First day of school

CFjo2010

We bought K a new backpack a few weeks ago because she said didn?t get a new one with BM and BM said she didn?t have money for supplies. We sent the new backpack and lunchbag to Gma's and K was so excited about her new stuff. Well today she shows up for the first day of school using the old backpack that's fraying and dirty. I asked her where the new one was and she said she wasn't "allowed" to use it today. Excuse me? K seemed really bummed about it and was sad that my daughter had her fun new backpack and all the other kids had new backpacks. I hate that her mother treats her that way. Why would she insist that K use an old backpack that's dirty, fraying and torn when we just bought her a new one? What does she really think it proves? All it shows is that she doesn't care about K?s feelings or wants, and now K feels like she doesn't have a say in anything. What a horrible way to treat a child. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach that she acts so immaturely at K?s expense. What would it have really hurt to just let K use the stuff she picked out that isn?t falling apart?

I know it?s a small issue to get worked up over. It just hurts seeing K so upset when it?s not necessary.

Hopeforthebest

You have GOT to be kidding me.

SMH! This is the same woman that threw away the supplies last year right? What a piece of work!

Poor K - my heart aches for her.

twister22

Are you kidding me?!

I agree with throwing the old backpack away. See if you can get the new one back from Gma, and find out why K wasn't "allowed" to use the new one. Does BM not like what was on it, or is she purely being petty because you guys bought it for her? If you cannot get the new one back I'd just buy K another new one (ridiculous to have to spend more money, I know) and have her use that. What's BM going to do then?

I don't understand why your BM is so petty and likes to cause problems so much.. 

Kaeldrasmommy

What a ...... Ugh. Yep, toss it. Poor kid.

HisChamaoleGirl

I also support the idea to get rid of the old one and use a new one when she is with you. In the future I would just do the switch when she is in your home and not giving BM the chance to have the old one.

CFjo2010

twister22:

Are you kidding me?!

I agree with throwing the old backpack away. See if you can get the new one back from Gma, and find out why K wasn't "allowed" to use the new one. Does BM not like what was on it, or is she purely being petty because you guys bought it for her? If you cannot get the new one back I'd just buy K another new one (ridiculous to have to spend more money, I know) and have her use that. What's BM going to do then?

I don't understand why your BM is so petty and likes to cause problems so much.. 

As much as we try and avoid involving Gma in things, I think my husband plans on mentioning it to her tomorrow night at drop off.  BM is never around for Tuesday night drop offs, so he'll have "uninterrupted access" to Gma.  When we took the backpack to Gma's (with K) a comment was made that the backpack is "bright".  It has tie-dye and leopard spots in neon colors.  It's no brighter then some of the stuff BM sends K to school wearing.  There's nothing at all offensive on the backpack for BM to be upset about.  My husband is just as baffled as I am.  If BM had such an issue with the backpack, why not just send it back to our house and ask us to exchange it?  The whole situation is just ridiculous.

FutureMrsWittig

I agree with the others who said to toss the old one.  But (as I'm sure you will) be prepared for an unholy fit to be thrown by BM. 

CFjo2010

FutureMrsWittig:

I agree with the others who said to toss the old one.  But (as I'm sure you will) be prepared for an unholy fit to be thrown by BM. 

My goodness, this woman throws a fit every time we get rid of clothing or shoes.  If things don't fit or are falling apart, they should be disposed of.  She demands that we give them back to her if we're getting rid of them, but we refuse.  The first time she demanded we return things to her that we were getting rid of we complied, then she turned around and had K wear the items to school so she would come to our house in them.  Yeah, no.  Obviously if it were something with sentimental value, we wouldn't get rid of it.  But I'm sorry, I just don't believe in holding onto things that should be disposed of just so the parent can avoid their "good clothes" going to the other parent's home.

As for the fit regarding the backpack, we'll see if she actually sends it to school tomorrow.  I have a feeling she's going to have K use the backpack we purchased on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, which are the days we pick up and/or take K to school.

FutureMrsWittig

jobalchak:

FutureMrsWittig:

I agree with the others who said to toss the old one.  But (as I'm sure you will) be prepared for an unholy fit to be thrown by BM. 

My goodness, this woman throws a fit every time we get rid of clothing or shoes.  If things don't fit or are falling apart, they should be disposed of.  She demands that we give them back to her if we're getting rid of them, but we refuse.  The first time she demanded we return things to her that we were getting rid of we complied, then she turned around and had K wear the items to school so she would come to our house in them.  Yeah, no.  Obviously if it were something with sentimental value, we wouldn't get rid of it.  But I'm sorry, I just don't believe in holding onto things that should be disposed of just so the parent can avoid their "good clothes" going to the other parent's home.

As for the fit regarding the backpack, we'll see if she actually sends it to school tomorrow.  I have a feeling she's going to have K use the backpack we purchased on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, which are the days we pick up and/or take K to school.

I'd say this would call for being underhanded and swapping them out at school one morning... But FWIW I'm in a mean mood.

Kaeldrasmommy

jobalchak:

FutureMrsWittig:

I agree with the others who said to toss the old one.  But (as I'm sure you will) be prepared for an unholy fit to be thrown by BM. 

My goodness, this woman throws a fit every time we get rid of clothing or shoes.  If things don't fit or are falling apart, they should be disposed of.  She demands that we give them back to her if we're getting rid of them, but we refuse.  The first time she demanded we return things to her that we were getting rid of we complied, then she turned around and had K wear the items to school so she would come to our house in them.  Yeah, no.  Obviously if it were something with sentimental value, we wouldn't get rid of it.  But I'm sorry, I just don't believe in holding onto things that should be disposed of just so the parent can avoid their "good clothes" going to the other parent's home.

As for the fit regarding the backpack, we'll see if she actually sends it to school tomorrow.  I have a feeling she's going to have K use the backpack we purchased on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, which are the days we pick up and/or take K to school.

This sort of thing would make a little bit of sense if you guys didn't contribute or make sure that her belongings are cared for, but you bought the dang thing!

twister22

jobalchak:

FutureMrsWittig:

I agree with the others who said to toss the old one.  But (as I'm sure you will) be prepared for an unholy fit to be thrown by BM. 

My goodness, this woman throws a fit every time we get rid of clothing or shoes.  If things don't fit or are falling apart, they should be disposed of.  She demands that we give them back to her if we're getting rid of them, but we refuse.  The first time she demanded we return things to her that we were getting rid of we complied, then she turned around and had K wear the items to school so she would come to our house in them.  Yeah, no.  Obviously if it were something with sentimental value, we wouldn't get rid of it.  But I'm sorry, I just don't believe in holding onto things that should be disposed of just so the parent can avoid their "good clothes" going to the other parent's home.

As for the fit regarding the backpack, we'll see if she actually sends it to school tomorrow.  I have a feeling she's going to have K use the backpack we purchased on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, which are the days we pick up and/or take K to school.

It's gross that she holds onto nasty clothes. BD just brings his own clothes when he comes to pick up DS, but I'm guessing that wouldn't work with you guys since you pick K up from school.

BM blows my mind. Why would she take the effort to switch backpacks almost every day? I'm sure some of her peers will notice and think it's bizarre.

And the backpack is "bright?" So what. Get over it, BM.  

Moschic31

jobalchak:

We bought K a new backpack a few weeks ago because she said didn?t get a new one with BM and BM said she didn?t have money for supplies. We sent the new backpack and lunchbag to Gma's and K was so excited about her new stuff. Well today she shows up for the first day of school using the old backpack that's fraying and dirty. I asked her where the new one was and she said she wasn't "allowed" to use it today. Excuse me? K seemed really bummed about it and was sad that my daughter had her fun new backpack and all the other kids had new backpacks. I hate that her mother treats her that way. Why would she insist that K use an old backpack that's dirty, fraying and torn when we just bought her a new one? What does she really think it proves? All it shows is that she doesn't care about K?s feelings or wants, and now K feels like she doesn't have a say in anything. What a horrible way to treat a child. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach that she acts so immaturely at K?s expense. What would it have really hurt to just let K use the stuff she picked out that isn?t falling apart?

I know it?s a small issue to get worked up over. It just hurts seeing K so upset when it?s not necessary.

That is awful.  I feel like a broken record on this board but our BM did a similar thing.  My fiance bought his daughter a backpack after one of the backstraps broke and a hole developed.  When his daughter tried to bring to new backpack to her mom's home, BM refused to let her take it.  A month later, during a court hearing regarding child support, BM dragged the broken backpack into court in front of the judge and said that my fiance didn't care that his daughter was walking around with a broken backpack!  Ridculous.  Our BM refused to let anything from our house go to her house, whether it be a backpack, clothing, stuffed animal, or even a piece of candy!  Behavior like this may have satisfied BM is some sick way, but it really hurt the girls.  Hopefully K gets to use the backpack.

CFjo2010

Thanks everyone.

No clue what backpack K is using today since she wasn't at school yet when I took my daughter.  I'll find out obviously when I pick them up this afternoon.  But yesterday when I was picking up my daughter I was talking with one of the moms in K's class.  She made a comment about K not having a new backpack and I said, "Well she does have a new backpack that she picked out a few weeks ago.  I'm not sure why BM isn't using it yet though."  I probably shouldn't have said that, but it's frustrating having these parents look to me for answers.  Especially when my daughter comes running up with a backpack that is obviously brand new and shoes that are brand new.  I find myself feeling like I need to defend that my husband and I do provide for K the same way we provide for my 2 children when BM is obviously trying to give the impression otherwise.