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Oh yeah, the backpack update

Sorry, I meant to update yesterday about the backpack debacle but got sidetracked with all the Cheer stuff.

Sure enough, K was using the new backpack yesterday when I picked her up from school.  When my husband got home he asked why she was switching backpacks and she said, "Mommy wants me to use this one when I'm with you guys and my old one with her".  This makes no sense.  You'd think she would want K using the crappy falling apart backpack with us so that she could use the new one with BM.  He asked K what she wants to do because he doesn't like the idea of her switching backpacks every day.  She started crying and said she wants to use the new one but Mommy doesn't want her to.  He told K that he's sure BM "has her reasons" and that he would talk with her and see what they can work out.  Of course BM wasn't at Gma's at drop-off so he text her asking about the backpack.  No response.  So it looks like the backpack will continue to be switched out every single day.

I know it's just a backpack and it's silly to be upset about it.  But at the same time, it's a backpack lady.  Let go a bit and let the kid be happy with what she picked out and stop forcing her to use tattered supplies just so you can portray whatever image it is you're trying to portray.

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Re: Oh yeah, the backpack update

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    That woman is infuriating. I genuinely feel for you. 

    I've always suspected that BD took away DS's stuffed puppy & blankie while at his house in order to have him use his own. Of course this completely defeats the purpose of having security items but BD thinks he knows best just b/c he and DS both have penises.

    So yeah, you aren't alone in dealing with the completely irrational no matter the effect on the child type of birth parent. 

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    imagewendilea:
    FFS, it's a backpack.  When you start trading stuff out every day, things are going to get lost.  What a stupid thing to argue over.

    That's kind of my husband's point with her.  Having K switch out her backpack every day is going to develop poor school habits.  Things are going to get lost, forgotten, torn, etc.  Yesterday when I picked her up from school and she was doing homework, she didn't have her pencil box because she left it in her other backpack.  We have tons of pencils and crayons at the house so it's not as though she couldn't finish the assignment.  The first time she was forced to switch out backpacks, she didn't have something she needed.

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    imagejobalchak:

    imagewendilea:
    FFS, it's a backpack.  When you start trading stuff out every day, things are going to get lost.  What a stupid thing to argue over.

    That's kind of my husband's point with her.  Having K switch out her backpack every day is going to develop poor school habits.  Things are going to get lost, forgotten, torn, etc.  Yesterday when I picked her up from school and she was doing homework, she didn't have her pencil box because she left it in her other backpack.  We have tons of pencils and crayons at the house so it's not as though she couldn't finish the assignment.  The first time she was forced to switch out backpacks, she didn't have something she needed.

     

    Does BM want K to have an unsuccessful year? She so crazy.. She seriously has issues picking her battles. Is there some way you guys can dispose of the gross backpack? There's got to be a way around this ridiculous nonsense BM pulls.. Poor K feeling manipulated by BM and having to cry over a backpack :(.

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    imagetwister22:
    imagejobalchak:

    imagewendilea:
    FFS, it's a backpack.  When you start trading stuff out every day, things are going to get lost.  What a stupid thing to argue over.

    That's kind of my husband's point with her.  Having K switch out her backpack every day is going to develop poor school habits.  Things are going to get lost, forgotten, torn, etc.  Yesterday when I picked her up from school and she was doing homework, she didn't have her pencil box because she left it in her other backpack.  We have tons of pencils and crayons at the house so it's not as though she couldn't finish the assignment.  The first time she was forced to switch out backpacks, she didn't have something she needed.

     

    Does BM want K to have an unsuccessful year? She so crazy.. She seriously has issues picking her battles. Is there some way you guys can dispose of the gross backpack? There's got to be a way around this ridiculous nonsense BM pulls.. Poor K feeling manipulated by BM and having to cry over a backpack :(.

    Unfortunately since BM is the one who takes K to school in the mornings, the only way to switch out and dispose of the gross one would be for us to have a different backpack and then me go to the school on Monday or Wednesday morning and swap the stuff out.  So in essence, I'd be doing the same dumb crap that BM is doing.  All we can really do is tell K that her using the old backpack doesn't hurt our feelings or make us upset with her, and hopefully K won't feel conflicted or anything,  We just really don't want her switching out supplies everyday and developing bad habits.

    Heck, as an adult I've had to stop switching out purses so frequently because I was always leaving chapstick, mail, receipts, etc in one purse and then couldn't find things.  I can't imagine how tough it is on a 6 year old.

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    seriously?!?! If I were DH I would call and have a serious conversation with BM about this. the fact that she is making SUCH a big deal about it is ridiculous!! does she not care about her childs feelings?!

    FWIW our BM decided SD doesn't need a new backpack this year (for whatever reason) so when DS was showing SD his backpack for school she got really upset she didn't get a new one. irritating that BM can get her hair and nails done all the time buy can't buy the kid a new backpack. Today was SD's first day of school, DH met her off the bus, if BM still didn't get her a new backpack by today we will be bringing her this weekend to get a new one.  frustrating that we already fork over a TON of money for SD, and still have to do stuff like this on top of it but hopefully BM just thanks us and calls it a day...

                           
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    This is super childish and sneaky but is there a small hole/tear somewhere that could...somehow...get bigger? (when SD isn't looking of course) This way she wouldn't be able to use the old one anymore. Or would BM just duct tape it or something to prove whatever ridiculous point she's trying to make?
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    imageholly71087:

    seriously?!?! If I were DH I would call and have a serious conversation with BM about this. the fact that she is making SUCH a big deal about it is ridiculous!! does she not care about her childs feelings?!

    FWIW our BM decided SD doesn't need a new backpack this year (for whatever reason) so when DS was showing SD his backpack for school she got really upset she didn't get a new one. irritating that BM can get her hair and nails done all the time buy can't buy the kid a new backpack. Today was SD's first day of school, DH met her off the bus, if BM still didn't get her a new backpack by today we will be bringing her this weekend to get a new one.  frustrating that we already fork over a TON of money for SD, and still have to do stuff like this on top of it but hopefully BM just thanks us and calls it a day...

    If the old backpack wasn't falling apart, we seriously would not care if K was using an it.  But we bought her the new one because we knew the old one was tattered and fraying.  We don't mind making sure K has new things and providing for her, but it's frustrating to see that she's being forced to use old things when we all know there's a new backpack/shoes/clothes readily available to her. 

    Since BM refuses to discuss it with him, my husband is going to mention something to the teacher on Friday.  He feels that if he approaches the subject from an academic point of view, maybe the teacher will nicely ask BM to just stick with one backpack, whichever backpack it may be.

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    imagejobalchak:
    imageholly71087:

    seriously?!?! If I were DH I would call and have a serious conversation with BM about this. the fact that she is making SUCH a big deal about it is ridiculous!! does she not care about her childs feelings?!

    FWIW our BM decided SD doesn't need a new backpack this year (for whatever reason) so when DS was showing SD his backpack for school she got really upset she didn't get a new one. irritating that BM can get her hair and nails done all the time buy can't buy the kid a new backpack. Today was SD's first day of school, DH met her off the bus, if BM still didn't get her a new backpack by today we will be bringing her this weekend to get a new one.  frustrating that we already fork over a TON of money for SD, and still have to do stuff like this on top of it but hopefully BM just thanks us and calls it a day...

    If the old backpack wasn't falling apart, we seriously would not care if K was using an it.  But we bought her the new one because we knew the old one was tattered and fraying.  We don't mind making sure K has new things and providing for her, but it's frustrating to see that she's being forced to use old things when we all know there's a new backpack/shoes/clothes readily available to her. 

    Since BM refuses to discuss it with him, my husband is going to mention something to the teacher on Friday.  He feels that if he approaches the subject from an academic point of view, maybe the teacher will nicely ask BM to just stick with one backpack, whichever backpack it may be.

    I agree with you.  to be honest we don't know what condition SD's backpack is in since BM refuses to send it to our house.  She will meet DH and SD at the bus stop and take the backpack home with her so it doesn't come to our house. But lets be serious, a new backpack is like $20, I really don't understand why the kid can't get a new one at the beginning of the school year, ya know?

    I just hope that if we DO get SD a new backpack she doesn't try to pull the same stunt your BM is.

    Great idea to talk to the teacher about it.  she might have noticed it already, or if SD is upset about it maybe she mentioned it to the teacher.  sucks to have to get the teacher in the middle of it, especially this early in the year, but at least she will know what she  has gotten herself into!

                           
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    BM is being a biotch and crazy but why for the second time are you guys pushing the issue with K and making her cry over it? He knew what her answer was, that bout of crying was not caused by BM, it was caused by him. Why does he need to ask K, make her cry and then try to be the hero to talk to BM? I know he is not being the crazy one about the backpack but you guys or DH need to back off and stop makin the kid feel worse than her Mom already did. Talk to BM but keep the kid out of it.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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    On a practical matter, your aside about switching purses gave me an idea that might help K.

    There is a product out there - Purkeeps - or something like that - that is an insert for your purse.  Basically, it keeps your keys, wallet, glasses, etc. in an insert, and when you switch handbags, you just have to switch the insert.  I don't remember the name, but if you google "purse organizer" there are many choices at Amazon.com and organizing stores.

    I don't remember if your H talks to BM or not.  If he does, then why doesn't he just ask her if there is a reason why she wants K to have two backpacks?  In a "it might be more helpful if she only had to keep track of one...." way, vs. "why are you being such an *ss" way. 

    I do agree that asking K about things she has absolutely no control over (and you know bothers her) is not helping her in the least.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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    imageLittlejen22:
    BM is being a biotch and crazy but why for the second time are you guys pushing the issue with K and making her cry over it? He knew what her answer was, that bout of crying was not caused by BM, it was caused by him. Why does he need to ask K, make her cry and then try to be the hero to talk to BM? I know he is not being the crazy one about the backpack but you guys or DH need to back off and stop makin the kid feel worse than her Mom already did. Talk to BM but keep the kid out of it.

    Since he wasn't the one who talked to K on Monday at school, he wanted the opportunity to speak with her directly.  That way, he could speak with BM about what K told him, not what she told me.  If he talks to BM about what K tells me, then it's just hearsay.  In the past we've had several issues where my husband has tried to discuss something that K told me with BM and she refuses to talk to him about things he "didn't hear from the horse's mouth" and accused me of making things up.  Monday the story was that BM didn't let her use the new backpack, on Tuesday the story was that BM is making her switch out the backpack each day.  Had he confronted BM on just the not allowing K to use the backpack issue, then she would have said, "but see? She's using it now.", and then there would need to be the discussion about making her switch backpacks every day.  We're not trying to make K "feel bad", we're trying to figure what is going on so that my husband knows the next step to take.

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    imageWahoo:

    On a practical matter, your aside about switching purses gave me an idea that might help K.

    There is a product out there - Purkeeps - or something like that - that is an insert for your purse.  Basically, it keeps your keys, wallet, glasses, etc. in an insert, and when you switch handbags, you just have to switch the insert.  I don't remember the name, but if you google "purse organizer" there are many choices at Amazon.com and organizing stores.

    I don't remember if your H talks to BM or not.  If he does, then why doesn't he just ask her if there is a reason why she wants K to have two backpacks?  In a "it might be more helpful if she only had to keep track of one...." way, vs. "why are you being such an *ss" way

    I do agree that asking K about things she has absolutely no control over (and you know bothers her) is not helping her in the least.

    He tried texting her and emailing her about the backpack issue.  All he said was that he thinks having K switch out her backpack every day is teaching her poor habits, and cited the issue with her forgetting her pencil box in the other backpack.  He asked if K could possibly just stick with using one backpack as to avoid losing or forgetting important supplies.  No mention was made regarding which backpack to use, just to stick with one backpack.  She never responded.  That's why he's going to speak with the teacher about it and see if she has any suggestions, or if K can just leave her important supplies in class so that we don't have a repeat of forgetting things.

    I'll have to look into the purse organizer thing for me.  Goodness knows with my preggo brain I'm misplacing stuff all the time now!

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    imagejobalchak:

    imageLittlejen22:
    BM is being a biotch and crazy but why for the second time are you guys pushing the issue with K and making her cry over it? He knew what her answer was, that bout of crying was not caused by BM, it was caused by him. Why does he need to ask K, make her cry and then try to be the hero to talk to BM? I know he is not being the crazy one about the backpack but you guys or DH need to back off and stop makin the kid feel worse than her Mom already did. Talk to BM but keep the kid out of it.

    Since he wasn't the one who talked to K on Monday at school, he wanted the opportunity to speak with her directly.  That way, he could speak with BM about what K told him, not what she told me.  If he talks to BM about what K tells me, then it's just hearsay.  In the past we've had several issues where my husband has tried to discuss something that K told me with BM and she refuses to talk to him about things he "didn't hear from the horse's mouth" and accused me of making things up.  Monday the story was that BM didn't let her use the new backpack, on Tuesday the story was that BM is making her switch out the backpack each day.  Had he confronted BM on just the not allowing K to use the backpack issue, then she would have said, "but see? She's using it now.", and then there would need to be the discussion about making her switch backpacks every day.  We're not trying to make K "feel bad", we're trying to figure what is going on so that my husband knows the next step to take.

    Seriously, rip the *** up. The backpack, not BM. Do you have a four legged friend at home? Toddler? Can you spill something completely heinous on it? Would your washing machine eat it? There has to be something that can get rid of the backpack from hell. 

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    imagekllrbnny:

    Seriously, rip the *** up. The backpack, not BM. Do you have a four legged friend at home? Toddler? Can you spill something completely heinous on it? Would your washing machine eat it? There has to be something that can get rid of the backpack from hell. 

    Hahahaha funny you should mention the four-legged friend.  We were discussing yesterday how he never seems to destroy the things we dislike or want to get rid of, only the stuff we love.  

    As I posted previously, I don't want to stoop to BM's level and vandalize the backpack or force the swap.  Plus, the tattered and fraying one is only being used when K isn't with us so it doesn't come here at all.  The main resolution we want to see is for K to not be switching out backpacks everyday.

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    How infuriating!  I know you don't want to stoop to her level, but didn't she throw out the ones you bought last year?  If it were me, I think it would be time I repaid the favor and make the old tattered one disappear.  Poor K.  What is she doing to this kid?  Argh!
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    FET 4/28/2015 - Transferred 1 M embie. 5/6/15 BFP!

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    FWIW, a few years ago we had a similar incident. Both households purchased new backpacks, and we were both stubborn about it. So the kids switched backpacks from one week to the next. (Yes, I will admit it was petty, but that's where we were at the time.) It didn't pose any major problems, and it didn't negatively impact study skills, etc. Its really not hard to move stuff from one bag to another. 

    I mean, I get that BM is being pretty shittty about this (esp considering previous school supply incidents), but I dont think its a hill to die on. I would recommend shaking your head at her dumb power play and moving on.

    ETA: Also, please do not get the teacher involved. Most school districts have a policy to stay out of this type of argument, and it will not paint YH in a pretty light. 

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    Aww. Poor K.  That is heartbreaking.  Petty nonsense is infuriating.  Luck to you.
    Ectopic Pregnancy * December 2008 Miscarriage/D&C * June 29, 2012
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    imageOoglybear:

    FWIW, a few years ago we had a similar incident. Both households purchased new backpacks, and we were both stubborn about it. So the kids switched backpacks from one week to the next. (Yes, I will admit it was petty, but that's where we were at the time.) It didn't pose any major problems, and it didn't negatively impact study skills, etc. Its really not hard to move stuff from one bag to another. 

    I mean, I get that BM is being pretty shittty about this (esp considering previous school supply incidents), but I dont think its a hill to die on. I would recommend shaking your head at her dumb power play and moving on.

    ETA: Also, please do not get the teacher involved. Most school districts have a policy to stay out of this type of argument, and it will not paint YH in a pretty light. 

    Problem is, the first time BM made her swirtch backpacks, K forgot her pencil box in the other backpack.  The second time it happened (yesterday), K forgot to switch over her homework folder.  I really think asking a 6 year old to switch backpacks every day is unnecessary.  Maybe if she was only doing it once a week like in your situation, it wouldn't be so bad. 

    As for getting the teacher involved, last night was Back to School Night and the teacher made a comment about K "not being prepared".  BM of course put the blame on K saying that she's "forgetful".  You horrible wretched woman, you're the one causing the issue!!  My husband and I were so disgusted by her response and blaming of the 6 year old.  Today when I took my daughter to school I stopped in K's class and gave her teacher a stocked pencil box and a couple folders to keep in K's cubby.  If BM insists on making her switch backpacks everyday, at least we can make sure that K has back-up supplies in class.

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    imagejobalchak:

    Problem is, the first time BM made her swirtch backpacks, K forgot her pencil box in the other backpack.  The second time it happened (yesterday), K forgot to switch over her homework folder.  I really think asking a 6 year old to switch backpacks every day is unnecessary.  Maybe if she was only doing it once a week like in your situation, it wouldn't be so bad. 

    As for getting the teacher involved, last night was Back to School Night and the teacher made a comment about K "not being prepared".  BM of course put the blame on K saying that she's "forgetful".  You horrible wretched woman, you're the one causing the issue!!  My husband and I were so disgusted by her response and blaming of the 6 year old.  Today when I took my daughter to school I stopped in K's class and gave her teacher a stocked pencil box and a couple folders to keep in K's cubby.  If BM insists on making her switch backpacks everyday, at least we can make sure that K has back-up supplies in class.

    I know K really like her new backpack, but could you put it to use for something else right now? Until the old backpack finally wears through. If its as thread-worn as it sounds then it probably won't be long. I understand the frustration w/BM's completely irrational behavior but if it is already causing problems that the teacher is bringing up then something has to be done. If K isn't switching into the new backpack then she won't be forced to switch into the old one.

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    imagekllrbnny:
    imagejobalchak:

    Problem is, the first time BM made her swirtch backpacks, K forgot her pencil box in the other backpack.  The second time it happened (yesterday), K forgot to switch over her homework folder.  I really think asking a 6 year old to switch backpacks every day is unnecessary.  Maybe if she was only doing it once a week like in your situation, it wouldn't be so bad. 

    As for getting the teacher involved, last night was Back to School Night and the teacher made a comment about K "not being prepared".  BM of course put the blame on K saying that she's "forgetful".  You horrible wretched woman, you're the one causing the issue!!  My husband and I were so disgusted by her response and blaming of the 6 year old.  Today when I took my daughter to school I stopped in K's class and gave her teacher a stocked pencil box and a couple folders to keep in K's cubby.  If BM insists on making her switch backpacks everyday, at least we can make sure that K has back-up supplies in class.

    I know K really like her new backpack, but could you put it to use for something else right now? Until the old backpack finally wears through. If its as thread-worn as it sounds then it probably won't be long. I understand the frustration w/BM's completely irrational behavior but if it is already causing problems that the teacher is bringing up then something has to be done. If K isn't switching into the new backpack then she won't be forced to switch into the old one.

    Both backpacks are at Gma's, and it's really not worth fighting about.  BM is going to do what she wants, so we just have to deal with it.  Our main concern was the constant switching back and forth and K forgetting and losing things.  Now with a back-up set at school, even if K forgets something then she'll still have it in class.  The teacher made it clear that she will not allow K to remove the back-up supplies from class as to avoid this same issue later on.  I think the teacher already figured out the games that BM is playing and school's only been in session for 4 days.  That's got to be some sort of record.

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    imagejobalchak:

    Both backpacks are at Gma's, and it's really not worth fighting about.  BM is going to do what she wants, so we just have to deal with it.  Our main concern was the constant switching back and forth and K forgetting and losing things.  Now with a back-up set at school, even if K forgets something then she'll still have it in class.  The teacher made it clear that she will not allow K to remove the back-up supplies from class as to avoid this same issue later on.  I think the teacher already figured out the games that BM is playing and school's only been in session for 4 days.  That's got to be some sort of record.

    Lolz, I'm sure this isn't the teacher's first rodeo with crazypants divorced parents. I'm glad you guys were able to find a solution to keep K prepared at least. In the meantime, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that the old backpack soon finds its way to that great locker in the sky. 

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    Poor K! :( I seriously want to slap the you-know-what out of this woman. I have no clue how you can deal with her!! You are a great SM!! Smile  K is lucky to have you.


    BFP #1 ended in MMC. Discovered Oct 2005 @10w5d, baby stopped growing around 6w. D&C.
    BFP#2 Nov 2005. Baby's heart stopped @ 8w3d. D&C Jan 2006. Trisomy 18
    BFP#3 Nov 2006. My "miracle baby" DD born 7/25/07
    BFP #4 11/6/12. EDD 7/16/13~my birthday! No sac found @ 5w1d, betas not increasing. Natural m/c started 11/20/12.

    BFP#5 11/9/13.  EDD 7/21/14  Our beautiful rainbow born on his due date!!

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