I just let DD cry for 20 minutes

SmittyPants

And I'm just about in tears myself. 

She used to STTN beautifully. She then started waking up once, which is fine, I would go in to her room, pick her up, rock her back to sleep, and put her back in her crib.

For the past six weeks, this hasn't been the case. After i put her back down, she will wake up again about five minutes later, and I do the whole thing over again. It goes on for three hours every night. I'm utterly exhausted. My husband is exhausted. DD is exhausted.  

Today I decided to let her cry. I snuggled her until she was almost asleep and then I put her in her crib for her nap (same situation with napping as with nighttime) then I sat in her room in the rocking chair until she stopped crying and slept. It took 20 minutes. The whole time she was crying and reaching for me and saying Mama. I hate myself right now.

I was so against sleep training, but I just don't know what else to do. I almost fell asleep at the wheel driving home from the grocery store. This really can't go on.

We tried brining her to bed with us, but then she's the only one who sleeps, and it's fitful at best.

Am I doing the right thing? Is anyone else dealing with this? There are so many opinions on this and right now I'm confused and exhausted and emotionally raw. 

Ugh. 

khanley1980

I can't imagine how hard that was, but good for you! Missing 3 hours of sleep is bad for both you and your baby. You have to do what's best for her, even if it means some tears. I hope that her crying episodes get shorter and shorter and then stop. 

Is it possible for you to rub her back when she cries but not pick her up? Just an idea.  That might make you feel better about this all

phdprocrastinator

It's awful, I know.  I feel like I'm in suspended animation every time DD cries while going to sleep.  It gets way better - and usually pretty fast.  DD still cries sometimes when going down for naps,  but usually it's just a couple of minutes.  But, like your DD, anything we do to "help" her sleep completely backfires.  Rocking her to sleep?  Yeah, she just wakes up.  Even putting our hand on her back is getting dicey these days (she'll calm, only to protest when the hand is removed).

I remind myself that there will be many situations like this in the future: when she wants to eat candy instead of vegetables, when she wants to wear inappropriate clothing, when she wants to watch TV instead of doing homework.  It's not that I'm punishing her for not sleeping, it's that I'm trying to teach her healthy sleep habits.

namara5532

I know what you mean.  We sleep trained at 5 months because neither of us was sleeping good anymore.  I was exhausted and pinned to the couch during the day and pinned in bed at night.

It's still hard to listen to him cry, but I know it's for the best.  He sleeps best in the crib, and I feel almost human.  What helped me was to set a timer to check on him.  It helped me feel less guilty about letting him cry because I knew that in a few minutes I will check on him, and it's really the only thing I can do for him to let him I'm still there.

lp0

It must be there age because my ds started sttn at 6 weeks but the at 5 months started waking up once to nurse. Then about three weeks ago he started getting up every hour on the hour. I hoped I didn't have to but we started sleep training a few nights ago. We've only had to go to three minutes of fussing/crying and then he passes out by me shhhh'ing him and giving him a pacifier. I don't want to talk too soon but he's back to nursing once per night. I'm hoping he sttn again soon but at least it's better than every hour.

dyg201

We did Ferber around 5 months for the same reason...constantly waking up after being put down. Now, he still gets up two times a night to nurse, but he goes back down without a peep 95% of the time. I'll work on the night weaning later, for now this is working ok for us. 

Ferber went much better than I expected. The longest he cried the first night was a half hour and it got better quickly after that.  I definitely recommend it. 

Huahine

*hugs*

You are going the best you can.  Please don't beat yourself up about any of the choices you are making.  

My kid has slept through the night precisely twice in the 7 and a half months he has been on this planet, so I have no advice that anyone should follow about getting a good night's sleep. 

What I can say is that it helps me to keep in mind that our babies are constantly changing.   Your LO is making these huge developmental leaps right now that are constantly rocking her world.  And so she needs to reconnect with you several times a night. 

But this too will pass.  She'll get used to her new skills, and go back to sleeping better.  

We went through a similar rough patch that ended a few weeks ago (baby waking up 3 to 4 times a night instead of 1 to 2).  It really helps me to check in on the Wonder Weeks calendar when it seems like my kid has become a hellion out of no where.  Most of the time, his personality shifts coincide with one of the WW fussy periods - other times it has been teething. 

https://www.thewonderweeks.com/images/stories/Book/WW_info_chart.pdf

Crap - looks like we are heading into another fussy period.  But looking at the calendar and knowing that it has an end date saves my sanity time after time. 

selena61307

You have to do what is best for you, but it doesn't sound like listening to your lo cry for 20 min is best for either of you. I went through it too, my second sleeps less than my first did but for us cio is not an option. We are biologically trained to go to our babies when they cry. It is not wrong for you to want to comfort rock and hold it is biologically ingrained in you and in your baby. Do what feels right if that is CIO then go ahead but you don't have to. I am sure you are tired and frustrated and wishing STTN would just come but remember in 5 years you will miss middle of the night cuddles and you can't go back. No one has a college bound freshman crying out for them in the middle of the night to cuddle even if they wish they did. This to shall pass.