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Baby Names
sunshine0210
member
DH adamant about naming son after him
sunshine0210
member
in Baby Names
We are Team Green and have a girl's name picked out. When it comes to boy's names however, DH will only say yes to his name for our potential son. He brought this up when I was 5 months pregnant, even though he was open to the idea of other names before. DH is a Junior, so our child would be a Third. I don't like the fact that DH is one of 6 Joseph's on his side of the family. Everyone has a nickname. The one thing I have said from the beginning is that I don't like nichnames. DH goes by Joe and I know if we have a boy, it will be Baby Joey, or Big Joe, Little Joe, etc. I suggested we use Joseph as a middle name and he refused. Anyone else's DH not open to any name suggestions? I don't want a Baby Joey. TIA.
BFP #1 1/26/12 - M/C 2/3/12 @ 5w
BFP #2 3/2/12 - EDD Nov. 7, 2012
Baby J born 11/14/2012
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Re: DH adamant about naming son after him
Sorry. I side with your husband on this one. I feel like if he feels so strongly about carrying on a family tradition than you should honor it. Would he do the same for you?
But I do feel bad for you if you don't like the name. I would have a hard time in your shoes...but I do like the idea of baby Joey!
I truly hate Jr, I, II, III etc but in this case I don't see a compromise other than calling your son by his middle name
You have to be gentle, yet firm. Tell him that both parents must consent to a child's name and that since you do not consent, he must let go of his insistence and embrace compromise. To insist on a name against your wishes is at best childish and at worst emotionally abusive. He must compromise.
One tactic might be to emphasize how hurtful it is that he insists that your child be given three names from his family and none from yours (assuming the kids have his surname). How would he feel if the kids did not have his surname? Perhaps you could float the idea of accepting his first and middle name, but using your family's surname. If that doesn't feel right to him, he should be able to understand that his suggestion is not respectful to you.
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If he's refusing to even discuss any name but Joseph, that's pretty immature. It's a decision you should come to together. I think your suggestion of Joseph as the mn was a good compromise. What about suggesting the fn Joseph, but he will go by his middle name that you both agree on?
I guess I'm in the minority here, but I think your LO should have a name that BOTH of you choose and like. I'm all for family tradition and I love using family names, but I think you have to be happy with the name also.
ETA: Maybe I'm not in the minority here
I can't tell for sure if you're against the junioring, or just the nickname Joey, but here are my thoughts.
1. If you're against the junior, tell him so. It's both your child, and this nonsense about "my name or nothing" should not be allowed to fly. I assume he's not the only one making the call on other important decisions that affect both of you, so stand your ground.
2. If you're okay with the junior and just don't want the nickname, you can enforce Joseph. It won't be as easy as with other names (especially around family), but if you stay firm and correct people politely, he won't be called Joe/Joey. I have a cousin named Anthony who has never, ever been Tony. It can be done.
Tough one.
I hate Jr's and III's as well... I feel like it takes away from the unique identity of the child. However, in this day & age, it's not like people will only refer to or think of him as Joe Jr.'s son. He'll just be Joseph LN, except to your family, so it wouldn't be that big a deal.
Now, having said that, I would never let my DH basically "make" me use a name that I really didn't want. It's nice that he would do it for you if it was what you wanted... but then if you really don't want this name, then shouldn't he consider other options if that's what you want? You should both compromise, not just one person or the other.
Give it time, perhaps you'll come around on the name. If you don't, tell DH that you really considered it, but that you just don't want the name. Maybe by then he'll have changed his mind too? Then you can use it for the middle name & choose a first name that you both really love. It's both of your child, you should both love the name, not just one parent.
Seriously! Where the hell did half the PP come from? I'm disappointed in women right now.
I'm in the minority because I love naming traditions and I especially love III's because I really dig the nicknames Tripp and Trey.
However, your DH should not be insisting on a name you don't love. He should not be the only one with a say in this decision.
Keep talking to him. I'm w/ those who say that his stance isn't fair and what you wrote here - it's quite immature too. You're the mom. You get a say too.
Honestly, I find junior's, etc self-serving also. It's one thing to name a child after a family member in their honor (like you wanted to do for your father), it's another to think that you yourself are OH SO IMPORTANT that YOUR name must be carried on.
And cripes- the fact that you want to honor your FATHER and he's acting like this? Your DH isn't impressing me at all.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
What about Dylan Joseph or Stephen Joseph? This way BOTH of you are using a name that "means something." I don't buy the "he doesn't know why he should have to pick a name that means nothing to him" crap because essentially you would be picking a name that means nothing to your side of the family if you name him after DH. I think your DH is being unfair about this.
I think the idea of a Jr., third, etc. is outdated. I think in cases where it means alot to DH is great but I think YOU should LOVE the idea too. Most women on this board agree that you should equally love the name you choose for your child. Why should that be different in a case like this?
We picked Paige Elizabeth for a girl with Elizabeth after my grandmother and we agreed on that when I was 10 weeks along. I appreciate all the suggestions and they included some good talking points that I hope can help get him to understand where I'm coming from. Thanks for taking the time to respond.
I love family names and the special meaning. I wanted to use my husband's first name, but not middle so DS1 isn't a junior, but has has a family name.
Can you compromise by using Joseph Steven or Steven Joseph, or a first name you both like with Joseph as the mn? Dylan Joseph is cute too and DJ a great nn.
I will preface this by saying that I am quite biased when it comes to naming a child after either parent. Being Jewish, I grew up learning that we do not name children after a living relative. That said, I don't expect people to follow what my faith dictates.
My real issue with naming a child after a living parent is that I find it incredibly narcissistic. Growing up, I hated calling many of my male friends' homes, asking for the friend, and being asked, "which one?" In most families, the child already receives the father's surname. I don't see why a child cannot be given a name all his/her own for a first name.
I am taken aback by those who posted that you should do as your husband is dictating (and from your original post, it sounds as though he is dictating). You both had a part in creating your child; You both have a say in naming him/her. No one gets to demand a name.
DH is Francis IV. Even before I got pregnant with DS1, it was implied that we would continue the tradition. I never let him believe that was a possibility. When I got pregnant, the pressure really started. When we found out it was a boy, that's pretty much all his family talked about. I made it clear there were two options: 1) name him Francis but call him by a middle name that we chose, or 2) give him the middle name Francis. In the end, DH did not want to call baby by his middle name, so we named him Ethan Francis. I'm not going to lie, I feel like a huge b!tch and his family makes me feel guilty a lot. I still would never name him Francis, but I wish I didn't have to be the bad guy in the situation.
This time DH thinks he should get 99% say in the name since I killed the tradition. I can't really argue with him since I still feel bad.
This! I know it's obvious this is a tender subject for him, but just as you shouldn't say "I'm naming my child this name no discussion!" He shouldn't do that to you. I feel like that's wrong on so many levels.
I agree with all of this. He needs to grow up. I also like the idea of going by his middle name if Joseph is his first name to go with tradition and he absolutely will NOT budge. I know a few people who are Jr.'s that go by their middle names.
All of this.
For real. This topic comes up regularly, and makes me super mad. If they want more Joes, they should reproduce with each other.
It is completely inappropriate for your husband to insist on one name; you made this baby together and you get to name him/her together. It sounds like it's time to tell him that baby's name is NOT going to be Joseph, and that you'd appreciate it if he'd start brainstorming names with you.
Some of these responses make me want to bang my head on my desk.
This is her baby as well and she should be able to nix a name regardless of how much he wants it. Throwing a temper tantrum doesnt mean she should give in.
How about HE listens to HER perspective.
All of this.
Seriously.
I am not a fan of this tradition in the slightest. I agree with previous posters that it is a narcissistic trend - he already has your DH's last name, and now he needs his first name as well? No.
My personal feelings aside, the OP doesn't like the name. If she had posted saying that her DH wanted to name their DS Jayden or Rocket or whatever other atrocious name, the advice offered in this thread would be a LOT different. But because the name is after DH, she's supposed to bend to his will?
OP - if you don't like the name, then stand firm. You have to like the name of your child, period.
Good luck!
DS: June 2012
MC: July 2015 8w5d
Uh, she was not harsh at all. It's rude to call someone harsh when she took the time to type out a thoughtful response. To be honest, your DH sounds a bit ridiculous if he wants to give his full name to your baby and is ignoring your feelings in all of this. He's already passing on his last name; if you do not like the idea of using his FN an MN as well he should move on or go with the original name you had decided.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
Your DH doesn't get to be adamant- he gets to have an equal say. In fact the edge should really go to you, since you're the one who has to carry and give birth to the baby. If I were you, I'd tell him that as soon as he can create life and give birth without your involvement, he can decide on a name without your input. Don't give in to his tantrum.
Also, no one here was harsh. Instead of lashing out at innocent people, perhaps you should lash out at the man causing you stress with his unreasonable demands.
If he suddenly changed his mind and is now insisting on continuing the family tradition, it makes me think someone in his family has been in his ear about it.
He's a junior, right? When did his father pass? Did he ever experience all the downsides of having an entirely shared name?
My DH is a II, yep, FIL went right on to assume there would be a III and didn't even junior him. Even when we lived 5,000 miles away from him there were issues with accounts getting mixed up, DMV only having one file etc. Their birthdays are not close, social security number (which you wouldn't have a way of knowing ahead of time) or phone number. And these places usually use DOB or SSN as an indicator of identity and yet there have still been errors. Mail gets mixed up. Debt collectors calling etc. It's even affected DH's credit.
I would complain about the comments stating that it's narcissist to name child after himself when you clearly explain it's mostly after LO's grandfather and the fact that there is a family tradition, but your post title does make it sound like it's all about your DH.
Honestly, I think the issue of wanting to honor your father and he wanting to honor his father are equal. You both get one name. Decide the order and if you want Little Joey or Little Stephen. Deciding who and how to honor is not so different than most people experience in the naming process. But for DH to be so resistant to anything other than a first and middle name concept is too much. And honestly, it might have been narcissist of FIL to do that to your DH, after all, your MIL might have had a name of her own she liked.