UGH! WIll this ever get any easier. . . ?? — The Bump
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UGH! WIll this ever get any easier. . . ??

The past week or so has gotten me thinking about a lot of things.  I think it may just be that I would be having a baby if my first IVF cycle would have worked. 

My husband has been talking a lot about when we have kids.  For example, when we have kids we're going to do this or when we have a little boy we're going to go train watching.  It's amazing to see him light up when we talk about kids.  Before our IVF cycles, he never really talked about kids.  

It just breaks my heart to see him get so excited, but what if we don't have kids?  I love to see him light up at the prospect of our future. Maybe I'm just over-analyzing and/or being over sensitive.  I just feel like a failure because I cannot give him the one thing he really wants.   I want to have children with him more than anything in the world, but there is always that nagging feeling that we won't have kids. 

TTC since October 2008

IVF/ICSI #1 12/7/2011 = BFN
IVF/ICSI #2 1/31/2012 = BFN
IVF/ICSI #3 March 2013 Cancelled
IVF/ICSI #4 5/30/2013 = BFP
EDD 2/5/2014


"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7)


Re: UGH! WIll this ever get any easier. . . ??

  • (((huge hugs)))

    I feel this way all the time. My DH is more of a quiet guy, but I can see how much it breaks his heart to see others around us have more and more kids. Unfortunately, most of the recent births in our lives were to teens, people struggling with addiction and "oops" babies, which makes it even harder. 

    It's hard to think that IF is not only negatively affecting my life, but his too.

    IF sucks.

    (((hugs again))) 


    TTC since March 2009 // Me and DH - 28
    Testing Summer/Fall 2010 - Unexplained IF
    IUIs #1-4 ~ Clomid/Ovidrel/TI/IUI ~ all BFNs
    IUI #5 ~ Femara/Ovidrel/TI/IUI ~ BFN
    IUIs #6-9 ~ Research Study Meds/Pregnyl/TI/IUI ~ all BFNs
    IVF Consultation, More Testing
    Diagnostic Cycle ~ Mucinex/Progesterone/TI ~ BFN
    IVF #1 ~ Menopur/Bravelle/Ganirelix/Novarel/Progesterone/Lupron
    7R, 6F // 2 transferred // 3 frosties ~ BFN
    FET #1 ~ Estrace/PIO/Lupron
    3 thawed // 2 transferred // 1 lost // no more frosties ~ BFP!!
    Beta #1 - 456 // Beta #2 - 1176 // Beta #3 - 2933 // Beta #4 - 6753
    EDD: May 16, 2013
    Threatened MC at 6w2d
    Bedrest for SCH // 6w2d through 10w1d
    Elevated TSH and Lazy Thyroid DX @ 10w - Started Synthroid
    Finally released from RE at 13w
    Charles Everett ~ Born 5/20/2013

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    ~~ My IF Blog ~~ 

  • I am so sorry Daisy. For some reason, IF chooses those that most want kids and we all see those teens and oops kids, mostly unplanned and mostly something that they cannot afford or deal with.

    Sadly I have a DH that would rather not talk about our loss, something that drives me crazy as I need to deal with this, and talking about it would be far more therapeutic for me.

    Hang in there, I am sure your next IVF will bring you what you and your DH most want in this world. We are all here for you in the mean time.

    Multiple ectopics, 2 failed IVF's
    IVF #1: Did not get to ET, embies all failed PGD (major chromosomal defects)
    IVF #2: We have 2 chromosomally perfect embies as a result of PGD (Boy/Girl) 1 failed the thaw (Girl) Transferred 1, yet ended as a c/p
    Thought it was the end of our TTC Journey 6/20/2012
    SHOCK BFP 9/28/2012: IT'S A BOY! and everything is normal !!!!!!

    Little A born 38w 2d on 05/23/13 and is a true miracle for this IF Vet!



  • mm29mm29
    Long-Lasting Membership 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Photogenic
    I would not wish IF on my worst enemy!  It sucks.  (((Huge hugs!!!)))
    ::: Married June 2003:::
    TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
    Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
    DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
    Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
    IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
    IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
    IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
    IVF# 4= c/p
    ***CCRM ODWU***
    Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
    Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
    ***New RE***
    DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. 
    IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
    IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
    Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015
    imageimage image 
  • I agree, it kills me more to see my DH get upset, people have been telling him for years how he would be such a good dad...he even coaches youth sports because he loves kids so much....and I can't give him the one thing he wants more than anything.  I feel completely inadequate and as we approach the last possible 2 remaining cycles, I get upset thinking it's a pretty real possibility that it may never happen.
    TTC #1 since 3/10:
    DX: Me-PCOS, retroverted/ tilted ute - DH- MFI, DH-4 mo of Clomid therapy= no improvement. Weekly HCG injections.
    Me-34, DH-33
    HSG- unsuccessful, SHSG (dialated)-no blockages
    7/11-Clomid (unmonitored) BFN,
    #1 Fresh IVF 9/11: w/ ICSI & AH (only option): (1 transfered, 8BF) = BFN!!
    #2 FET: 2 transferred (2 6BF) 12/11 = BFFN!!
    Surprise + HPT on break! 2/12 Beta 1: 6 Beta 2: <5 = c/p ( RE had given me provera... So pretty sure this ruined everything)<BR> #3 Fresh IVF 3/12: w/ ICSI & AH (2 transfered 8BF & 7BF, 1 to freeze) = BFMFN!
    New RE 5/12
    6/14 Hysteroscopy
    #4 Fresh IVF 8/12: 5dt of 2 5AB blasts = BFN!... what else is new?!?
    New RE insists its a transfer issue, immunology checked & good
    #5 IVF FET 1/13 under anesthesia : Two 5 day blasts transferred
    + HPT!! Beta1: 2315 Beta2: 6442 Beta3: 31,061
    First u/s 1/30/13: Shows 1 healthy heartbeat!!

    Was he was right? I wasted 4 IVF's and the doctors were not getting the catheter in?!?
    ~~ Bump Bestie/ IRL Lynn0926 ~~
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • huge huge (((hugs)))

    IF sucks :(

    TTC since 2008 dx PCOS & MFI
    Clomid/Femara no "O"
    IVF #1 BFN
    FET #1 cancelled for biopsy
    FET #1.2 c/p, July 2012 c/p
    IUI #1 & 1.2 canceled
    IVF #2 ER 12/1, Freeze all due to OHSS
    FET #2.1 cancelled due to DVT risk, FET #2.2 Jan 2013
    my blog
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