AHhhh! So frustrated!

I have posted a few times about DS refusing to nurse.  It gets better, then happens again, on and off.  It is just so frustrating.  I keep telling myself not to stress.  If he won't nurse I'll just give him a bottle of BM or if I don't have enough pumped I will supplement and then go pump.  I do ok with this reasoning for a bit. Then the guilt comes crawling back up again.  I really just want to nurse him. But he will not do it.  I have tried SO many positions. Expressing milk on my nipple, massaging before hand so it doesn't take as much work to get it going.  I just feel like I've given it my best shot and I DO NOT want to EP, because I just don't think I could keep up with it.  I am home alone with him alot due to my DH work schedule, so pumping after I give him a bottle every time isn't really feasible.  What am I suppose to do with him while I sit for 20 minutes and pump? Part of me just wants to give up and get past the guilty feelings, the other part so badly wants to keep going. But BFing is just stressing me out so badly and making me depressed.  He did so well for the first 2 months, this last month has been so up and down its making me a wreck. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves as mothers?  Why am I making myself feel so guilty?  As if formula is poison or something. Just ranting I guess.  I just wish something would click and it would go back to how it was.  BFing at first was a great expereience, so easy, and I love how I got to bond with him.  Now its a struggle.
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Re: AHhhh! So frustrated!

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    I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. BF is way harder than I would have ever guessed. Keep doing the best you can. Hugs.
    TTC with PCOS since November 2009
    IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c
    IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
    IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
    beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
    beta #2 11/28 = 2055
    Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
    Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
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    Let the guilt go! Your a wonderful mother! I went through the same thing. We're still feeding but its rough. She sleeps so much at night that she makes up for it during the day. I end up nursing like every hour and a half!  To every hour! Shes 10wks old.

    I feel like she's not getting enough. We're overcoming a low supply anyway.

    Long story short, if we go to formula only then I'm not going to stress. My relationship with my daughter is more important.

    I second talking to a LC and seeing why he's on a nursing strike. He may have an ear ache or a stuffy nose. Weird stuff like that can make them stop.

    Whatever you decided is better than being stressed. 

    This extra emphasis on how we are more amazing mothers cause we bf is a little off. The emphasis should be on how we are amazing mothers cause we are busting our buts to what is best for our children.  

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