Vent: Help from family or friends after placement

LAD111707

Some things have been bothering me ever since our placement and we got home from the hospital. But the number one thing is our friends and family. No one, not one person has offered to come over and help or even bring us a meal since we got home over a month ago.

I'm not sure this would bug me so much if it weren't for the fact that I have seen three different friends on Facebook talk about friends and family who have brought meals since they were home from the hospital. And to make matters worse when we did get home and MIL came over she made a comment about she would normally offer to help but since I didn't give birth I'm not incapacitated. That really struck a nerve with me. Having a newborn child in your care is still hard work, no matter if I gave birth or not.

I love being a mom and I love our little guy but I am just disappointed in some of our friends and family.

Sorry, vent over.

LAD111707

Hav=Fath:

I'm sorry they aren't being more helpful! I can almost see where they would think that, my church ladies brought supper over every night for the first 2 weeks which was SUPER but I have to say I was surprised even though I've been helping do the same thing for years. I don't know why, it just surprised me. Wish I lived closer, I would bring you supper for sure. God bless and congratulations on your baby! 

Thanks! Maybe it is just the fact that today has been rough. LO won't eat as well today nor will he sleep well. Or maybe the infertitle came out of me and made me a tad jealous.

samiammantha

I totally understand and felt the same way, too.  My MIL came to visit for a week after Son was placed and it felt like we were entertaining rather than receiving much help.  It was exhausting. 

Just because you didn't give birth doesn't mean that you're going to immediately adjust to having a LO in your world.  It was truly a shock to my system.

jillianmb

I totally agree with you and am sorry your friends and family are being so sucky about this.  ((hugs)) to you. 

Foster1Mom

I am sorry you are having a rough day. That is quite shi**y no one is offering. I am sorry

kmkaull2

I never thought about this, but no one brought us a meal either.  And I always bring meals to new parents, lol.  My mother-in-law said she was going to bring a grocery store rotisserie chicken (nice, eh?) but then "forgot". 

 It does kind of suck now that you mention it.  Just keep going forward.  Soon these early newborn days will be behind you and this will not bother you.  Promise!

Art Teacher

I'm sorry.    That's not very nice of them (especially your MIL's comment.)

 

srmmm09

I've birthed a baby, and anyone who thinks people need meals just because they've given birth is crazy. I had meals given to me for 6 weeks, and even after that there were nights where I just couldn't get dinner on the table in a timely manner bc E was such a handful. The baby is the hard part, not the recovery!

{I'm speaking from an uncomplicated (other than some stitches in a sensitive place!), vaginal delivery standpoint. I've seen that c-sections can be very difficult to recover from.}

MayDayGirl

Wow i would feel bad too! I had a really hard delivery and recovery and yet my transition with my son was way easier than with my daughter who is adopted!

I would definitely tell some people you feel comfortable confiding in that you feel bad.

Hugs. I am sorry.

lafayettegirl

That is terrible! Everyone deserves a little help and relief with a new baby! If I were closer, I would totally bring you food! Sending you big hugs and prayers! Hang in there!!

DaisyZH

That is super-annoying, I'm so sorry that your friends and family aren't being more thoughtful.  (( Hugs ))  That really sucks. 

so1966

i'm so sorry. that simply SUCKS. excuse my harsh language.  being a parent of a newborn is time consuming and clearly most parents don't have time to cook. it's not about giving birth.  adoption is an involved process, full of emotions and hard work.   mine was an out of state adoption and that's clearly a lot of work, rather than giving birth in your local hosptial.  i'm not diminishing giving birth at all. they are both different processes.

shame on your MIL for her comment.

 

 

MarionB79

I am so sorry! I know that especially the MIL comment would probably send me over the edge too. It's one thing if I say that myself, but I would have a hard time with others pointing it out like that. 

I guess it's funny though how things can go both ways. We've had several people bring meals this past month and I almost felt bad about it. They all have their hands full with babies or toddlers themselves. I guess it's because my little DS is pretty easy so far. And if he wants to be with me when I'm trying to cook I use the Moby Wrap, which he loves. If you don't have one yet, it might be a good investment. I have it on right now, while I'm typing. Only downside, it's 2PM and I have not taken a shower yet. ;o)

I guess the difference is that simply the offer would be nice. I wish I could come by and bring you a meal! You just became a mom, and depending on how easy you LO is, that's a hard transition.  

I guess my step-MIL is the opposite. She actually offered to DH to move in once DS came home. Her word were "well I can't leave her alone with a pre-mie". Thankfully DH took care of this, because it freaked me out! And I was actually a little offended that she acts, like I can't do this.

Just thought I'd share. Sometimes it helps to see the other end of the spectrum. At least for me it does. ;o)

Hope your days get easier and your friends step up! 

bcnoelle

I'm sorry to hear this!!! Do you have friends nearby who aren't parents yet? Maybe they are unaware of how exhausting it is. I would also be disappointed and hurt in family members:( I noticed in your siggy how quickly your adoption process went. Would you mind sharing your agency or experience? Thanks:)

ellekae

Oye. That makes me fume.

Having people care for your family after bringing home a new baby is so much less about "being incapacitated" and so much more about giving the new mom & dad quiet time to bond with their newborn, catch up on sleep, and just revel in the joy.

I guess all you can do is learn from their mistakes and make sure that if anyone you know adopts that you take the reigns and organize the meal-making, house cleaning, grocery-shopping troops. 

Sorry you have to deal with such ignorance.

Courtneyluff

I am so sorry. That is terrible.