WWPD?

ASmallWonder

I had my first case of my kid being physical with another kid.  He sort of pinched/grabbed the arm of a playmate at the park today.  He didn't hurt her at all but I told him he can't pinch his friends and that he should tell her that he was sorry.  He said no.  Ugh.  I took him aside and explained that if he can't be nice to his friends we can't play at the park with them and again told him to say he was sorry.  He muttered it to ME but wouldn't say it to her.

I sort of ended up just letting it go because the girl came over and started chasing him and they were off and having fun.  Does that warrant a "Ok we're done and going home" reaction or is that too much?  I don't think it was a "pack up and leave" thing but I think I painted myself into a corner by telling him to apologize because then he refused.  I couldn't tell if the dad was thinking "Yeah, your kid needs to apologize" or "You're making too much of this."   

CoffeeBeen

I think it depends on how big a deal it is for you to leave the park.  Our primary park is <1 block from our house so packing up and leaving is no big deal.  In fact, that's how we taught DS how to not eat sand.  Eat sand = go home. 

If going home is too much of a commitment then you could do something more minor, like make him play on a different piece of playground equipment.  So instead of saying "If you can't be nice to your friends then we can't play on the park" say "if you pinch your friends then you have to play over there, away from them."   And then any pinching sends him immediately to the other side of the park.  You don't have to go home, but he still learns that pinching causes a consequence.  Maybe something like that could be an intermediate step so that things don't escalate to going home right away.

ShellShockedMama

I would have put him in time out for not listening to me when I told him to apologize. (had he apologized right off, i wouldn't have put him in time out) If he refused again, I would have gone home. Because, to me it's not about the hitting necessarily, it's about his refusal to listen to me. I have limited patience for that. 

But like PP said, the park is a 2 minute drive. If I was at the beach, which is 45 minutes away, I  would have still done the time out. If he didn't apologize after that, then I'd probably make him play near me and not with his friend. 

hmp1

The way we have handled it is DS has to come sit next to me in time out. I talk to him about what he did wrong. When time out is over, we ask his friend to come over so DS can apologize to him/her with a hug or high five (he doesn't say "I'm sorry" yet). He has never refused to do the hug so I haven't reached that stage yet. 

nancy30005

FWIW, I've done the exact same thing. 
Except my kid decided to make-up about three minutes after the talk. Like a delayed reaction or someshit.
I don't think what you did was wrong at all...I really don't.

ABColeslaw

I think it is also okay to let kids navigate some things themselves, she clearly forgave him, no hard feelings, he was ashamed enough that you told him it was wrong he could only mutter it to you.  Next time, I'd give him a two minute time out. 

write2nicole

I think you handled it just fine. I try to minimize the confrontations and challenges, so I try not to be too demanding at this stage. Usually when Mac says "sorry," it's pretty quiet and I don't think others can really hear it. I usually accept it in public because I think there's some discomfort there for him. At home, I'll tell him to say it to Daddy or to the dog (or whomever he's apologizing to).

ASmallWonder

hmp&mrj:

The way we have handled it is DS has to come sit next to me in time out. I talk to him about what he did wrong. When time out is over, we ask his friend to come over so DS can apologize to him/her with a hug or high five (he doesn't say "I'm sorry" yet). He has never refused to do the hug so I haven't reached that stage yet. 

I like the high five thing because it's not too physical, kind of fun and something they're usually ok with.  I think I'll try that.

Holly, he definitely felt shamed because he came over to me and put his head down when they do their "shy thing" kwim?  I just don't want to be the parent who other parents are like "Nice, you don't even try to make your kid apologize."  We see this guy a lot and like I said, he didn't hurt the little girl even a little so I think all is fine.  I was just kind of like WTF do I do differently next time?

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