Thinking about our wills...

tamararachel2

My FI and I are getting married at the end of the year and last night we were discussing our wills and what would happen to the children if something were to happen to one of us or both of us. We both have the same concern about what would happen to DS1 if something happened to me since my FI is not the biological father. It would break his heart even more if DS1 had to go and live with BD. Yes, BD and I have joint legal custody and I have primary physical custody but BD has only seen DS1 once in the last year and hasn't called in over two months. BD still owes me back child support and doesn't try very hard to keep up with what's going on with DS1. So my question is, is there a way to have my will state that DS1 is to stay with my FI and DS2? On top of that, we both would hate to have the boys separated should something happen to me. 

I know this is kind of a morbid post, but I just wanted to know before we go to talk to our lawyers. 

twister22

Unfortunately, your FI has zero rights. Now, many states will grant grandparents rights. That's my and DH's plan of action. We know if something happens to me, my parents will file for grandparent's rights, and when DS is with my parents DH and LO would be there too so they could all see each other.

If BD has joint custody but has only seen DS once this year and hasn't called in 2 months, I would seriously consider filing to make an amendment to the CO. Document for a year and if this is the pattern, you should have the CO reflect more so the visits that BD actually takes.

FutureMrsWittig

When we did our wills the lawyer told my H to write in there that he would want me to maintain custody of my SD, as he has it now.  He told him to give as many reasons that this was in SDs best interest as he could think of.  If anything happened to him I would be able to file for an emergency order to keep the schedule as is (stating that it was in SDs best interest not to have her life more disrupted than it already was) and I would be able to sue for joint custody.  He warned us I probably wouldn't win, but with the will in place I had a leg to stand on.

Luckily I have a pretty good relationship with BM, and she has a lot on her plate.  I truly believe she would allow me to maintain a pretty active presence in SDs life.  Maybe not the custody we have now, but I think she would be reasonable.  I live in SDs school district and BM does not.  BM also has 3 other kids under 5 to take care of.

If something happened to us both, our kids go to my brother. 

Holly_1007

yep, I think both PP's hit the nail on the head.  discuss with your parents if they would be willing to file grandparents rights (keep in mind they have to have a pretty active relationship with your kids BEFORE you pass for this to be granted).  Having a will is your best chance to have your DH get any sort of custody, but unless the current CO is changed, your ex will get custody if something happened to you. 

Nineoceans

twister22:

Unfortunately, your FI has zero rights. Now, many states will grant grandparents rights. That's my and DH's plan of action. We know if something happens to me, my parents will file for grandparent's rights, and when DS is with my parents DH and LO would be there too so they could all see each other.

If BD has joint custody but has only seen DS once this year and hasn't called in 2 months, I would seriously consider filing to make an amendment to the CO. Document for a year and if this is the pattern, you should have the CO reflect more so the visits that BD actually takes.

States do not really grant Grandparent rights unless BOTH parents are deceased, both parents are proven unfit, or the Grandparents can prove they played a pivotal role in the life of the child and they have been cut out (i.e. they lived with them for several years or came over on a regular proven schedule- every weekend then nothing etc) even then the most grandparents usually get is a 1-2 hours every other month unsupervised...can you tell we have fought a custody issue with grandparents in the past? Sad.

To the OP, the best you can do is discuss your concerns with your ex and try to work something out. There's always a hard way and an easy way to go about things and I've found perpetually that the easy way is finding some sort of common ground and being friendly with the other parent involved. Good luck

Nineoceans

Sorry 1-2 hours of visitation every other week, not month

twister22

Nineoceans:

twister22:

Unfortunately, your FI has zero rights. Now, many states will grant grandparents rights. That's my and DH's plan of action. We know if something happens to me, my parents will file for grandparent's rights, and when DS is with my parents DH and LO would be there too so they could all see each other.

If BD has joint custody but has only seen DS once this year and hasn't called in 2 months, I would seriously consider filing to make an amendment to the CO. Document for a year and if this is the pattern, you should have the CO reflect more so the visits that BD actually takes.

States do not really grant Grandparent rights unless BOTH parents are deceased, both parents are proven unfit, or the Grandparents can prove they played a pivotal role in the life of the child and they have been cut out (i.e. they lived with them for several years or came over on a regular proven schedule- every weekend then nothing etc) even then the most grandparents usually get is a 1-2 hours every other month unsupervised...can you tell we have fought a custody issue with grandparents in the past? Sad.

To the OP, the best you can do is discuss your concerns with your ex and try to work something out. There's always a hard way and an easy way to go about things and I've found perpetually that the easy way is finding some sort of common ground and being friendly with the other parent involved. Good luck

I think it's more typical to get every third weekend, or one weekend a month. As you said, it can vary from state to state. And if both parents were deceased, then it wouldn't be unlikely for a set of grandparents to be awarded custody.

In our situation my DS sees my parents more than he sees BD. That among several other factors makes their shot at obtaining grandparent's rights if something happened to me high. Although, I hope and pray we will never have to know!

 

Jessys_Girl

twister22:

Unfortunately, your FI has zero rights. Now, many states will grant grandparents rights. That's my and DH's plan of action. We know if something happens to me, my parents will file for grandparent's rights, and when DS is with my parents DH and LO would be there too so they could all see each other.

If BD has joint custody but has only seen DS once this year and hasn't called in 2 months, I would seriously consider filing to make an amendment to the CO. Document for a year and if this is the pattern, you should have the CO reflect more so the visits that BD actually takes.

this.

I would look into getting your custody or CO changed.  and 2, maybe discuss with BD the possibility of signing over rights and allowing your DH to adopt the child.