DH is frustrated with BM re: this weekend
Ginlyn0
member
So I've mentioned before that we are amicable w/ BM but neither DH nor I can stand her. She's a chronic lyer, cheater and back stabber. So earlier this week she emailed DH and mentioned that the kids' meet the teacher was this Saturday (our weekend) and asked if we were going to take them or she could just keep them until afterwards and she would take them. DH replied that, of course we would take them. This is only the 2nd time their meet the teacher fell on our time where we could actually take them. The first time, BM beat us there and picked up all the paperwork and took it home with her (as if she thought we would not give it to her??) She didn't indicate she was even coming so we were shocked that she had done that.
So earlier she texted DH saying that SS8 wants to stay home with her this weekend and was that okay. DH asked why and she said "he just wants to." DH said that he would be picking him up along with the other kids. Years ago we had an issue where BM would say one of the kids was sick every single visit (with a cold, ect.) and would keep one home with her until DH put a stop to that. Since then we always pick up the kids. Now if one was actively vomiting or in extreme pain obviously that would be different but we are talking colds here.
He texted her and said "Just let them know that I will always pick them up on their weekends, regardless if they want to go or not. Because I am their father and I miss them and I like to spend time with them." Then he sent another text saying "Also, I am sure you already do, you could also encourage the above and I bet that would make your life easier with them bugging you about that." She replied saying "Just talk to them this weekend." Then the kicker, "Don't worry about taking the kids to meet the teacher tomorrow because they already know where they are supposed to go on Monday." DH said he did not reply back to her and plans on taking them to meet the teacher anyway.
So basically, she didn't want us to take them to meet the teacher and tried to bargain to keep them an extra night and when that attempt failed, she resorted to trying to make us feel it's unnecessary for them to go. But it was obviously important enough for her to try to attempt to keep them an extra night and you can tell by her response to DH that she isn't very encouraging towards DH's visitation when it comes to the kids.
Re: DH is frustrated with BM re: this weekend
I don't understand the logic people use when allowing kids to dictate visitation or even in some cases encouraging the kids to skip visitation.
Like your DH pointed out, encouraging the visitation would make life easier on both parents.
While I LOVE how much the kids look forward to seeing us (we are long distance) It would wreck me if my SKs didn't want to go to their mom's house (like at the end of summer visitaiton). Seeing them cry or be upset would ADD to the already sad and stress both DH and I feel at the end of our time each visit.
Of course she can go, and DH has never said she couldn't go when we've taken them. She, however, thinks we shouldn't go to them or something. I honestly am not even sure that I am going because if I go that means we also have to take along DD and DS and I haven't decided if I want to do that or not yet because of the crowd and there are alot of us LOL.
DH typically doesn't go on "her" years because she acts like she owns them and because of that he feels strange going up there separately from the kids (his issue). We did do that a few times when they were younger, but now he usually just emails the teacher(s) the first week of school and gives them his contact info and calls/emails them if he has any questions. He goes to parent conferences with BM when issues have popped up so I don't know why she's acting so strange about this.
I just don't understand her at all. I mean if DD's dad actually wanted to do any of the things DH does I would be jumping for joy. I really should make a post about some of the things I've learned recently that drive me crazy about him. Even still, I encourage their relationship inform him of times of things he never shows up for and DD doesn't get an option to not visit him. DH isn't overbearing either he's very go with the flow but he likes to do "normal" parent things with the kids. And truthfully, she doesn't work and volunteers at school sometimes so the school is more her turf but even if she didn't want to go up there tomorrow without the kids or with us then she would still be able to meet the teachers on Monday when she takes them in to school, DH would not be able to.
I don't understand why both bio parents aren't going to meet the teacher... doesn't matter who's time visitation falls on, they should both go.
your DH and BM are showing the teacher and the skid a segregation that eventually the kids will play one against the other (I hope not, but can see it happening).
If the issue is that DH/BM cannot get a long in a public setting then they need to agree to go at different times or something, but your H has just as much right as BM to meet the teacher during orientation...
and fwiw I don't go to SD's MTT or orientation. Usually she has some sort of open house in the fall, and I go to that so that I can introduce myself to the teacher, but I let BM/DH/SD handle orientation/ meet the teacher together...
We just has a similar situation. BM didn't even tell us or make us aware of MTT but luckily we knew about it from other sources and had the information because it was his scheduled night to have the children and she made us aware that she had a work meeting to be at. So i guess she wasn't able to attend MTT either way. We waited and waited to see if she'd tell us anything but never did. (since then he has emailed her asking why she didn't tell us and that its important to SD, its not about the adults.)
And we have also many times heard the strange excuses of "So and so said he/she wants to stay with me for this time so i can take her to a certain appt or while you are taking the other kid to this..."
the kids have never seemed upset to go with us or come home with us. its just BM's way of trying to control something....the little things she has left to control because the kids are young enough still.
But as my SD has gotten older she rats out her BM to me and tells me the lies and unfortunate things being said to her. its very sad but something we just have to deal with as stepparents i think. The kids will only respect us in the future when they look back and remember those things...or still see them happening if BM's continue it forever!