STM - Post Partum depression?

julieklu

So my friend tells me today that she still thinks that I'm crazy that my mom isn't coming to stay the week that the baby is born. When I told her that I wanted to do it alone with my hubby she said "well, you are just going to be very lonely and sad at first after the baby is born." And I just didn't know what to say. I then asked her if she had the "baby blues" and she said "No, that she was just so lonely and sad because she didn't "bond" with her baby."  (Whatever that means.). She then told me that it was normal and that every new mom goes through this sadness, and for her it passed at like 6 months...

So...I know sometimes women do get the mild sadness after the baby is born ect...but I mean...I don't think what she went through was normal...anyone?

 

The_Jen626

Every single new mom that I know has felt "a little sad" right after birth.  Totally normal, IMO.

According to my DH, I was nutso for the first 6 months, then normal after that.

mdsharr

I agree every new Mom goes through a little blue period. But 6 months? I don't know if that is "normal" but what is? I do remember about 10 days or so PP being sad and emotional, but I would say it was mostly hormones and only lasted a few days if that.

 As for having your Mom come stay I would say not necessary. My MIL has came after each child was born for a few days usually a week or so PP. Mostly she cooks and cleans and holds the baby so I can rest. My Mom lives 6 miles from me and stops by daily so having her stay would never happen, nor would I want her to. I don't find her as helpful as my MIL.

savish

I have a high chance of getting PPD because of my history with depression, and my mother also had it with me. So I've gone over this with my doctor before, he said that normal baby blues only go on for about 2-3 weeks and anything longer than that would most likely be PPD.. judging by that, I don't think what she went through was normal and I feel sad for her that she had to go through that for so long

queenie521

I don't know if I agree that this is "normal". Was I stressed? Yes.   Did I cry sometimes in the middle of the night from being so overtired and overwhelmed?  Yes. But I would never say that I was "sad" or "lonely". It may have been a minor case of PPD. 

queenie521

Also want to add that I think it's a great idea to you and DH to have your own bonding time at first. We like to do things "on our own" for the first week as that is the time DH usually takes off from work. When DH goes back to work after a week, my Mom usually comes and stays with us for two weeks to help me out. It's nice to have a solid three weeks of help while we all adjust to the "new normal". 

MeginUT

I really don't think I ever felt down, sad, or lonely after I had my baby.  I think every pregnancy is different and so you might get it or you might not.  FWIW, both my extended family and my in-laws make me feel crowded and I think one thing that really helped is that my husband and I were very clear about not having visitors.  I had to deal with pushy know-it-all sister-in-law and be very clear that no, I do not want you to come right after the baby was born. I know that if I had had to deal with her, or my in-laws, or my father, sitting in my living room while I was trying to get adjusted to breastfeeding and dealing with the aftermath of giving birth, I would have probably gotten down or I might have even had a mental breakdown.   For me, the privacy was wonderful and having just the three of us for a while and not having to deal with other people was beneficial.  So, I think it depends on your relationship with the family member who wants to visit.  If they are truly a person you find supportive and are comfortable around and will be of help, then it may be beneficial to have them there and will help with any depression you may feel.  If they're even slightly annoying, having them there will just add to it.  

Rachelilly23

6 months is not a normal length of time for baby blues. I wouldn't let that go longer than a month! That's sad she let herself think that was ok for so long. I had PPA/PPD, but it was sort of delayed. I didn't start feeling bad until DS was 3 months old and didn't really get help until he was 6 -7 months. I tried to ignore it for too long. I have a history of depression, but not anxiety, so it really just threw me for a loop. Regardless, baby blues usually happens right after baby comes, and shouldn't last long. Anything else is probably more PPD related and should be helped/monitored. Keep in mind that PPD can hit within the first year. If you have a history of depression, keep your eyes open.

alrdytkn1222

I feel like I get it during pregnancy : I am so miserable for 9 months that I wish it away and it can't end soon enough. Then I carry the guilt of it....people have judged me including a best friend like " then why did u get prego again?" I'm fine after and will be done after this baby number 3....but really I feel awful.

Lacey2shoes

Like a pp said, I sometimes cried from being over tired and overwhelmed at just the huge change in life, but that was really the very first weeks after having DS. It might have lasted 2 weeks, but those are very hormonal 2 weeks!!! 6 months is crazy, even 6 weeks might be a little long, unless you are a very stressed person generally or something.

My in-laws came when DS was born and my mom was here a few days before the birth until 3 weeks after. They all stayed with us because they came from out of town. I was sooooo stressed and crowded with so many people in the house that I made the ILs go home the day after I came home from the hospital. I'm guessing that your husband has some paternity leave/vacation time that you are going to use after the birth. I would say that if you want it to be just the 3 of you, definitely do that. You can always enjoy the help after that week. If you do have someone come and stay, make sure it's someone you are really comfortable with. I refuse to have my MIL come because she's crazy. She would clean my house, but she would come and describe every tiny thing to me and "teach" me how to do it right. She would also cook, but she makes food that we don't really eat much and tends to give me an upset stomach (breaded and fried everything!!!). Luckily, I've got a great relationship with my mom and she's willing to come and help out. (She stays so long because we live overseas.) What I guess I'm trying to say is that if you want to do it alone, you totally can. But if you have help, make sure it's what you want!! GL! 

jillybean800

I definitely did not feel that instant "in love" with my baby feeling.  I was definitely sad and lonely.  It did not last for 6 months though.  Probably more like 3 weeks.  I wouldn't call that PPD, probably just normal "baby blues."  Your friend's six month stint sounds a little more serious.  It is completely normal to not be like, "Oh this baby and I have completely bonded and love each other immediately!" They are a little stranger, after all!

While I think it's great that your H and you want to do it alone, just be open to the idea that you may want company.  Make sure to just be flexible and if you are feeling like you want someone else there, just call! Don't be too proud or too set in previous plans to change your mind.

I wish that we had done that....my son was born right before Christmas, and I had always said that we were going to stay home for Christmas and people were going to come to us.  Well, without the big family dinner, which was had without us, it honestly didn't feel like Christmas.  I wish that I had listened to my gut that day and just gone to the family dinner.  But I didn't want to change my plans....why the heck not though?  Just be open minded

mrsmklynch

I don't think it's accurate to say that every mom goes through that, though I'm sure there are plenty who do. I had PPD after both pregnancies but it really didn't even kick in for me for a few months. I was happy being home with my baby and I had no time for loneliness or sadness. As far as the bonding, it took a few days up to maybe a week before it sort of clicked that the baby in my arms was the baby that had grown in me. It's hard to explain. It's not that I didn't love my babies instantly, it just didn't feel real to me for a little while. Maybe they didn't look exactly like what I had been picturing for 9 months or maybe I was just in shock that they were finally out, I don't know. At first it sort of felt like holding someone else's baby.

CLLDLL

From my limited experience with baby blues vs PPA/PPD - and I'm no Dr. - PPD/PPA strikes different women differently.

All I really got with DS was the baby blues.  They started around 4 days PP and lasted maybe two weeks.  Mostly I cried at everything and felt like I was never going to be a good mom.  Then all of sudden I was better.  I would have gone crazy during this time had I had a house guest (family or not) to deal with.    

My sis had PPA within 2 days of giving birth and she was absolutely miserable.  Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't enjoy her son.  Within two days of being on meds she was back to her normal self.  After she stopped BF'ing she didn't even need the meds, but from what I understand that's pretty rare.  During the worst of her symptoms what she wanted/needed most was someone to cook, clean, shop for her so that she could focus on bonding with baby.  My mom and I took turns doing these things a couple hours each day.

My best friend had a more severe version of PPD that started around 2 weeks PP and lasted several months.  The Brooke Sheilds book is very eye opening about symptoms, recovery, etc.  It sounded like for her, what she needed was a non-relative to help her out, show her what to do, and have faith that she would be able to do the "mommy" things on her own.

So I would say go into birth knowing the symptoms of both baby blues and PPA/PPD.  Keep an open mind about what you think you might want along the lines of help and house guests, but don't make any definite plans.  Talk with your helpers beforehand and see if they'd be willing/able to do certain things like cooking/cleaning/shopping or even staying overnight on a short notice.  GL!  

Wally3

I would think I had some baby blues and irrational crying, also ds was in the NICU and that added extra worry.  Once he came home I had times of lonelyness and saddness, and feeling over whelm.  I also was happy and content  and glad to be a mom sometimes to.  Six months seems like a long time.

WearingRed

I had baby blues for like 3 weeks and was over it before my 2 pp doc visit for sure. But I did feel like a freak for crying at nothing and had a little hard time bonding but again over it completely by 6 weeks. Sounds like she had PPD and didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

irish city girl

I was ridiculously hormonal after the birth.  I cried at everything.  I wasn't any more hormonal during pregnancy, but postpartum was a different story.  It didn't help that DS was jaundiced and had to go in for blood draws everyday for almost a week and he had to use the bili blanket.  I think feeling sad is normal or being super emotional.  Your life changes in a major way that no one can every describe completely.

Tbdempsey

Just like every pregnancy is different for every woman, every postpartum period is different.  Several of my friends got the baby blues, so I was sure that it would happen to me.  However, I can honestly say that it did not.  I was actually on the other end of the spectrum - I was overcome with joy (the Percocet may have had something to do with it .  I was definitely hormonal and would cry at commercials, and I would always look at my peaceful snuggled up baby and cry thinking about all the crack babies and just unloved babies out there.  But I never felt upset about my baby or my life.  It really is different for everyone, so don't just expect that it will happen to you.  I think that a lot of the time, you can take control of how you feel.  If you wake up determined to be happy and grateful for what you have, I think it helps a lot. Obviously, that isn't always the case, but for mild baby blues, I think you can control the severity. 

I do want to mention one thing that might help.  I was very grateful that my sister and best friend were honest with me about bonding expectations.  They told me that they had expected to immediately have this undeniable bond with their baby because that is what most people lead you to believe.  They said that although they loved their baby more than anything, they did not feel the bond that they had expected, but that it came with time.  Because I had spoken with them, I don't think I had the feelings of disappointment or failure that other mommies feel.  And I have to say that I agree with what they told me.  I did immediately love my DD more than anything in the world and wanted to do nothing other than protect her, but I did not immediately feel this super-tight bond.  But as the months went on, and she developed her little personality, our bond grew and grew, and now it is everything I dreamed of.  

You will do great!  If you get a little blue, it will pass, but don't just assume that it will happen.  Try to have the most positive outlook possible, and everything will work out!

julieklu

Thank you everyone for your support and responses to this post!! I'm not ruling out that I will get some baby blues like my friend did, but when she mentioned 6 months I was a little concerned for her. 

As for my parents coming into town, it costs about $1000 to fly here and my mom kept complaining about how much it was that I just told her to wait until she can find a "cheaper flight" (which doesn't exist) We are all alone up here meaning we will have no unexpected family stopping by to "help out" I'm happy and sad about that...but that's what happens when you're a military family!!