ONE AND MAYBE ONE MORE

cpink117

My little pumpkin is 3 months old today! Hes 17lbs and the size of a 6 month old! I love him to pecies, he is such an amazing little guy and i can imagine life without him now, But another thing is we are considering having another baby because we want them to be able to grow up together and hopefully be best friends. Im not sure how long we should wait because i dont want to lose all this weight and then get pregant again and gain everything back. What are your views or opinions on this.

khill86

Just because you have kids close in age doesn't mean they'll be close. To me, age difference doesn't really mean anything. It's more what we're prepared for. Is it better to get diapering, BF, etc done and over with ask quickly as possible, or do you want it spread out enough that you could give a second baby almost as much attention as the first, like if you waited for your first to be in school before having another.

Weight loss and gain also has nothing to do with it for me. I'd like my body to totally recover from this pregnancy before doing it again, though. They say 18 months between pregnancies birth of number one to conception of number two is best.

Honestly, for me, it will depend most of how DH turns out as a parent and partner. If he steps it up as LO gets older, I have no problem having another. If he stays the way he is now, there's no way I'll do it on my own again. Between taking care of DS, DH, dogs, our house, and eventually going back to work, I don't think I can add anything else to my plate, let alone another human, unless DH takes over his fair share.

mylittlesunshine

I agree with the pp about just because they are close in age doesn't mean they will be close.

Your body just went through a traumatic experience. I believe a lot of OB's say to wait atleast a year so your body can recover.

For me personally....I would never want two babies under 1 or 2. My DD1 is almost 3 is pretty easy going, but it is a lot more work with two.

jamiah18

It took a while for me to get pregnant and my dr recommended to start trying again when lo is nine months, so that is what we plan on doing.

sassafras007

I have a 2.5 year old and a 2 month old and I AM EXHAUSTED. I also work full time.

I literally have no down time. I kinda wish I would have waited another year...

Thats my honest opinion.

JessieCupcake

I may be in the minority but I do think the spacing of siblings can affect their friendships.

I'm 3 years apart from my brother and 4 years apart from my sister. We are incredibly close.

My H is 8 years apart from his sister and 10 years apart from his brother. They are not close at all.

But anyway OP you need to do what's right for your family. For me the weight thing wouldn't be a factor. We plan to wait a couple of years for financial reasons and the fact that we need more space.

giggles0918

JessieCupcake:

I may be in the minority but I do think the spacing of siblings can affect their friendships. I'm 3 years apart from my brother and 4 years apart from my sister. We are incredibly close. My H is 8 years apart from his sister and 10 years apart from his brother. They are not close at all. But anyway OP you need to do what's right for your family. For me the weight thing wouldn't be a factor. We plan to wait a couple of years for financial reasons and the fact that we need more space.

 I'm 9 years older than my sister and we are very close.  It just depends on the people.  You can't predict this.

JessieCupcake

giggles0918:

JessieCupcake:

I may be in the minority but I do think the spacing of siblings can affect their friendships. I'm 3 years apart from my brother and 4 years apart from my sister. We are incredibly close. My H is 8 years apart from his sister and 10 years apart from his brother. They are not close at all. But anyway OP you need to do what's right for your family. For me the weight thing wouldn't be a factor. We plan to wait a couple of years for financial reasons and the fact that we need more space.

 I'm 9 years older than my sister and we are very close.  It just depends on the people.  You can't predict this.

I was thinking it's more likely to have things in common when you're closer in age.

stepper1725

JessieCupcake:

I was thinking it's more likely to have things in common when you're closer in age.

I agree with this, although also agree that you can't always predict how things will turn out. My older sister and I are 18 months apart and we are very close. I'm closer to her than my younger sister, who is 4 years younger than me. Not only did my older sister and I share common experiences growing up, but now we both are married & have kids, whereas my younger sister is still sowing her wild oats so to speak.

But, my older sister and younger sister are very close, so yeah, it's not all age.

daisy080187

I totally get what your saying... me & DH both have sibling 7-8 years older than us & sibling 1.5-2 years younger than us...both of us are closer to our older sibling (but I think that is only cause personality wise we don't have a lot in common with our younger ones, maybe cause we are at different stages in our lives idk), I've also been toying with the idea when to have my 2nd... I definitely don't wanna be 9mths prego or in labor on DS 1st birthday...so not any time really soon. I know its best to wait...but I feel like my clock is ticking & I would love to have 4 kids (DH says 3 max) but I wanna be done by age 30 (thats in 5 years...UGH) so I'm in a dilema...DH is happy with starting to try again on his 1st birthday so I think I'm going to try to respect that cause I figure he'll be almost 2 or 2 when his lil bro or sis is here. Maybe I'm so anxious to have another one cause like you I've got a BIG boy.. at birth he 22 inches 8.8 lbs & at his 2 mth check up he was 15lbs & 24.5 inches long.. maybe if he was still small I would feel differently idk... I would just keep in mind that (at least for me) I'm super super excited for his 1st birthday (I'm not wishing time away but its going to happen, cause I'll be excited but probably balling my eyes that my baby is 1!) & I know I wouldn't want to be either SUPER pregnant or in labor or have a brand new newborn on his special day...

hecallsmecat

I don't post here often, but thought I could add to this. My LO's are a little less than a year apart and it is HARD! There are some days where I feel like I am losing my mind. This is the first time in a month that I have even come near my computer. Both kids are napping right now for the first time ever!

That being said, I would not have done it any other way. DH and I just wanted to have our 2 and be done with having babies. It fits our lifestyle better this way and since we don't live near any family or friends we wanted our kids to have each other to play with.

Think very carefully before you jump into having another baby though. My 1-year-old has me up more at night than the little one! (teething sucks)

caeraRose

I would never dream of telling you how to plan your family

I can tell you our plans, though. We're planning on having four kids, and spacing them 3 years apart. DD came a little earlier than we thought we'd have kids, so we'd need some time anyway to get our financial situation in order, but I have read that having pregnancies close together can be taxing on your body. I also know that I really want to get my stomach back, and that's harder to do if it never gets flat between pregnancies. If you don't give yourself time to recover your figure from the first, it's less likely to bounce back after later pregnancies.

Sawyerplus1

I agree that no one here can tell you what is best for you and your family. And there's no way to predict if they'll be friends, no matter the age different. I am great friends with my sister (11 years older) and my brother (7 years older), but obviously we didn't really 'grow up' together, so our friendship really happened later in my life. My niece and nephew are 11 months apart and are best friends, always have been. My DH and his brother are 13 months apart and things were very competitive growing up. As adults they have a fine relationship but they're not really 'friends'.

Anyway, be sure that you and your partner speak openly and honestly with each other about what you want and when you want it. It will be both challenging and rewarding no matter how you space it.  

TnG05

khill86:

Just because you have kids close in age doesn't mean they'll be close. To me, age difference doesn't really mean anything. It's more what we're prepared for. Is it better to get diapering, BF, etc done and over with ask quickly as possible, or do you want it spread out enough that you could give a second baby almost as much attention as the first, like if you waited for your first to be in school before having another. Weight loss and gain also has nothing to do with it for me. I'd like my body to totally recover from this pregnancy before doing it again, though. They say 18 months between pregnancies birth of number one to conception of number two is best.

 

Honestly, for me, it will depend most of how DH turns out as a parent and partner. If he steps it up as LO gets older, I have no problem having another. If he stays the way he is now, there's no way I'll do it on my own again. Between taking care of DS, DH, dogs, our house, and eventually going back to work, I don't think I can add anything else to my plate, let alone another human, unless DH takes over his fair share.

This last part is where I'm at also.  I told him the other day it's like everything changed for me and not too much for him. We'll see how things change after I go back to work in Oct.  All that being said I would love to have another baby.

SweetHurricane

Our LOs are 17 months apart. I can't really say yet how I feel about it. It is HARD. Every day I question if I made the right choice or not. I am excited to see them grow up together and I hope they can be best friends since we'll be moving a lot (military). I know it'll get easier as they get older, but right now my life is just crazy.

I felt the same way as you about working to lose the weight and then getting pregnant again. That was one (among MANY) reasons for having them close together. I think the waiting one year rule is for c-section mommas. I had a vag birth and my OB had no problem with us getting pregnant again so soon.

Good luck with your decision!

dragossoul84

My mom tells me its never as easy as the first time. My husband and his brother are just over a year apart and believe me they were not best friends they were so bad together his parents had to take separate cars on family trips. they arent bad now but growing up it was a blood bath from what I'm told. I am 5 and 6 years older than my siblings and we didnt get along either. Each child has their own personality their age doesnt matter in how they get along its who they are. I want another child as well but my pregnancy literally almost killed me so I guess I will be waiting a bit the complications that arose can never arise again since they have been dealt with through some surgeries after I gave birth but I think I should have at least a year to get a handle on who I am as a parent and my ob had suggested at least 18 months since I had a c-section