WWYD and Intro

LittleMissTink

Hello ladies. I have been on this bored a few times but have been so busy its been very sparatic. So first of all hello! Second I need some mom to mom advice.

So this past Friday I went to a friends house for a party she was having. I at first didn't think that I would go because both of my children were cranky and tired and was DD's first week at preschool. I went anyway because I wanted to support this friend who also has a little girl 2yrs and a newborn. So I get there and DD1 and 2 start playing with her daughter and all is OK only the typical have sharing issues.

Five minutes into playing I hear the mom scream GET OFF MY DAUGHTER! (Seeing my daughter on top of my daughter) So the mom says that my daughter had her forearm on her daughters throat and was choking her(TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE) and So I apologized and asked my daughter what happened after she had spent some time in time out. She says she was trying to get a bear and the little girl pushed her and she fell on top of her.

So after apologizing profusely the little girl left with her dad and she seemed fine. The next day my husband gets a text saying we really need to talk about what happened the night before and that he was worried about my daughters unnatural anger. So they said we ultamitly don't want the girls to get together again because they cannot trust my daughter. So today the mom posts on Facebook that her daughter is coughing and having trouble swallowing. She is livid that my daughter tried to kill her daughter and shes mad that I'm not taking it seriously.

Sorry for the novel but I am so sick and stressed out over it. TIA

LoveEeyore

A piece of me would want to reply 1) If this is even true, then get off the damn computer and take her to the doctor.  OR 2) "I'm so sorry this happened.  I appreciate your concern that my daughter has an anger problem.  I haven't noted it, but will keep my eyes out and talk to her pediarician if it happens again.  I would like to reciprocate the love and concern and invite you to hear my daughter's side, and then express my concern for your kid's lying problem. If  your child is experimenting with aggression, as my daughter says happened, and then is lying about it, it is important to protect your newborn from similar lashouts."

BUT the right answer is to simply unfriend and block her so you aren't subjected to her anger and attacks.  It's a bummer. I would have been upset and have yelled at kids on the playground who have shoved or grabbed my kids, but seriously the BS on FB shows that this about more than that.  Toddlers do stupid stuff sometimes, but usually adults trump that in spades.

ldcoffel

LoveEeyore:

A piece of me would want to reply 1) If this is even true, then get off the damn computer and take her to the doctor.  OR 2) "I'm so sorry this happened.  I appreciate your concern that my daughter has an anger problem.  I haven't noted it, but will keep my eyes out and talk to her pediarician if it happens again.  I would like to reciprocate the love and concern and invite you to hear my daughter's side, and then express my concern for your kid's lying problem. If  your child is experimenting with aggression, as my daughter says happened, and then is lying about it, it is important to protect your newborn from similar lashouts."

BUT the right answer is to simply unfriend and block her so you aren't subjected to her anger and attacks.  It's a bummer. I would have been upset and have yelled at kids on the playground who have shoved or grabbed my kids, but seriously the BS on FB shows that this about more than that.  Toddlers do stupid stuff sometimes, but usually adults trump that in spades.

Nicely worded 

LittleMissTink

fredalina:

Just want to make sure I understand the situation: Your daughter was found on top of the friend's daughter. No adult saw how she ended up there. Your friend's daughter said that your daughter attacked her randomly, and your daughter says that the friend's daughter pushed her and somehow she ended up on top of her. Is that right? Plus your friend is now claiming that while on top your daughter was trying to choke her daughter and now claims her daughter is choking and having trouble breathing etc. At the time, your discipline was to remove your daughter to a time out and then to talk to her about what happened. They also removed their daughter and later called to chew you out about your daughter's "unnatural anger problem". You, meanwhile, have never observed any unusual anger or aggression from your daughter. Is that all correct? Your friends sound kind of nuts. Maybe it's hormones and lack of sleep from a newborn, and I might cut them some slack for that, but I wonder what they expected you to do exactly. Even if their daughter's side of the story is more true and your daughter did knock her over, it is just not very believable that she was intentionally trying to kill your daughter. I don't think kids have any instinctive "go for the throat" knowledge like predatory animals. Much more likely, even if your daughter was the aggressor, that she accidentally had her elbow in the other girl's throat and was struggling to get up. If they were a decade older then maybe. Not wee little kids. So what do they want you to do? Institutionalize her? IF I valued their friendship, I would ask the question. "I can tell you're very concerned about this. I am interested to hear what you think we should be doing that we haven't done. This is the first "aggressive" instance we've ever heard of for her outside of the norm for little kids to push or swat. Even if we accept that everything happened exactly as your LO says it did, I'm still not sure what we should be doing for a first offense other than time out, discussion with her, and supervising her more closely as we will be doing now. What would you do?"

This is exactly it. I have no idea what she wants me to do. I have been nothing but kind to this person and there have been other  of calling her right back or saying the right thing. I think my husband and I have decided now is a good time to take a break from the friendship.