Life Insurance
HisChamaoleGirl
member
I just saw another post on another board and it got me thinking. When DH was divorced from BM she wanted it to be a requirement that SS was the recepient of a million dollar life insurance policy. DH was about to leave for another deployment and this never made it to their agreement. Her lawyer, and his, said there was no way she could hold him to this.
Anyway, we just purchased a home and we have been receiving many notices to get a life insurance policy on DH so the home will be paid for in full in the event of death. This got me thinking as I am the beneficiary. The current policy he has will just about cover the whole amount of our home. But that would leave nothing to give to BM for SS.
If DH doesnt have a will or hasnt expressed how he would want his child taken care of would you as the SM feel a responsibility to support his child? Would you want visitation with your step child in return for the support?
Only the first two paragraphs are my situation, but I was wondering what you ladies thought about the third.
Re: Life Insurance
DH is looking into another life insurance policy and updating his will that he wants me to be the beneficiary and to continue paying X amount of "child support" to BM on a monthly basis. He did not want to make BM the beneficiary bc he is worried she may spend it all at once and then come to me asking for more. He also wanted to add that he would like SS to continue visiting with me to get a chance to know any siblings he may have. How well do you think that would stand in court?
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
it sounds right!.. i would want to continue visitation i would want my SS and my Children to continue their relationship.
And yes we would have same issue. BM would spend it all and give nothing to my SS.. so it sounds right. and if they are close to 18 .. maybe put something in there that says.. they can have X amount of money for college.. expenses etc.. per month/year or something to that sort.
Since it wouldn't legally be child support he should add a clause that the money is contingent on visitation. It would have a decent chance of standing up in court but there are a lot of factors involved.
To answer the initial question: I think it would probably depend. BM makes a ton of money, way more than I do right now and once I start my career it will still take a while to catch up. Plus she only has the one, I'll have 3. I think that I would be most likely to put aside a certain amount of money in a high yield savings account specifically for SD to be used for college or any medical emergencies that may come up. Something of that nature rather than monthly contributions.
If DH wanted me to continue on the same payment schedule there is now I would and I think I'd be fine with it.
As for visitation, DH has an irregular schedule so there is no regular visitation with us, there would be no leg for me to stand on in court. But I know that I'd be able to go see SD at MIL's house b/c she's there pretty much EOWE.
This exact scenario OP is asking about has been in discussion between DH and I over the last week, and obviously we will have to consult lawyers,etc. but here is my question and answer based on what little I know.
With minor children involved. If a NCP dies, besides any life insurance polices where the kids are listed, is there anything else they receive like Social Security?
I would LOVE to continue visitation with SKs if God forbid anything happened to DH. I know this would not happen. A) I don't have any children and we aren't going to have any children. So no siblings for them to continue a relationship with
BM would never allow me in their life if she didn't have to, hell she barely allows their dad.
As for compensation for the kids - I think some sort of trust is where DH is leaning so that the kids will have access instead of their mother at a certain age.
we will be drafting up wills and re-addressing our life insurance when LO is born. right now DH has a $200k life insurance policy in BM's name for SD, she also has one in his name for the same amount for SD. This is per their divorce agreement.
Since there is no will or trust or anything if DH dies BM gets $200k to do whatever she wants with. (we need to re-address when we go back to court go get it set up into a trust to pay out weekly CS)
Since we do have children there will be wording in the will that we continue DH's visitation with SD so she can have a relationship with her siblings if he passes. If DH passed away I would be willing to bet a ton of money that BM will fight us on this, but I will be willing to fight. without having it in a will we stand very little chance of being successful from what I have read.
This is what we did.
First, children under 18 cannot inheirt.(Sp sucks today). Because of this stupid law, BM was able to steal (she says she lost it in bad investing, but DH follows the market) $26,000 from the kids.
So we have set it up, that every cent comes to me and I will ensure that SS and SD get their fair share. And by every cent, I mean a goodly sum - we follow Suze Orman.
Second, once he retires, he can get SBP just for the kids. It is cheaper on a monthly scale but pays out the same amount (to be dived by the two kids for a time) until the child reaches 21 - at 18 the money goes directly to the kid.
We originally had a trust, but BM made comments about breaking trusts...
And since there is no way she can break our will the way we wrote it now....
Social Security does pay a monthly death benefit to minor children. A friend of mine was never married to her child's father and he commited suicide about a year after they separated. Her daughter still gets her father's Social Security. Social Security also pays a death benefit for someone paying for a the person's minor child (not sure if it had to be a spouse or not).
https://www.socialsecurity.gov/pubs/10085.html#a0=4
If you look at the statements you should get yearly from the social security office it tells you the amounts but there is a max amount per family and if you reach that max they split it by # of children & caregiver (not sure if more than one caregiver can claim). I actually worry about if something happened to DH how his social security would be split. It seems like BM would be getting more of it then our household would even though I would be entitled to spousal benefits.
Currently DH doesn't have a real life insurance policy since his company doesn't offer it. We haven't looked into getting one outside of his new job. I have a small spouse policy for him through my work but that is only $20,000 which is the max allowed.
First: check with your State laws regarding Estates/Trusts. Second, pay the money to have an attorney write everything up so that it's done correctly.
My husband and I set up our estate planning this way: When the first spouse dies, the surviving spouse receives 1/2 the policy amount and the remaining 1/2 is put into a Trust for the kids. When the last remaining spouse dies, the entire policy is put into the Trust for the kids. The kids will receive no direct distributions until they reach the age of 25. The Trust will pay educational expenses directly to the school, and only to the child after the child submits receipts for what was paid out of pocket. The Trust will maintain all health insurance for the kids until they reach the age of 19 (which is the oldest they can be in CA). If K isn't 18 when my husband passes away, there are 2 choices for K: 1) The Trust will pay BM the current monthly CS amount each month until K turns 18 and this amount will be deducted from K's share of the Trust; or 2) BM can waive the CS and let K have her money when she's ready for it. Each child's educational expenses will be deducted from their share of the Trust, and the Trust will be split equally among them all. Even after the kids turn 25, their distributions will be done monthly as to avoid a large chunk all at once. Basically the kids will get an allowance until they turn 30 and then whatever (if anything) is left will be paid out in it's entirety.
I know that the aforementioned plan seems incredibly controlling and complicated, but since BM and BD can't be trusted with any money we felt this was the best way to protect the kids' interests after we're gone.
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DH has a separate term life insurance policy for SS as that is what is agreed upon in his CO with BM. She has the same.
If that were not the case, no I wouldn't feel obligated or responsible to take care of SS in the event of DH's passing, but I probably would do it because of the love I have for SS. I would NOT pay it out as child support to BM but put it in a trust or find some other way to take care of his needs. I would like visitation, especially if DH and I have other children in the future, but I wouldn't demand it as a condition of any support that I would give him.
TTC 10/11. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!
I am not sure in which state I would research into. DH is from a territory, I am from a state and the military has us moving every three years or so.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
How is the bolded enforced? I am curious because does BM have to show DH that she is in fact paying for a life insurance policy that makes SS the beneficiary. DHs lawyer and BMs lawyer said that they could not have this in their CO but that could just be where their CO was established.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
DH has two separate policies. One pays out to me on his death, the other funds a trust for SD's. His family (Dad & brother?) are the trustees until the children reach a certain age (25? I don't remember all the details). I don't want to deal with BM and any accusations of theft or manipulation, so I was left out of the trust set-up entirely.
Their CO was written in a way that each parent is supposed to maintain their own life insurance policy that pays out to SD's. DH has asked her to provide evidence that she has maintained the policy, but BM refuses. We're 99% sure that she's dropped it. We keep paying ours because its the right thing to do.