Do text messages uphold in court for custody battles?

nikkalove

Hi I am so curious to know if anybody out there has been through a custody battle where your ex has shown text messages as part of his case? I have a baby with my boyfriend and just regret some of the texts messages I've sent only because I wonder if that would be used against me in court. Showing "what kind of mom" I am. 

This couldn't be a problem because I feel like I am just texting and they are just words. Is there really anything to worry about. Can text messages be shown in court as being used against you and your character?  

HisChamaoleGirl

In my experience, yes they can be used in court and I actually have used them. But that's not saying every judge will accept them

With baby

Yes they could, 

FyreFlyeRush

nikkalove:

Hi I am so curious to know if anybody out there has been through a custody battle where your ex has shown text messages as part of his case? I have a baby with my boyfriend and just regret some of the texts messages I've sent only because I wonder if that would be used against me in court. Showing "what kind of mom" I am.nbsp;This couldn't be a problem because I feel like I am just texting and they are just words. Is there really anything to worry about. Can text messages be shown in court as being used against you and your character? nbsp;

The police told me, "it's a free country. You can say anything you want." That was in regards to an email where he threatened to kidnap him.

Second, just because you don't like your ex doesn't make you a bad mom. Now, if they were abusive or threatening, they could harm you.

But, it's all state/judge dependent.

nikkalove

But why? Really

nikkalove

I want to add that we are currently still "together" we still speak and text after a fight. But so now would they hold up still? I don't think we will work out, but I'm just thinking in the future. I want to get a hold of his phone and delete everything. When we fight I get so mad and say things I don't mean, but they are just texts. We get over it and talk the following day. Yaexactly why I don't think it will last. He pisses me off.

kllrbnny

FyreFlyeRush:

The police told me, "it's a free country. You can say anything you want." That was in regards to an email where he threatened to kidnap him. Second, just because you don't like your ex doesn't make you a bad mom. Now, if they were abusive or threatening, they could harm you. But, it's all state/judge dependent.

The police are idiots. They are not schooled in constitutional law. 

Texts absolutely can be used against you. It is at the judge's discretion as is any evidence. Dating the person you are texting doesn't make a difference in whether they can be used. Deleting them from his phone won't make a difference if he really wants to use them. Companies keep records.

Not liking the father does not make you a bad mom; however, when you are in a situation like this you have to be on your best behavior. Texts sent after/during fights are going to be the worst ones b/c you are not thinking rationally and we all say things we don't mean when fighting with SOs. Even things that seem totally innocuous at the time can come back to bite you when used as part of a whole.

So stop it. Don't worry about ones you've already sent. Don't send any more. Fighting via text is the worst thing you can do for your relationship anyway. There is no tone of voice and no body language so it is super easy for things to get blown way out of proportion. 

dmndsr4eva

I have not yet gone to court but most likely I will after we go through mediation.  We had one session at mediation so far and my ex's GF had printed out all of my emails and texts to him.  He left me for his GF when my son was 1.5 so I can assure you I had a lot of nasty things to say to him.  The mediator told me to stop for the benefit of our child and because they can be used in court.  I certainly did not threaten violence or anything like that.  I would imagine something like that would be badly recieved by a judge.  I did call him a bad father, cheater, told him when our son grows up he will know what a loser his dad is.  Oh and I called his GF a wh*re on several occasions.  Stuff like that.  I know if we go to court he will show the judge all of those things.  Whether or not the judge cares I don't know.  It certainly doesn't help me.  I no longer text, email, or say those derrogatory things to him.  So at least if we do go to court in a few months I can show that I stopped doing it a long time ago. 

preggersin2011

People can bring anything they want really. I've heard of text and email print outs, FB print outs, recorded phone conversations. Pretty much anything that is capable of being documented can be used in court for custody proceedings.

CFjo2010

Check with an attorney regarding your State's Evidence Code.  In CA, any written form of communication (electronic or otherwise) is considered admissable evidence.  That means unaltered emails, texts, Facebook printouts, etc are all admissable in Court and the Judge has to consider them in any ruling.  With technology ruling so much of our everyday lives, these electronic communications pack quite a punch.

As for PP who said the police told her a person can say whatever they want in an email or text:  They're right, you can say whatever you want.  But it's still admissable as evidence.  Just like if a terrorist writes a scathing text to the President, it's evidence.

kllrbnny

Also, the rules of evidence are seriously relaxed for custody. The judge can allow pretty much anything in. Doesn't necessarily mean he/she gives it any weight, but every judge will be different. 

If you come across as difficult the judge will take that into account when making his/her decision. 

CFjo2010

kllrbnny:

Also, the rules of evidence are seriously relaxed for custody. The judge can allow pretty much anything in. Doesn't necessarily mean he/she gives it any weight, but every judge will be different. 

If you come across as difficult the judge will take that into account when making his/her decision. 

And if BD is saying that you're letting your emotions towards him influence the way you handle things with your child, any angry texts/emails from you will definitely support his claims.