.

RachelG1016

moonglow_84:

I answered ya in the Baby Shower Board.

I'm scared of the baby shower board... it's really unforgiving on there lol.

 Thanks for the answer. I was scared to post it over there too but figured the flames wouldn't be to hot since I hang out over here most of the time. LOL

Kie310

Family, yes. I invited my SILs even though I knew they couldn't come. I can't imagine keeping family in the dark about that. You really NEVER know. 

sbevmc09

I see both sides of this because it's totally something that I'd worry about too (i.e. wanting them to feel included, but not wanting them to feel obligated to send a gift when they likely won't be able to attend).  I agree with everyone else though, it's probably right to just invite them to let them know they're included, especially when it comes to family.  Now I wouldn't be invited my 3rd cousin twice removed or anything, but yeah, use your own discretion

MelissaRae1525

We haven't had a lot of baby showers or bridal showers in my family yet so we don't really have a set way to deal with this but my cousin did invite us to her bridal shower in IN and we're in Florida, so we probably will. Just my cousins and aunts.

BLPL101

I'm surprised at the responses. DH's family lives in Iowa and my shower is in CA. I am not inviting them because I don't want to appear gift grabby. I can't imagine his cousin inviting us to their shower (she is due in Feb).

bearkatjen

In situations like that, we only invite grandparents, parents, and siblings.

crash102205

I'm inviting people I know that can't make it. I want them to feel included. I have family all over the place and I want to make sure to include them. I don't think it insinuates an expectation for gift. I know I'm not expecting anything from the family members who can't make it! 

RJM050705

I'm planning to invite my mom and gram (both live in AZ, I'm in WA).  Though, I *think* we're going to fly my mom up for it.  But even if we weren't, I'd want them to feel included.  DH has like 1 cousin that he ever talks to and we'll invite her (she's in OR).  Especially since she came up for my SIL's shower.

dlbrous

I live far away from family and I always appreciate receiving the invitations. I like to send gifts to be opened at the showers, and I wouldn't know when to do so if I didn't receive an invitation.

arekamike

I would and I am inviting people who I know can't come.