DS is simply not ready for preschool, yet.

Princess_Lily

We found a Montessori School, which we found and fell in love with for many reasons.  One of them is that they have a wonderful campus, they communicate with the parents, they allow for the children to learn on their own terms, they are ams certified, etc.

However through doing reasearch, as much as it pains me to, we will have to pull DS this year.  Within two days, they told me he is very bright, smart & focused, but his maturity level isn't where it needs to be for that class.  He doesn't want to listen to sit for line up for the playground, and he doesn't transition well (yet).  I think his last school we tried picked up on the same things, but with their communication skills and lack of proper parental etiquette, they just went about it the wrong way.  I have seen much improvement with him over the years behaviorally, however he has just not reached that point necessary for a class to have a proper flow.  They won't even allow him half days without an assistant, he is simply too much work for the teachers.  I 100% understand where they are coming from - and I tried to offer up different options (smaller class settings, me volunteering time to assist them) but they want to encourage independence and the only way to is with a $$$ assistant. 

DH and I have decided to pull him this year, he is a very young 3yo and hopefully enter him in a school in the fall, where he will be 4y3m.  Thank God I have the ability to SAH with him, bringing him to smaller class settings where he could still learn from other teachers, like in a soccer group, without plopping him in a class when he simply isn't ready.

Echowysp

fredalina:

This doesn't make sense to me. The point of preschool is to teach them exactly those things. If he is not harming other people during transitions then it's ridiculous for an expensive preschool to request an individual assistant for a child. And if that's what they're saying of a three year old then that does not sound like the right environment period. Honestly, I really think you should put him into a class environment and the sooner the better. Perhaps 2 mornings a week somewhere that doesn't do naps or lunch, just a play school environment. Or you need to have a chat with your pedi for a referral because it goes beyond just being an immature 3.

That's exactly what I was going to say.  Preschool is meant to teach them the skills they need for school... sitting still and listening, following directions, taking turns, etc.  Them giving up on your kid after 2 days is insane.  My ds was a restless 2 1/2 year old when he started preschool and he loved it.  He's great at listening now (well, at school he's better...lol) and rarely gets a time out or into trouble.  I'd just put your son into a regular preschool (they're good too, believe me) and let him play and have fun. 

Princess_Lily

That is what is bothering me, and I spoke with the American Montessori Society about this.  If they won't give him a chance, how will he learn?  He didn't hit anyone, bite anyone, nothing.   He's simply not good with transitions nor standing on a line for longer than approx 3-4min.  Does he need reminders?  yes.  Does he need to be given visual and vocal cues 15min. before a transition?  Yes.  But he does do them.  The afternoons are tougher than the mornings for him, he doesn't nap, so he's cranky...so we are more likely to have a "meltdown" then.

He's done so well, I even went on a family vacation with him - on a plane! 

He doesn't seem to be as hyper active as other children I've seen either - who are in preschools!  His speech is behind, but we have him in therapy for him and he has greatly improved.

They have 35 children in said classroom to 3 teachers - the ratio kid per teacher is fine, but I simply think they packed the children in and the teachers simply don't want to do the work.  I chose montessori because the education style...

Around town there are Montessori (AMS members) which have Toddler programs, lower than the "early childhood".  Maybe he needs to be with younger children...and start slow like 2 days per week (1/2 days), and see how that goes? 

Princess_Lily

They said that it is way too soon for them to make such a decision, and they clearly are not willing to offer much for him to stay in the school.

She said that either to speak with the principal of the school (which I did, and she ignored my request)...or find a montessori school which offers a toddler program for children who need a little more "assitance" due to maturity.

She said though, his behavior sounds quite normal, especially for a boy who seem to be a little more behind (maturity-wise) than girls. 

KathrynMD

I would find a tradtional preschool (or even daycare center) and enroll your LO PT - 2 or 3 mornings a week to start.  That school and principal sound weird and greedy.  The whole point of preschool is for kids to learn social, cooperative behavior - how to take turns, share, transition, listen to other adults, etc., etc.  I can't imagine any school "dismissing" a toddler/preschooler for anything like this. 

Princess_Lily

Yes!

I've also heard of finding a low ratio schooling which DOES NOT combine ratios in classes.  

For example this school has a law ratio of 1:15 kids BUT, they combine 2 teachers to 30 kids. 30 - 3 thru 6yo!  geez...

bumpuser511563

I don't think this is the school for you and your DS. You mentioned that your DS is behind in speech. Maybe a daycare or a district preschool may be a better fit.

I have been in your situation at yet another daycare that followed a certain learning theory. I can't remember what it was. My DS was biting and they could not work with him because they did not want to deal with him. I had several Early Intervention therapists go in and work with him and the teachers. I even attached a chew toy to him to chew on if he ever felt the need. That daycare gave up on him after a week.

My DS is delayed in speech and is going to a special needs preschool that is provided by the school district. The whole school is understanding and is very patient with him.

Echowysp

Princess_Lily:

They said that it is way too soon for them to make such a decision, and they clearly are not willing to offer much for him to stay in the school.

She said that either to speak with the principal of the school (which I did, and she ignored my request)...or find a montessori school which offers a toddler program for children who need a little more "assitance" due to maturity.

She said though, his behavior sounds quite normal, especially for a boy who seem to be a little more behind (maturity-wise) than girls. 

Again, I'd just find a good traditional preschool that will be happy to work with your perfectly normal sounding child.  It shouldn't be this complicated.  

jlw2505

fredalina:

This doesn't make sense to me. The point of preschool is to teach them exactly those things. If he is not harming other people during transitions then it's ridiculous for an expensive preschool to request an individual assistant for a child. And if that's what they're saying of a three year old then that does not sound like the right environment period. Honestly, I really think you should put him into a class environment and the sooner the better. Perhaps 2 mornings a week somewhere that doesn't do naps or lunch, just a play school environment. Or you need to have a chat with your pedi for a referral because it goes beyond just being an immature 3.

All of this.  My older DD has ADHD and a speech delay and was always a lot to handle (until we got her diagnosis and started her on some behavioral modication and medication) but the schools we had her at (a center based daycare/preschool and then a PreK program at the elementary school) never told us they couldn't keep her in class or she wasn't doing the right thing.  They worked with her (and us) to find ways to help her, to teach her.  The right place with the right teachers are key to helping kids learn.  A child that has never been in a classroom environment needs to learn how to act, how to follow the rules, be with other kids, etc.

funchicken

Princess_Lily:

That is what is bothering me, and I spoke with the American Montessori Society about this.  If they won't give him a chance, how will he learn?  He didn't hit anyone, bite anyone, nothing.   He's simply not good with transitions nor standing on a line for longer than approx 3-4min.  Does he need reminders?  yes.  Does he need to be given visual and vocal cues 15min. before a transition?  Yes.  But he does do them.  The afternoons are tougher than the mornings for him, he doesn't nap, so he's cranky...so we are more likely to have a "meltdown" then.

He's done so well, I even went on a family vacation with him - on a plane! 

He doesn't seem to be as hyper active as other children I've seen either - who are in preschools!  His speech is behind, but we have him in therapy for him and he has greatly improved.

They have 35 children in said classroom to 3 teachers - the ratio kid per teacher is fine, but I simply think they packed the children in and the teachers simply don't want to do the work.  I chose montessori because the education style...

Around town there are Montessori (AMS members) which have Toddler programs, lower than the "early childhood".  Maybe he needs to be with younger children...and start slow like 2 days per week (1/2 days), and see how that goes? 

That is a lot of kids for 3 teachers.  I second the poster who said enroll him in a traditional preschool program for 3 year olds.  I don't think you want him with younger kids, but maybe he would do better with kids that were all around his age.  My DD's preschool class last year had 18 kids with 2 teachers and all of the kids were 3 when they enrolled in September.  They had a fair amount of structure with a change in activity approx. every 30 minutes.  Once the kids know what the routine is, they don't need warnings around transitions--they know the transition is coming.  The teachers really helped foster independence, and my DD is totally ready for pre-K this year.

Maybe Montessori isn't right for him this year, but it sounds like some type of pre-school a few days a week would be a good idea.

brownmouse

fredalina:

This doesn't make sense to me. The point of preschool is to teach them exactly those things. If he is not harming other people during transitions then it's ridiculous for an expensive preschool to request an individual assistant for a child. And if that's what they're saying of a three year old then that does not sound like the right environment period. Honestly, I really think you should put him into a class environment and the sooner the better. Perhaps 2 mornings a week somewhere that doesn't do naps or lunch, just a play school environment. Or you need to have a chat with your pedi for a referral because it goes beyond just being an immature 3.

I agree with this 100%. He sounds like a normal 3 year old first going ino a classroom setting. When B first started preschool(she went at 18 months because I started school then, but it was very preschool like, not daycare like) she didn't know how to sit still for story time, or line up with the other kids either. She learned though! Sounds to me like there is something wrong with a preschool that is trying to make you pay for an assistant to teach your 3 year old how to be a 3 year old. I'd say find another school for him to go to, and start out slow like Fred said. Just a couple days a week for a few hours and ease into it. I know that in my daughters current class (2.5-3.5 year olds) there are kids of different levels, and while some line up when told and sit for story time, others needs a little (or a lot) more guidance. It doesn't sound like an issue with HIM so much as an issue with the SCHOOL. If they can't handle a 3 year old not doing everything he is told the second they tell him, how on earth can they handle multiple children at a time? Something is fishy here....

Court0026

I am basically just going to agree with everyone else!  It sounds shady to me!  I was also very surprised to see the ratio.  When I taught pre-k it was 8:1 or 7:1 (I can't remember, but I had 17 kids and an assistant and an aide).  My son's preschool is either a class with 14 kids and 2 teachers or a class with 21 kids and 3 teachers.  And who asks a 3 year old to stand still for 3-4 minutes in line????

ridesbuttons

What, if any, professional evaluations have you had done?  If you haven't done any, you might want to engage with some professionals.  If there is some underlying cause driving your LO's behaviour, having a direction to help him learn, etc. will be incredibly helpful.

Jen&Len

fredalina:

This doesn't make sense to me. The point of preschool is to teach them exactly those things. If he is not harming other people during transitions then it's ridiculous for an expensive preschool to request an individual assistant for a child. And if that's what they're saying of a three year old then that does not sound like the right environment period. Honestly, I really think you should put him into a class environment and the sooner the better. Perhaps 2 mornings a week somewhere that doesn't do naps or lunch, just a play school environment. Or you need to have a chat with your pedi for a referral because it goes beyond just being an immature 3.

 I totally agree with this.  I think most 3 year olds act that way.  Our teaches meet with the parents of the entire class once a year half way through over coffee to discuss some of the issues they see the kids struggling with.  Transitions and sitting still were the 2 main ones (along with impulse control).  Pretty much all the kids had trouble with those things.

And to only give it a few days before saying those things is strange?  I knew DS wasn't quite ready for preschool.  He was extremely shy with very bad separation anxiety.  He was also a young 3 when he started in the 3 yo class (he was actually still 2 when he started).  But over the course of the year, he changed so much from being there in the classroom environment.  Even his teacher came up to me towards the end of the school year and said something to the effect of, "can you believe this is the same kid from the beginning of the school year?"

Could you possibly try a different school?  Maybe Montessori may not be for your LO (we don't go to a Montessori school, so I'm not sure).  We go to a play-based church preschool, which I guess would be considered a "regular" preschool. But we really love it and DS has thrived there.  I actually found that having him with the older kids was an advantage since he learned so much from there, especially when it came to speech (he was a late talker) and being self-sufficient.

neverblushed

If you really trust the preschool and think the teachers are quality professionals, be guided by their judgment.  If you really like their program, and the teachers think your child is just not quite ready for said program, it makes sense to wait a while.

These decisions can be hard, but you are giving your child the precious gift of time. 

lite-bright

If your child has a speech delay, are you doing private therapy or therapy through your school district? I ask because by switching to a preschool where your school district provides services, you are likely to find a more supportive environment and your DC could get speech therapy in a classroom environment with peers, which is the absolute best place for it. 

Many private schools have very, very low tolerance for kids who are outside the behavior curve in any way. They usually don't have teachers trained in special education/developmental issues, or therapists who serve the classrooms. They do not have to provide a helpful environment for those kids, and they're not required to by law -- the local school district is. So if a child is considered to have too many needs, they either don't get accepted to a program or get bounced back to the local public school district. 

I had looked into Montessori but didn't feel it was the best fit for my DD1. I preferred the local district's preschool curriculum, called Tools of the Mind. About the time we enrolled her, we found out she has autism and would be receiving therapies in her classroom, so luckily it was a win-win that they were already our preschool of choice. After one year in a classroom with 3 teachers for 16 kids and extra education support, she's in a mainstream classroom this year (2 teachers for 16 kids, I can't imagine the chaos of the size you mentioned). Last year, several of the boys in her class has IEPs (plans for special education services) for speech delays. 

 

Angela814

I agree with everyone else. The school sounds like they have much too high of expectations for a 3 yo. I'd look for a traditional preschool and just do mornings so he is able to nap in the afternoon. 

Littlejen22

fredalina:

I mean, I LOVE Montessori and I know I recommended it to the OP to start with, but ANY school that gives up on a three year old after two days sounds like a school I wouldn't want to affiliate with, whether they call themselves Montessori or not. The Montessori my kiddo goes to seems to really appreciate the kids for who they are as people, even the more challenging personalities, and try to find solutions that really work for the child and tbe school. So either this is once again not the right school for him and you or your little one has a diagnosable condition of some sort that goes way beyond general immaturity.

This.  My DS started our Montessori at 2y9m but in an older 2 younger 3s class, not the full 3-6yo class but it was only 3 days a week, 2.5 hours and I could have done a 2yo class 2 days a week 1.5 hours.  My DS cried at drop off for at least three weeks and then cried again in November until mid-December, I asked the Director if I would get my pre-paid tuition back (I paid the entire year up-front) because I was going to decide that night if we were going to pull him and they never once gave up on him and he stayed and thrived there.

If they want to give up after 2 days, then find somewhere else.  If he is suck a problem they either suck as a school that only wants perfect kids or they see a real problem in him that requires testing.

Littlejen22

I also wanted to add a question, you mentioned a few times that his behavior has improved and you have been working on it.  What is going on that you have been working on his behavior?  I ask this because the way I am reading this is that you saw a problem you were worried about, do you think more is going on than "normal" 3yo stuff?

Andrewsgal

fredalina:

Littlejen22:

I also wanted to add a question, you mentioned a few times that his behavior has improved and you have been working on it.nbsp; What is going on that you have been working on his behavior?nbsp; I ask this because the way I am reading this is that you saw a problem you were worried about, do you think more is going on than "normal" 3yo stuff?

Yeah, I'm wondering this, too. On the one hand I think the school "kicking him out" after 2 or 3 days for what's described as normal behavior with a "slight speech delay" is nuts. On the other hand, I wonder if there's more going on with the kid than what's being described. Maybe he has developmental or behavioral issues that go beyond a slight speech delay? I think I would at least have a conversation with my pedi...

I agree with this I am not buying that he is a misunderstood typical three year old. You need to get him evaluated ASAP. Two preschools not being able to meet his needs is a huge red flag.

jallascalla

I am guessing that the school thinks your child has issues beyond speech delays and they are just not being clear about it to you. I would talk to my pedi and set up evaluations.