Let's discuss child leashes/harness

Que*Syrah

I'm sure it's been discussed to death, but I need a board full of internet strangers to validate my parenting decision

DS is a runner. Not only is he a runner, but he's starting to want to walk rather than ride in the stroller. He fights it hard- kicking and crying. I also don't think it's really fair that he has to be cooped up in a stroller all day.  But when I'm alone with him, it's so difficult to get him to stay with me. Before anyone judges my parenting skills, the rule has always been an automatic loss of privileges for running away. He immediately goes in the cart, stroller, my arms, whatever is available.

But I'm beginning to wonder if the leash isn't a good compromise between safety and independence. I mean, it's okay to strap your kid into a stroller and push them for safety/convenience sake but not a harness? What's the difference? 

 

kcisthebombdotcom

I like harnesses. I have used them on occasion with both of my kids when they were younger when we're going somewhere crowded and I have the two of them alone by myself.

With that being said, it's a seldom thing (like once every 3-6 months) and not for our everyday outings. If he's still not listening to you regularly at 2.5, I would continue focusing on the lesson of if you don't listen, you don't walk. I think using a harness can hinder that lesson being taught IMO.

00jennifer00

I truly don't see what the big deal is about a harness.  We have one (somewhere...) and have used it on the oldest 3.  I should have been using it on #3 this whole last year as he had developed into quite the little runner, but he's doing a fabulous job holding hands with my almost 9yo when we're out and about.  You aren't dragging your LO with it, and it's not some wacked political statement "I think my child is a dog", kwim?  I just don't see anything wrong with it.

peacelove&mama

I had a harness for DS when he was a toddler. Like your son, he was a runner. He hated being in the stroller, and while it was one thing if we were some place quiet, but completely different at say, the town fair.

I got a LOT of dirty looks, and comments about putting my son on a "leash". But in the end, I'm his mother, and I made the decision to give him a little freedom to explore, and enable us all the enjoy our day, rather than him screaming and being angry, and me getting frustrated or cutting our outing short because he didn't want to be in his stroller.

I don't think there is anything wrong with them. And I agree, I don't see much of a difference between strapping them in a stroller, and attaching them to a backpack harness.

Que*Syrah

KC_13:

I like harnesses. I have used them on occasion with both of my kids when they were younger when we're going somewhere crowded and I have the two of them alone by myself.

With that being said, it's a seldom thing (like once every 3-6 months) and not for our everyday outings. If he's still not listening to you regularly at 2.5, I would continue focusing on the lesson of if you don't listen, you don't walk. I think using a harness can hinder that lesson being taught IMO.

It's not a regular thing that he runs anymore, but it does happen. I was thinking of using it at the zoo and the local theme park. That's where he most wants out of the stroller and is prone to running off.

Mrs.Hizzo

There is no difference. You're his mother and you know him best. If you feel there's a genuine safety concern and that he could get lost or run into a dangerous situation, then get one of those cute little backpacks with a monkey tail leash and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. You aren't going to use it forever, after all. I never needed one because my kids are not runners, but if one of them was, I'd have gotten one in a heartbeat.

kcisthebombdotcom

Que_Syrah:

KC_13:

I like harnesses. I have used them on occasion with both of my kids when they were younger when we're going somewhere crowded and I have the two of them alone by myself.

With that being said, it's a seldom thing (like once every 3-6 months) and not for our everyday outings. If he's still not listening to you regularly at 2.5, I would continue focusing on the lesson of if you don't listen, you don't walk. I think using a harness can hinder that lesson being taught IMO.

It's not a regular thing that he runs anymore, but it does happen. I was thinking of using it at the zoo and the local theme park. That's where he most wants out of the stroller and is prone to running off.

In that instance I think it's a great idea.

I just think that sometimes people overuse them and it takes away from teaching. I remember last year we went to story time at the library and a mom there used one with her child every single time she went. It's like if you need a harness to keep track of your 2 year old at the library, there's something really wrong there.

Que*Syrah

I was discussing it with a friend yesterday and she told me it's lazy parenting. She knows my rule about running and has seen him have to go into the stroller or be carried because he ran away. So I asked her if she is against harnesses, and she knows I take away privileges for running...what else can I do?

She told me not to take him places where I feel like I need the leash until he can stay with me and not run  I just wonder what someone who doesn't believe in leashes suggests someone with a runner do to help the situation.

PurpleDrewbie5

KC_13:

In that instance I think it's a great idea.

I just think that sometimes people overuse them and it takes away from teaching. I remember last year we went to story time at the library and a mom there used one with her child every single time she went. It's like if you need a harness to keep track of your 2 year old at the library, there's something really wrong there.

 I don't think it's a big deal for the zoo or amusement park. I doubt that I will ever use one but who knows. I wouldn't side eye a mom in a big, busy place with her toddler on a harness.

However, I went to lunch the other day with a friend who's daughter is almost 2 and a few other people. The little girl wouldn't sit in her seat and was running ALL over the restaurant. She even choked on her food because she was eating and running. The mom said something like "I wish I had my harness leash with me, that would keep track of her."- Um no, you need to teach your daughter to sit down at the table to eat and to listen.

If you need to use it for safety, awesome, do it. If you want it because you're lazy, (which is obviously not the case OP) no.

Dochas

Que_Syrah:

I was discussing it with a friend yesterday and she told me it's lazy parenting. She knows my rule about running and has seen him have to go into the stroller or be carried because he ran away. So I asked her if she is against harnesses, and she knows I take away privileges for running...what else can I do?

She told me not to take him places where I feel like I need the leash until he can stay with me and not run I just wonder what someone who doesn't believe in leashes suggests someone with a runner do to help the situation.

Take away privileges for running and not take him places where I needed the leash until he could stay with me and not run.

That's seriously what I'm doing.  But I don't judge people that use them harshly.  Particularly at airports, disney, multiple unruly children.  I wouldn't judge you either, it's really not something I care about.  But I don't see the need for one especially with just one child.

 

trizzie

I had one for DS.  He was 2, had a speech delay and was a RUNNER. And I was super pregnant.  I only used it at the zoo and airport (or any other busy place like that). It worked great - he loved his puppy backpack and I knew he was safe (because Lord knows I was SLOW).  With DD, I would never have a use for it because she is not a runner and will listen to me when I tell her to stay with me (and prefers to hold my hand).  Some kids need them, some don't.  After DS was able to communicate a little better and listen better - we didn't need it anymore, but it worked well for us when we did need it!

12bailey18

I think they are great for around 18 months. They want their freedom to explore but yet haven't figured out boundaries or 'danger' LOL. We used a harness with DS on vacations and airports around that age. When he was 2 and DD was a baby I had one in my carry on at that airport just incase I needed it. I never did. Once DS turned 2 he really understood to stay by me and he wasn't a runner. No idea how DD will be but I am not afraid to use one! 

HarrietNJMommy

I haven't used one, but I have no issues with them.

NerdyMama2

When we went to DisneyWorld with DS when he turned 2, we put a harness on him because we were afraid he'd get lost in the crowd. We still use it if we're going somewhere with a lot of people.

penguingrrl

I'm a huge fan of harnesses as a learning tool. I don't like the idea of kids in strollers when they're older (because they should be walking and exploring instead of passively sitting) but there are times that the consequences of running are higher than average (we were living on Amsterdam Ave in Harlem, NYC when my kids were ready to give up the stroller; not somewhere that was safe for them to dart). We used harnesses as a learning tool while they learned to walk nicely, hold my hand, etc. They were still expected not to run away or not hold hands, but it gave me a backup plan since toddlers don't always follow rules. We slowly were able to stop using it as they showed they were good at following the rules and even my "runner" knows very clearly not to go near a street without an adult's hand and knew so at a very young age. They would have been far older before I let them out of the stroller around there if I hadn't had a harness as backup while they learned the rules.

sophie206

12bailey18:

I think they are great for around 18 months. They want their freedom to explore but yet haven't figured out boundaries or 'danger' LOL. We used a harness with DS on vacations and airports around that age. When he was 2 and DD was a baby I had one in my carry on at that airport just incase I needed it. I never did. Once DS turned 2 he really understood to stay by me and he wasn't a runner. No idea how DD will be but I am not afraid to use one! 

DH bought a cute backpack one for DD at right about 18 months when she was not yet old enough to be trusted not to do something dangerous, but wanted to walk and explore, thus hating the stroller. I think we only used it twice--at the mall once and zoo. I'll be honest and say that the thing that kept me from using it is getting the side-eye from others. DD walks fairly well with us now that she's older and if she acts up it usually involves laying on the ground crying which the leash is not going to help with :P

AimeeL85

I see no difference at all.  As long as you're not putting it around their neck, the comparison people give to dogs is ridiculous.  A dog using a leash does not automatically mean leashes are for dogs only. To me they're a great compromise for letting LO have a little more freedom and still ensuring they stay near you - it's even exercise for them.  If I'm at the mall 2 hours, I'd much rather DS be getting some energy out for at least one of those hours, than sitting in a stroller.

Anyone who says they should be taught to just hold your hand should not use strollers either (not referencing any of the other responses because I haven't read them yet, just mentioning what's often said with regard to them). It's also very uncomfortable for someone much shorter than you to be holding your hand for an extended period of time.

CiderWench

I put one on my youngest every time we go to Wal-Mart for a big shopping trip. She likes to walk and I feel more comfortable having her attached to me somehow while I'm shopping since my mind is on my grocery list a lot of the time. As long as a parent isn't yanking their kid around, I really don't see what all the fuss is about.

Que*Syrah

penguingrrl:

I'm a huge fan of harnesses as a learning tool. I don't like the idea of kids in strollers when they're older (because they should be walking and exploring instead of passively sitting) but there are times that the consequences of running are higher than average (we were living on Amsterdam Ave in Harlem, NYC when my kids were ready to give up the stroller; not somewhere that was safe for them to dart). We used harnesses as a learning tool while they learned to walk nicely, hold my hand, etc. They were still expected not to run away or not hold hands, but it gave me a backup plan since toddlers don't always follow rules. We slowly were able to stop using it as they showed they were good at following the rules and even my "runner" knows very clearly not to go near a street without an adult's hand and knew so at a very young age. They would have been far older before I let them out of the stroller around there if I hadn't had a harness as backup while they learned the rules.

That is my plan. I still want him to hold my hand but this way if he runs, he can't get far. I just freak out when we're in a big crowd and he darts away. In a crowd it's so much harder for me to get to him quickly, especially when I'm also trying to push a stroller.

ta78

I need to get one for DS. He is a runner and while we continue to try and teach him to stay close and listen, he still likes to dart into streets or take off into crowds.

He has gotten a little better, but there are certain times it would be nice to have and I don't care if I get side eyed or commented on it.

The further along in this pregnancy and the bigger he gets, it is getting harder to carry him when he won't hold my hand. He is 35 lbs and starting to hurt my back just carrying him around the house.

MrsBalletStar05

I won't judge the leash.  Both of my kids have difficulty with verbal directions.  The youngest literally doesn't understand a word I say and the older one just flat out can't remember what I say.  I will never forget a post on one of the month boards (yes, I think everyone's baby was about 9 months old) where everyone insisted they'd just hold their kids hand.  Unfortunately, not everyone's child is good with that!  I'm lucky that my youngest is decent with hand holding, but my Kindergartener was not when he first learned to walk up until about age 4.  There were many activities I avoided or made sure there were 2 adults present.  As you can imagine, it was very difficult when I had #2, to keep an eye on the older one.  We had a lot of days in!!  But that was my choice.  Like I said, as a mom with kids with learning difficulties, I wouldn't judge someone who used a leash/harness AT ALL.  I know what it is like to have a runner.

vlagrl29

It did not work for us.  We bought one for when we went to an amusement park back in May.  DD was 14 months and very independent.  We got one of those fuzzy backpack animal kinds.  I was not impressed.  The backpack animal added extra heat to her body causing her to sweat more. The leash was not that long, which didn't leave much for her to feel independent with.  Also, she would walk the amount the leash let her but then would fall when it wouldn't go anymore.  We returned it and got our money back.  she is now holding our hand when walking.  I think that teaching them to do that is a much better idea anyways

lbaby08

We used one for DD from about 18 months to 2 years. We live in a pedestrian friendly city so we either walk or use the bus system (completely normal here). We used the harness as a teaching tool when/if we needed it but would also take her somewhere less dangerous and work on walking beside me/holding my hand without the harness. Now she happily walks everywhere (haven't used our stroller once in probably 2 months) and 99% of the time follows the rules without question.

I obviously have no problem with someone using them esp as a tool to teach the child what is expected of them while remaining safe. Now, if I see a 5 year old wearing one I would probably question that parenting decision.

ridesbuttons

scatteredtrees:

AimeeL85:

I see no difference at all.  As long as you're not putting it around their neck, the comparison people give to dogs is ridiculous.  A dog using a leash does not automatically mean leashes are for dogs only.

Funny (or pitiful) story- I saw an older kid with a leash clipped to his belt loop on his pants at the mall.... with his mother on the end of the leash.

I don't think I've ever stared at someone for so long in my life. 

I'm sure the mom appreciated that.

PurpleDrewbie5

scatteredtrees:

ridesbuttons:

scatteredtrees:

AimeeL85:

I see no difference at all.  As long as you're not putting it around their neck, the comparison people give to dogs is ridiculous.  A dog using a leash does not automatically mean leashes are for dogs only.

Funny (or pitiful) story- I saw an older kid with a leash clipped to his belt loop on his pants at the mall.... with his mother on the end of the leash.

I don't think I've ever stared at someone for so long in my life. 

I'm sure the mom appreciated that.

She hooked her preteen up to a dog leash. You wouldn't have stared trying to figure out WTH that was?  

Anyone would have stared. There is no reason for a preteen to be looped to his parents with a leash. I think everyone on here has posted that if they did/would use a harness, it would be with younger kids for safety purposes. Not for 10 year old boys. That's just weird.

ridesbuttons

PurpleDrewbie5:

scatteredtrees:

ridesbuttons:

scatteredtrees:

AimeeL85:

I see no difference at all.  As long as you're not putting it around their neck, the comparison people give to dogs is ridiculous.  A dog using a leash does not automatically mean leashes are for dogs only.

Funny (or pitiful) story- I saw an older kid with a leash clipped to his belt loop on his pants at the mall.... with his mother on the end of the leash.

I don't think I've ever stared at someone for so long in my life. 

I'm sure the mom appreciated that.

She hooked her preteen up to a dog leash. You wouldn't have stared trying to figure out WTH that was?  

Anyone would have stared. There is no reason for a preteen to be looped to his parents with a leash. I think everyone on here has posted that if they did/would use a harness, it would be with younger kids for safety purposes. Not for 10 year old boys. That's just weird.

1.  There was no mention of 'preteen' in the post.

2.  Have you considered the child was special needs?  You think a 2 year old can run fast?  Try chasing down an 10 year old.  Nobody would blink an eye in a mall seeing a 10 year old unsupervised (unlike a wandering toddler).  Think it through.