Struggling yesterday, today, tomorrow, and everyday

BgBritt04

My daughter Kinsley will have been our little angel now on the 28th.  I go back to work on the 29th.  I have a lot of anxiety and mixed emotions.  I am ready to get back into the swing of things and a normal life, but honestly is our life ever going to be normal again?! On top of all these overwhelming feelings, my best friend told me she was pregnant.  I am so very happy for them especially because she struggled with infertility for a year.  It still hurt so bad for me to hear and brought back to many memories to my early pregnancy stages.  I was already having a bad day the day before I found out and that just topped if off.  I cried for two days straight.  I am feeling better today, however I miss my daughter more than anything in the world and just wish she was here.  Every time I see a child or hear a story about a child it makes me so sad and choke up because all those things I wanted for my husband and I with our daughter and now we don't get them.  It's just a very hard thing to let go of.  I miss her more and more each day, but I try to remain positive and keep my faith and know there was a reason Kisnley is our angel instead of the baby in her crib, its just hard to do. 

dandywarhol

I'm so sorry for the loss of little Kinsley. Sadly you aren't alone and are experiencing what many of us have gone through, that doesn't make it any easier but please know that you aren't alone.

Your previous normal is a thing of the past but you will arrive at a new normal - a normal that will let you function and even be happy but it takes a while to get there. Learning to accept what you and your husband have lost takes time as well. 

It has been 10 months since I lost my first daughter and almost 2 months since I lost my second. I still have difficulty seeing pregnant women and little babies. I try to remind myself that I don't know their stories and that I don't want any of them to have to go through what I have been through but it is difficult knowing that they have a portion of what I want. 

Trying to stay positive and keeping your faith are admirable but don't be too hard on yourself if you have moments of negativity and doubt. There are many feelings associated with grief and all are normal and ok.  

Your daughter knows you love her.  {{hugs}}

 

lmielocl1

(((Hugs))) I am so sorry! I wish there was more I could say or do!  I am thinking of you.  You are not alone!

Carolee

Sending you (((HUGS))).  From my own experience, you will find a new normal.  I look at my life before my loss, and then after.  Be gentle with yourself regarding your reaction to your friend's pregnancy and to seeing children.  I had a really, really hard time dealing with both of these things for a long time after losing Eliott.  It is very hard to realize that the hopes/dreams you had for your own child tragically won't be realized.  This is such a difficult journey.

jbranden12

You are right that there are so many mixed emotions. I'm glad you are ready to get back into a routine because that can be helpful, but I also know that it can feel like you are moving on when you might not be ready. I don't know about normal, but our life will always be different. For us, our problems are different, as are the way we view them. Emotions can be magnified due to mixing with our grief and sorrow.

Like your reaction to your friend's pregnancy, which is completely normal, everything is jumbled up but sometimes the overarching feeling is sadness for what we are missing with our children. That's totally okay. It's not being negative or dwelling in the past to miss our children. Hopefully things will get easier for you. Tomorrow might be difficult, but hold your daughter close in your heart and let yourself love and miss her. ((HUGS))