Teaching please

rolypolybaby

Hi!  I have a 2 year old son, he just turned 2 in July.  Not sure if this is relevant, but he was preemie, born 10 weeks early.

I'm getting pretty fed up with the way he screams and carries on when he doesn't get what he wants at the very second he wants it.  For example, after dinner I offered him a cup of milk, which he didn't want.  I wasn't sure if wanted more food or something to drink, so since the milk was already ready to go, I offered that to him.  It seems that he wanted more food instead, so he threw his plate on the floor and screamed like a banshee. 

He doesn't talk that much, but has learned some sign language.  Instead of using his sign language, he prefers to scream his head off.  He has started imitating us a lot, so I thought that perhaps I could start teaching to say "please" when he wants something.  Does anybody have good methods?

Right now, when he starts screaming, I put him in his crib and wait for him to calm down.  When he starts calming down, I say "If you'd like to come out of your crib, you need to ask politely and say please"  "Say please!", etc.  Not sure if this is a good method or not!

megann831

Your DS seems to be really frustrated, I don't think it's the best time to be requiring please or leaving him in his crib.  When DD gets like that I hold her and try to calm her down until she's calm enough to talk and tell me what she wants.  She does talk quite a bit, but sometimes I'll bring her into the kitchen and she'll point to what she wants.  If that doesn't work and she's still screaming then I'll usually put her on the couch, she may throw herself to the floor and I'll just ignore it, and put on a show she likes, usually within 10 minutes she's over it.

DH and I were just discussing this the other day.  I don't know if it's because I'm a teacher so I'm used to dealing with aggravating behavior,  but I try to think about why she's acting the way she is.  If it's because she's being a brat about no getting what she wants, then she'll be ignored, if she's being bad because she's not getting what she wants, then she'll be punished, but if she's upset because she's frustrated or wants her mommy but I'm with the baby, I don't punish her and just try to calm her as soon as I can.  When she's calm and we're having a normal conversation is when I enforce please and thank you.

rolypolybaby

Well that's the thing, the only way to get him to calm down is to put him in his crib.  I have tried holding him and talking to him in a calm voice, but he just gets madder and madder and he's very nearly broken my glasses.  If I just leave him on the floor, he starts hitting his head on the floor.  He's given himself some pretty impressive bruises on his head doing this.  I've found that he calms much, much faster if he gets put into his crib.  He probably is really frustrated and seems to have absolutely no patience.

Some people have suggested that he get tested for autism, but he sees Early Intervention therapists and they think that he just needs to learn to communicate better.

That's why I was thinking maybe it's time for him to learn a way to ask for things nicely.

megann831

If putting him in his crib is what calms him down then I think that's fine.  It's just my opinion, but I feel like if he's having such a hard time communicating to you he wants a cookie, I'd work on trying to get him to tell you he want's the cookie and I really wouldn't be pushing, I want a cookie please.  

saturdaynightdoubletree

Communication is rough at this age. It's more important for him to get his point across, even if you're guessing what it is he wants. Once you figure out what he wants I would just say back "Cookie please" and hand him the cookie. I wouldn't require him to say please in order to get something quite yet, but just demonstrate how the word is used. Also, over use it when you talk to him. "Please come put your shoes on." "Let's have breakfast please." "Please give mommy a kiss." etc. The most important thing is to keep conversation simple; it's hard enough for these little guys to communicate, and it only frustrates them more if you go off on a tangent on demanding them to be polite. You also don't want it to become a reward/punishment so I'd be careful with "If you'd like to come out of your crib, you need to ask politely and say please" - instead I would say something more simple like "Up please" and see if he mimics you. GL! Manners take time to teach, especially with kids just learning how to talk.

rolypolybaby

Thanks everyone!  I like the advice of overusing "please" myself, and I will definitely start doing that. 

I do understand that he is still probably too young to learn how to ask for things politely.  I guess I need to work on him actually ASKING for things first!  And also work on me understanding what the heck he is saying.

Stephanie2167

Have you taught him the sign for please? That is what we started with. DD has had pretty great verbal skills so she lost the use of sign language pretty early but whenever she asked for something we'd say "please" and she'd sign please.

She still say things like "Mommy, I want milk." and we always tell her "May I please have milk?" and she has to repeat that before she gets it.

When you are calming him down work on the signs with him. The more he uses sign language the less frustrated he'll get I think.

Good luck!