? from IF/TTC>35. 1 or 2...

emikat

Hi ladies, 

I'm coming over from the Infertility and TTC > 35 boards.  I'm planning on having a FET next week and I have to decide whether to put in 1 or 2 embryos.  Bascially, I'm weighing the differences of possible twins versus having a baby even later.  I'm 42 now, will be 43 at birth if this pregnancy is successful.  If I put in one and it's successful and then put in another later (my RE says to wait 6 months to 1 year after having a baby to do another FET) then I'll be having a second baby at 45.  All of this is best case scenario of course.  

However, if you could choose, would you rather have a twin pregnancy now, at 42, even with the higher risks of multiples. Or two pregnancies, one at 42/43 and another at or near 45?  Any moms or moms to be out there at 45 with stories of how your pregnancies are/were?  Or moms/moms to be with twins have any input?

It's such a hard decision.  Thank you for any thoughts.  

solarflare

It's really hard to say for someone else. But here's something else to think about. Do you want to be pregnant two times in a row so close to each other? Your pregnancies may be easy or they could be hard. I had absolutely no idea how hard it is to be pregnant. Noone really told me and media definitely doesn't paint a correct picture. So even though twins sometimes isn't the ideal scenario, I couldn't imagine trying to get pregnant right away again in hopes of a second child without giving the body some serious rest and down time.  

Also, is cost an issue to you? I know at our clinic FET's would have been around $3000 each time.

I wish you lots of clarity in making your decision! 

lhcooper

Personally I have seen too many scary/sad twin pregnancy stories on these boards to be willing to risk it. Plus, you are banking on the fact that the first FET with one will work, but what if it doesn't? I'd want a backup. And while I second what the PP said about pregnancy, I do so because it could go the other way; you might find, as I have, that pregnancy with one is challenging enough and you can't imagine the physical costs of a twin pregnancy. Not to mention the financial costs. I would try with one and, if it works, decide what to do with the second one.

emikat

Thank you both for your viewpoints.  These are actually the two things that are weighing in my mind as I can see it from both sides.  I would really like to give both embryos a chance, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be up for another pregnancy at my age when I could do a second FET if I have a successful pregnancy this first round.  

However, I really worry about the complications for a twin pregnancy and I know there' s no guarantee that I'll get twins and I'll lose my back up if I go with two and it doesn't work.  But, from everything I've talked to my RE about, he said that the odds of one sticking are the same individually for each embryo whether you put them in together or separately.  

Either way, there's a financial cost and luckily it's not really too big of a consideration for us.   But, it does enter my mind as well.  

Thank you again.  I hope that the right choice for me come clear in the next few days.  Any other viewpoints are welcome! 

jessandandy09

I wanted to say that I think it would be more difficult to carry twins and the risk of losing both embryo's would be too frightening for me personally, so I would lean towards two pregnancies.  What a tough decision you are faced with, I wish you luck and will be sending you thoughts and prayers!

uctracy@yahoo.com

I will be 40 next year and we decided to put in 2 5 day blasts. I am expecting one baby in March.  My RE recommended putting in 2 blasts given my age. My husband and I were also OK with having twins if that is what happened.

pillowass

When we were grappling with our decision, I found that much of the research on outcomes with twins did not distinguish between id and fraternal twins, or IVF versus spontaneous twins. Outcomes for IVF fraternal twins are pretty good overall. Here is a link to an article (with outcomes data) that argues that twins are not necessarily an adverse outcome for IVF, especially for women/couples who want 2 children anyway.

That said, twin pregnancy is really really hard and if we were guaranteed two healthy babies either way I don't think that very many of us would choose to have 2 at once. Unfortunately, as we know there are no guarantees. Good luck with your decision and with your FET next week!

amandaleigh1

As someone who just had a single baby, I really can't imagine taking care of two babies right now. But that said, I did a day 3 eSET because I knew ahead if time that one was already going to be a handful for me. I don't have a lot of family or outside support near me, so that is part of my story.

emikat

Thank you all.  I've decided to go for a single embryo transfer.  I guess it came down to what I would feel at peace with the most in both best and worst case scenarios.  I hope to be a part of this board soon!  GL on all your pregnancies and with your babies.  

Watergirl21

Hi, Hopefully it's not too late to weigh in. I am pregnant with my second child now and I think if I was in your shoes I would but both in. Twins will be challenging but being pregnant with you second with a young child will be really exhausting. I have a friend who had one child and then had twins her pregnancy was exhausting but it is smooth sailing now.