Teachers Please Come In!

semdkm

Good Morning,

I had a not-so-great Kindergarten orientation yesterday with my eldest daughter and now I need to be talked off a ledge.  She is likely the youngest (she'll be five right after school starts, so she made the "cut off" by one week).  BUT she has been in daycare since one and now Pre-K five days a week (when most of the kids in my district do preschool maybe three times a week for a couple of hours--most moms don't work outside the home and have the kids home with them the bulk of the time), so what she lacks in age ----she makes up for in the experience department (getting ready for school five days a week, following directions, sharing, having to separate from me, etc).  Plus, her pre-K teacher has told me again and again that she really is "ready," even if she is on the young side age-wise.

Well, we get to orientation yesterday, and the five other kids in the town who have gone to daycare and preschool with her are ALL in the other class.  So, she's bummed about that--I've been telling her I was sure at least one of her friends she already knows would be in her class, but no--the school (knowing where all the kids went to pre-K, because they ask at Registration) put all five other kids in one class, my daughter the only child in the other class.  My daughter is also the only child in her class who doesn't have an older sibling who had her teacher (which is big because in my district, it's one tiny community school-everyone knows everyone), so all the other kids had seen the classroom and that teacher before.  Plus, as I said earlier, they all looked like they were 6 going on 7, not five or five going on 6.  

The result was that my daughter stood there clinging to me, looking terrified, while the other kids ran around happy and excited.    I've heard this teacher "looks down" on the younger kids and recommends that at least 25% of her K class repeat each year.  Given all of this, I am now freaking out.  I'm worried that her teacher is going to see her shyness and couple it with her age and then write her off.  And I'm a bit suspicious as to why EVERY other kid she went to daycare/preschool with were ALL put in the other class. 

I don't want to be "that" parent but I am genuinely concerned that she's not going to get a fair shot here, because she's young, shy, and happens to have been assigned to a class where every other child seems to know one another and the school and the teacher, etc.  On top of it, my child now seems really hesitant about it--it would have been nice to see at least one other child who looked as if they felt out of place, or the school to have placed at least one of the other children from her daycare/pre-K in her class. 

Sorry for the long ramble, but is there anything I can do in this situation?  What would you do?  Am I just being neurotic?  Would it be crazy to call the school and just ask whether this was coincidence or whether something else is going on?

mben1119

I think you should give your daughter a chance. She may thrive, especially being around new people. To pigeonhole the teacher is not fair at this point.

bearkatjen

I say go with your gut. If you don't think it's a good fit, ask to have her moved to the other class.

CrazyToast

You can ask for your child to be moved to another class.  Be prepared to hear they cannot do it, though.

Try not to become "that parent" that we, as teachers, find out about eventually.  Especially since you said you live in a low population area.  Also - if it's like my district, you have the final say about if a kid repeats a grade.  I honestly think you should give your kid a chance.  I knew NO ONE in kindergarten and I was just fine.

duchess0727

A lot of kids are clingy at orientation.  I think it's easy to hang on to mom when you are there.  Give your daughter a chance to see how the class goes.  I honestly am happy that my son is going to be in a new class and have the opportunity to meet some new kids.  He has been with the same kids for 5 years and while they are nice kids, I think giving him the opportunity to make some friends on his own as a 5 year old will give him a chance to make some friends that have the same interests instead of just being in the same class since they were babies.  Our daycare and kindergarten are in different districts so none of the kids will be at his new school.  If you call the school, they will probably ask you to give the new class a chance.  After a few weeks if you really feel that she is struggling, I would ask to move her to the other class.  But I would give it a chance - she may really be happy there. 

Singingmama

Ok, I'm a teacher and typically, I find that parents think they have valid reasons for wanting their child to have a different teacher, but in all honesty, they are not valid reasons. However, in this situation, I believe you have a few valid points. My suggestion to you, would be to take your concerns to the principal. Ask him/her if they are aware of the fact that all of your daughter's previous classmates are in a different class. It may be that they are aware of the fact that your daughter is shy and are attempting to bring her out of her shell a bit by separating her from the people she already knows. This theory works out quite often, so if that's the principal's reasoning, then I'd trust that part of the situation.

Never underestimate the power of expressing your concerns. If nothing else, it may bring some things to light that the principal is unaware of happening. It may also make you feel more comfortable. It also may not help, but if you don't feel right about it this year, then send her back to Pre-K for another year and let her move up with the next group of kiddos. Go with your gut and do what you really feel is best for your daughter, but don't do anything till you've at least attempted to settle some of your discomfort.

semdkm

Thanks for the input, ladies.  My "gut" is that she is academically and socially ready (as much as a preschooler can be "academically" ready for anything ), I'm just concerned she won't be given a fair shot.  Our experience with the various movements to new classrooms at daycare (and an entirely new daycare at one point) has been that she's incredibly shy and clingy, but if the caregiver actively engages her and gives her a hug, welcomes her, then once she feels comfortable she jumps in, loves to meet new kids, and then ultimately wants to be the one in charge of everyone .  So, definitely not opposed to her meeting new kids and actually think that will be the best part, it was just such a let down yesterday .  I wished the teacher would have at least made some effort to coax her to join the group...You're right, though, I do just need to give her a chance to thrive, and if she doesn't seem to be doing well, perhaps I'll talk with the teacher and explain that she just needs a little love up front before she climbs out of her shell.  Fingers crossed the teacher can figure that out on her own!

BeckyTheEngineer

I agree with PPs who said to give this a chance.  Your daughter will grow up so much this year, and the new friends might be a great opportunity.  The only thing I can add to the previous advice is to monitor your own reactions around your daughter.  Although you have concerns, make sure that you are sending a clear message of enthusiasm for school and the teacher.  Kids can readily pick up on parent fears, and might react to that.  Get 100% behind the teacher now, and that can make your daughter more confident in starting school.

starlettedir

mabenner1:

I think you should give your daughter a chance. She may thrive, especially being around new people. To pigeonhole the teacher is not fair at this point.

Ditto

mle929

BeckyTheEngineer:

I agree with PPs who said to give this a chance.  Your daughter will grow up so much this year, and the new friends might be a great opportunity.  The only thing I can add to the previous advice is to monitor your own reactions around your daughter.  Although you have concerns, make sure that you are sending a clear message of enthusiasm for school and the teacher.  Kids can readily pick up on parent fears, and might react to that.  Get 100% behind the teacher now, and that can make your daughter more confident in starting school.

 

I agree with this.

dragon_chica

Just like you're afraid this teacher will peg your DD as a possible retainee you're already judging this teacher on what you hear.  How about you give her teacher a chance and hope this teacher does the same for your child.

TBH, I think it's silly to allude to the idea that there is some shenanigans going on with your DD's friends being placed in a different class.  At our school students are placed based on the registration date and the attempt to evenly place boys and girls in each class until each class is filled up.  Unless this school is directly connected to her preschool (and sorry if you said it is) there's no way the school knows your child is shy and would purposefully place your child in a different class on that reason.  If that were the case they would be doing it for ALL students and that's just silly.

Oh, and just to add one more thing.  Not saying that you're nutso but teachers do talk.  The first grader teachers will usually come see me before the school year starts and ask me to fill them in on my students that have been placed in their class.  If you are sensitive and bothered by every little thing believe me, ALL her teachers as in until she leaves that school, will hear about you.

J234

I would ask if there was a reason why she was singled out from her pre-k group.  Other than that, give her a chance.  One other idea is to have your daughter practice being assertive.   Talk about how to join in a game and how to talk to a new classmate.  You can role-play with stuffed animals at home.  Give her some phrases to use and maybe practice at the playground.  Model it for her yourself, even.  Good luck!!!  I'll be in a similar boat as my LO will be near the cut off too.  

jgoetz1

At my school parents aren't allowed to request that their child be placed into a different class for any reason other than special education needs.  I'm sure that the children who were in her preschool with her just happened to be placed in the class they were and that no injustices occurred here.  Your daughter may have been clingy to you because she could sense that you were upset/nervous too.  If she is shy, that is just part of her personality and with time she will become more comfortable and make new friends.  I would give her a chance in her current class and be optimistic that she will have a great year.  And I agree with the other teachers that parents get a reputation quickly if they make a stink about every little thing.  I teach 5th grade and the information gets passed all the way up to us and we even divide up the difficult parents so no one gets all the pressure.  Just try to relax and have faith in your daughter becoming more comfortable and that her teacher will do her best.