criticizing mother

loveN_387

My mom has been encouraging me to stop BFing (I'm on demand BF) and to pump, so I can give baby (4 month old) a bottle. I don't understand why she is so against me BFing (baby is thriving) She says I'm being selfish by allowing my son to be completely dependent on me. I'm coming to my fellow BFing moms for some encouragement, its hard to hear this everytime I talk to my mom since I thought she was going to my biggest cheerleader.

ClaireOtoms

Wait, so your mom wants you to pump so *she* can feed the baby, and she is calling you selfish because you don't want to interrupt the natural mother-baby nursing relationship?

I don't think you're the one being selfish here.  

Keep doing what you think is best for you and your baby.  YOU are the Momma here!  

loveN_387

she just wants the baby to use a bottle, i guess. we live 2 states away from family.

 

ClaireOtoms

Oh.  Sorry, I guess I misunderstood.

 

Either way, there is nothing selfish about you choosing to only nurse your little one.  A lot of babies go straight from the breast to drinking out of regular or sippy cups; you are certainly not hurting LO any!  

kmm2150

Does she want you to COMPLETELY stop nursing, and exclusively pump/bottle feed, only for the reason that nursing is making LO "dependent" on you?

It is nice to pump once in a while and to get LO to take a bottle, only so that YOU can have a break now and then, and I could see your mom encouraging you to do this so that daddy could feed LO once in a while, or so that you could get out of the house on your own for a bit, but that's not reason to totally give up nursing.

honkytonk_kid

It probably wouldn't hurt to pump a bottle here and there if it's that big a deal for her to feed your LO. Maybe it would get her off your back to know that she would get to feed him once in a while, especially if you don't see her much.

BUT you would be in no way selfish NOT to, even if your only reason is you don't want to. Your baby, your choice. 

tokenhoser

YOU get to decide if you want to pump and give a bottle. Personally, my baby quit taking bottles around 4 months anyway. It wasn't worth the fight to me to get him to take one; by that age he was able to wait 2-3 hours for me to  come back if I needed to get away for a bit. Really, you're kind of over the point where a bottle is particularly useful. Not having to wean off bottles later is awesome.

PotomacSt

Of course your baby is completely dependent on you.... he's a baby and you're the mom! That's called normal :P

I'm sorry you're getting crap from your mom. I get similar crap from my MIL. Her big thing is "Why don't you just pump and bring a bottle to make it easier on yourself?" Except pumping and making a bottle is 3x as much work as nursing, and it's not my needs she's looking out for anyway.... it's hers. She's just pissed that she doesn't get to give LO bottles and daycare does.

But I can tune her out because she's not *my* mom. I'm sorry your mom isn't supportive. Maybe it would be easier to just shut her down next time she brings it up by telling her you're not interested in discussing it?

katiewhompus

Eh, on the one hand pumping once to shut her up might be worth it, but only I'd you chose.

Otherwise just tell her that what you have going on is fine and mind her own business. 

overtonhayes

I sympathise: my mother has been trying to get me to give up breastfeeding literally since day one! LO and I have run into problems right from the start, and my mother has gone far beyond "it's alright, everyone struggles" into "it's obviously never going to work, so just give up. That's what I did!"

What I've found helps with my mother is, basically, smiling and nodding. Do whatever you think is right for your baby, but maybe, at the same time, give her a little "sure, maybe I'll try that" ?  Good luck!

sadsadie

Keep BF on demand. Tell your mom to back off and refuse to discuss feeding matters with her any further. The last thing you need to hear is that you're "selfish." 

judahsmommy1

LOL! Pumping won't change the fact that your L.O. is completely dependent on you. It'll just add an extra step for you. Your mom needs to shut it! Tell her you've made a decision and you don't want to hear anything else about it. If she considers you to be selfish for that decision, so be it. It's none of her business.

freezorburn

You're not being selfish. Don't let your mother manipulate you into thinking that you are. Your baby is not like some fancy pair of shoes that you are refusing to lend out to her.